Getting your partner motivated

Freakinglovepink
Freakinglovepink Posts: 15
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Hey guys. First of all, sorry if this topic is already out there but I couldn't find anything. I'm just looking for some advice on this and maybe what some MFPers have experienced.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. As the case so often is, we got comfortable and we got lazy. We have tried off and on for the last couple years to do something about it without much success (which is to say we didn't try very hard). I'm at the point where I'm ready to get serious about it. I want to eat better, I want to lose a few pounds, and I want to be fit and strong.

Now my question is, how can I get the BF to get serious too? I don't mean to sound like a snarky b*tch but he could stand to lose 20-40 pounds. He could REALLY stand to have a diet overhaul. He drinks coke like its water, eats pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner and spends $25 a pop at Taco Bell. I do my best to not bring the crap home and make it available but when he's buying I don't like saying no. On the other hand I don't think he's trying to sabotage me and he's fully supportive of my attempts to improve myself.

So what is your opinion on this?

Replies

  • warphoenix
    warphoenix Posts: 47
    Pull him aside from distractions and just be up front and tell him that you plan to get serious this time and you would appreciate if he could do this with you. Make a plan, agree to help each other stay on track and tell him how much money you guys will have in your pockets from not eating out anymore :D
  • jujudot
    jujudot Posts: 129 Member
    Work on you! :) He will follow suit eventually. My husband was very supportive when I joined MFP-the only stipulation was that I had no say over his "junk food". So, I worked on me, and now that I'm about a month in he's joining me on walks, helping to cook better meals (or make me something else if his "meal" is crap lol), and *gasp* not eating as much junk.
  • shuggysmommy
    shuggysmommy Posts: 5
    I am having the same problem getting my hubby to get motivated. He SAYS he wants to lose 30lbs to be back at the weight he was when he was in the Navy. BUT he is still eating the same ole junk that got him fat in the first place. (Not trying 2 sound mean but it's the truth) I completely ignore what he is eating and continue to eat my way... the healthy way. I have lost 10 lbs in just over 2 weeks and I feel 100% better that I did a month ago. I told my husband when I go to the store I am no longer bringing home Little Debbie cakes or any other junk food. If HE wants it he will have to go get it himself. My husband told me just today that I have been b*tchier since I started my "diet". I think my husband will jump on the band wagon soon since he sees I am already starting to lose weight and he's getting a little jealous. Don't push your BF when and IF he gets ready to stop eating junk he'll do it. Good luck!
  • Jenscan
    Jenscan Posts: 694 Member
    There's not a whole lot you can do, TBH. Had the roles been reversed and your SO started in before you were ready, would you appreciate being dragged into something? No. He already probably knows that you think he's fat.

    It's up to him. He's an adult and if he chooses to eat more healthfully, he will. I know it's frustrating but give him time and he'll be supportive. If he doesn't join you, that's his problem!
  • baisleac
    baisleac Posts: 2,019 Member
    I started on MFP at the very end of October 2010 (the 29th actually) I didn't nag or cajole. I just kept on keepin' on. My husband joined me mid-April 2011.

    Whether he stays motivated or not is up to him, just like me staying motivated is up to me. We cheer each other on, but in the end, it's up to the individual.
  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
    Okay, this is going to be TMI... but here it goes:

    I have lost 30+ pounds since starting on this journey back in January 2010. My husband could stand to lose 60+ pounds and I looked for ways to inspire him. He's stubborn and set in his ways. I tried making healthier meals but he plays in a band and would just grab junk on the way home from a gig... or sneak other fast food when he was running errands. But I kept thinking and came up with something that has worked!!!

    We are both in our early 40's and have been together for 21 years (married for 15 of them). What do most men want more than anything out of their relationship??? Yep, sex. So, I challenged my husband: For every pound he loses, he will earn a sex credit. He can call in the credit at any time and I am not able to say no, that I'm tired or that I have a headache. He can only earn one credit for the pound he lost and he cannot earn those credits back if he gains any of the weight back. (Meaning he can't lose the same pound twice and earn credits for both.) To date, he has lost 37 pounds since January 2011.

    He started slowing down a little and hasn't focused very hard on his diet and exercise, so I challenged him again at the end of May, For every pound he loses by the end of June... I will DOUBLE the number of sex credits. He only has 30 more pounds to lose and he's already well on his way to working his butt off to lose as much as he can in June.

