Brother's Place In Wedding?

sunshine__angel
sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
edited September 28 in Chit-Chat
Hey guys... I just got engaged and am not getting married for a couple of years, but I have been thinking about my brother's role in the wedding. My fiance asked suggested he be a groomsman, but his brothers (the other groomsmen) are in their mid-30s now, and my brother is only 18. I don't want him to be stuck with a group of people twice his age, whom he doesn't know very well.

I thought about asking him and my cousin to be ushers, because they are both male and are the same age. I just want him to have an important place in the wedding, without feeling uncomfortable. He is really shy, so I don't want to put him in an uncomfortable position.

Again, I know this isn't for a couple of years, and I'm not going to ask him right away or anything, but I'm just looking for suggestions. (I'm excited and sort of planning things WAY in advance!)

Thanks for the advice!

Replies

  • slshawna
    slshawna Posts: 16
    If there is that big of an age gap yea I wouldn't do a groomans either. Usher would be good but would he be ok with that since he is shy? Maybe a candle lighter with girl his age? :) My younger borther just got married last weekend and I ended up a bridesmaid with girls a lot younger then me and yea it was very weird!
  • Dreamerlove
    Dreamerlove Posts: 441 Member
    groomsmen!!! ushers are like honaray bridsmaid, they didn't make the cut. He will be fine!
  • run_momma_run
    run_momma_run Posts: 319
    Usher is probably one of the best jobs for a shy brother. Other things (but much more involved) include M.C., doing one of the toasts, doing a reading/poem/etc during the ceremony, if he plays an instrument, he could play a song during the signing of the register... If your dad isn't around he could walk you down the aisle... He can light candles just before the ceremony; he can be in charge of taking the gifts safely from the reception location to your house or your parents' house... I guess it all depends on HOW shy he is and what you're planning....

    Have fun making all your decisions!!
  • yellowdog77
    yellowdog77 Posts: 64
    Is he to shy to maybe read a poem or scripture?
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    If there is that big of an age gap yea I wouldn't do a groomans either. Usher would be good but would he be ok with that since he is shy? Maybe a candle lighter with girl his age? :) My younger borther just got married last weekend and I ended up a bridesmaid with girls a lot younger then me and yea it was very weird!

    A candle lighter is a good idea! He has a girlfriend too, so if they are still together, that would work well :) And congratulations on your brother's wedding!
  • katie_on_a_mission
    katie_on_a_mission Posts: 112
    Have you considered asking him to be a bride's man?
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    Usher is probably one of the best jobs for a shy brother. Other things (but much more involved) include M.C., doing one of the toasts, doing a reading/poem/etc during the ceremony, if he plays an instrument, he could play a song during the signing of the register... If your dad isn't around he could walk you down the aisle... He can light candles just before the ceremony; he can be in charge of taking the gifts safely from the reception location to your house or your parents' house... I guess it all depends on HOW shy he is and what you're planning....

    Have fun making all your decisions!!

    Thanks for all the suggestions!! This gives me a lot of ideas I haven't even thought of! You guys are awesome!!
  • Kathy11174
    Kathy11174 Posts: 82
    If you are having a church wedding you could have him do the readings.
  • epj78
    epj78 Posts: 643 Member
    Groomsman. To me, there just isn't else that is as important - everything else is "second best." I'd still ask your cousin to be an usher. In my experience, the ushers and groomsmen all hang out together anyway.
  • slshawna
    slshawna Posts: 16
    If there is that big of an age gap yea I wouldn't do a groomans either. Usher would be good but would he be ok with that since he is shy? Maybe a candle lighter with girl his age? :) My younger borther just got married last weekend and I ended up a bridesmaid with girls a lot younger then me and yea it was very weird!

    A candle lighter is a good idea! He has a girlfriend too, so if they are still together, that would work well :) And congratulations on your brother's wedding!

    Thanks! Good luck with your planning :) feel free to add me as a friend!
  • jenalderman
    jenalderman Posts: 411 Member
    I think your brother will probably be honored that your fiance wants him to stand up with him. Ultimately, you and your fiance could present it to him and then let him tell you whether or not he is comfortable in that role. If not, he could then help you decide what role is right for him. Don't slight him without giving him the opportunity though.
  • jlbiles
    jlbiles Posts: 283
    I agree that if the other groomsman is that much older than might not work out right. I also am planning a wedding and mine is not until 2015 if not later. Never to early to plan. With him being so bashful usher might not be a good thing. Does he have any talents? Candle lighter might work as was suggested above. You might think about maybe having him help with music selection, like a DJ for your reception. It is your wedding so you can also invent a role for him that you think he would be comfortable with. Something like have him create the slide show for your reception if you have one, then giving him credit for it. If you are close to him you could have him walk you down the isle with your father, one on both sides of you.
  • mimi7grands
    mimi7grands Posts: 616
    Hmm. I was thinking about how I would have felt if my sister had asked me to be something other than a matron of honor (many years ago!) My feelings would have been hurt. That's just me though. When the time gets closer, the best thing would be to ask your brother. Good luck and have fun planning your wedding.
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    Thank you everyone for the suggestions!!! I tried posting this on a website for weddings, theknot.com and all I got were extremely rude responses saying I am thinking about this way too early. I really appreciate the honest and kind answers from everyone on here, it's funny I had to go to a weight loss site for wedding advice because my wedding site was mean to me.

    YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!:heart:
  • MrsCon40
    MrsCon40 Posts: 2,351 Member
    I am getting married in 3 weeks (EEEEK!). My daughter just turned 12 this week and I have her as a full bridesmaid. The oldest bridesmaid is 49.

    Don't worry if your attendants "match"... it should be a cross-section of people who are really important to you - no matter their relation, age, shape or size.

    Good luck with your wedding!!! :flowerforyou:
  • eates
    eates Posts: 334 Member
    My brothers were ushers in our wedding. My hubby only had a best man, no groomsmen. We got married outside and I walked down a set of stairs to get to the grassy area where the ceremony was held and my brothers carried my train while my dad escorted me down. It was really special to me because it was as if my brothers were helping my dad walk me down the aisle.
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    I am getting married in 3 weeks (EEEEK!). My daughter just turned 12 this week and I have her as a full bridesmaid. The oldest bridesmaid is 49.

    Don't worry if your attendants "match"... it should be a cross-section of people who are really important to you - no matter their relation, age, shape or size.

    Good luck with your wedding!!! :flowerforyou:

    OMG congratulations!!!!!!!!!!:heart:
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    I've been a groomsman like seven times.. and what I really got upset about, is that I only got to keep the bridesmaid once..

    Anyway, all joking aside. Ask him for his opinion. It's ok to be in uncomfortable situations. Some of my best friends I have met this way. I'm sure he's tough enough to handle it.
  • ajfranzen77
    ajfranzen77 Posts: 118
    I agree with what someone else said, if my sister doesn't ask me to be up there with her I will be crushed. If your brother is shy I think the worst thing you could do would be make him an usher. He then has to talk to everyone and take the womens arm and show the guests to their seats. To me that would be more stressful than just standing up there with you . If he is 18 now and it will still be a few years before you get married he would be 20 or 21. I just think asking him to be an usher is like telling him," Sorry but we just didn't want you up there with us". But that's just my opinion.

    Good Luck! And Congrats!!!!
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    I agree with what someone else said, if my sister doesn't ask me to be up there with her I will be crushed. If your brother is shy I think the worst thing you could do would be make him an usher. He then has to talk to everyone and take the womens arm and show the guests to their seats. To me that would be more stressful than just standing up there with you . If he is 18 now and it will still be a few years before you get married he would be 20 or 21. I just think asking him to be an usher is like telling him," Sorry but we just didn't want you up there with us". But that's just my opinion.

    Good Luck! And Congrats!!!!

    Yeah, that is true. I think I just baby him because he is 7 years younger than I am, lol. You are right, I will definitely ask him to be a groomsman, but let him know there are other options. I just want to give him an important role as we are very close. I do think he would be hurt if we didn't ask, and I am forgetting he will be 20 or 21 by then. Thanks :)
  • brian2911
    brian2911 Posts: 48
    the older guys with show him the ways .=0)
  • DakotaKeogh
    DakotaKeogh Posts: 693 Member
    Weighing in from the guy's perspective. I think a brother standing up for his sister rules out consideration of age. He's not there to be a peer to the other groomsmen. He's there to stand up for his sister. The flip side of this is that, if you don't at least ask him, he may feel he plays a lesser place in your life than your future brothers-in-law. Male egos can be admittedly fragile; particularly at his age. And more particularly if he's a shy one. On the other hand, if it's a religious ceremony, there are usually opportunities for a family member to read something as part of the ceremony. Anyway, my two cents.
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
    Weighing in from the guy's perspective. I think a brother standing up for his sister rules out consideration of age. He's not there to be a peer to the other groomsmen. He's there to stand up for his sister. The flip side of this is that, if you don't at least ask him, he may feel he plays a lesser place in your life than your future brothers-in-law. Male egos can be admittedly fragile; particularly at his age. And more particularly if he's a shy one. On the other hand, if it's a religious ceremony, there are usually opportunities for a family member to read something as part of the ceremony. Anyway, my two cents.

    You are absolutely right. My fiancé wants to ask him, and will eventually, I just wanted some other suggestions in case he declined or felt uncomfortable. Thanks! :)
This discussion has been closed.

Categories