    This may not work for everyone, but in my situation it was a win/win! He loses weight which makes me happy. He gets more sex which makes him happy. Having him happier makes me happier!
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
    Good Luck! I have been trying for several months of getting my husband to follow suit. I have lost nearly 100 lbs and he refuses to follow suit. I have asked, offered, suggested, insisted, begged and seem to be getting no where fast. I finally told him I can't live this way and he has to atleast be willing to meet half way. I have worked to hard to lose my weight, to let it all go to hell, because of him.

    It doesn't bother me that he is over weight, it bothers me that he has health problems and dropping a few pounds could really make a difference in the medications he has to take, and improve his quality of life, and over all add longevity. I feel a 100% better than I did a year ago, I want him to expierence what I have.

    I finally gave him an ultimatum last week. I told him I can't go back to my old life style, and if that is what he wants in life he needs to find a partner that has the same goals.

    If I leave dinner up to him he picks up fried chicken or pizza. I just can't do it all the time. I need help! We both work a lot of hours, but I still manage to fix decent home made meals that are healthy.

    I also understand that when we married I took a vow, but I don't think that includes putting my health in jeopardy again. I need to take care of myself, for my kids!

    Best Wishes!
  • warphoenix
    warphoenix Posts: 47
    My wife and I talked about getting back into shape for a few months before we actually started. Just do what she did to "TRAP!" me into a commitment (still talking about the post here :P). Talk about getting back into shape with him and he'll probably just nod his head while watching TV not really listening to what your saying... I mean no he wouldn't do that, I'm sure he always listens!.... He'll nod his head while giving you 100% focus on what you're complai... saying... Get him to express interest in getting back in shape and then BAM slap him with a deadline to commit to by asking "ok what day would you like to start this?" Then you just gotta get the cattle prod out from time to time when he starts to lose focus and you'll both live happily ever after!
  • supertracylynn
    supertracylynn Posts: 1,338 Member
    My hubby and I have been together for 7 1/2 years. Due to pregnancies, and (ha ha) getting comfortable, we both gained weight. He got up to 253, I got up to 218. He seems to have a 20lb fluctuation (234-253). But not any more.

    In early 2009, he deployed. I'd already gotten down to 187 due to breast feeding and being determined to eat healthier despite his crappy eating habits (he was 253 when he left). Over 6 months I lost 40 pounds and informed him that I was *NOT* changing my eating habits when he got back.

    Sure enough, when he got home, he'd eat whatever (McD's, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box) during the day and what I cooked at night. I lost another 10 pounds and maintained it for a year. He stayed the same.

    Then he deployed again in late 2010... and got kidney stones (again) 10 days before they came home. The kidney stones were partially linked to his greasey, nasty diet. So he asked me for help, he said he wanted to be on "my" diet, that he wanted to run/jog with me, etc. I held him to it. (especially since I gained back those 10 pounds I'd lost!)

    This time, he's been true to it. He eats what I eat, has started flipping labels, we jog together when we can (we just ran a 5k yesterday!), and he actually LISTENS to what I say instead of hearing me for the moment. He's been home for 2 months and has lost 10 pounds... and that's after being unable to exercise for nearly a month due to the kidney stones!

    All it took was my determination... and 2 years of my success.

    YOU CAN DO IT!
  • Freakinglovepink
    Freakinglovepink Posts: 15
    Wow, thanks for all the responses! I agree with each and every one. No, I would not want to be forced into something I don't want to do. No, I won't give up because he hasn't started. Yes, I would perhaps be willing to try some bribery/trickery :wink: (Bjohs, I think you're really onto something there! That could be my best chance lol)
  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
    Wow, thanks for all the responses! I agree with each and every one. No, I would not want to be forced into something I don't want to do. No, I won't give up because he hasn't started. Yes, I would perhaps be willing to try some bribery/trickery :wink: (Bjohs, I think you're really onto something there! That could be my best chance lol)

    LOL, I warn you though... if he is putting forth the effort, so will you. There have been many times when I was just too tired after a long day of work, etc. and wanted to say no. But a deal is a deal. I don't want him going back to his old ways because I can't hold up my end of the bargain. Now I just have to think of a challenge for him to maintain his weight loss once he reaches his goal. :)
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