Been made to feel like pig twice in 2 days at work

sd892310 · June 2011

Hi all,

This is going to sound really pathetic to some of you but i needed to talk to someone, and i didnt really know who else to turn to.

I've always been majorly self concious - currently undergoing help for severe anxiety - BDD, OCD and social phobia. my biggest issue has been my weight/appearance for all my life, i never remember feeling happy/confident with how i look/who i am.

so with the fact i have lost 39lbs in the last 15-18months i have started feeling that i am slightly more acceptable now, and although i still have some weight to lose, i dont feel as bad about it all now.

I eat really carefully, hate eating infront of other people, unless its people i'm close with, at work i used to go off somewhere for lunch on my own so people didnt look at me and judge me for eating, i have now been here for over a year, and only recently (5/6weeks) have i started to eat at my desk when i'm busy or not feeling going out to find somewhere....

...then on Friday, it was someone in the offices birthday and they brought in cakes and biscuits, everyone had some cake and i kept saying no but in the end will power gave in and i asked for a small slice (half of what everyone else had...and i ate mine with fork where everyone else just used hands) and one of the male football coaches turns to me and infront of the whole office and says..."R u eating again? That's it, just stuff it in!!" and everytime i time i put a bit on the fork said, "Cor there you go, eatingh again!" he was laughing and being loud about it, so i know it was kind of a joke but it made me feel like crap.....

....then today, i had a slice of toast at breakfast before many people were in the office, and just now at lunch, i had bought in an asda good for you sweet and sour chicken and rice ready meal, i never eat a whole one of these ready meals, between 1/3 and 1/2 of them, when i was in the kitchen putting it in the microwave, one of the female memebrs of staff came out, looked at the dinner, then me, turned her nose up a bit and said...."And do you eat again when you get home if you have one of them for lunch? that would be madness eating that at lunch then having dinner at home! What do you do, have a sandwich/salad indoors then?"....i wanted to just tell the truth and say..."well yes of course i eat again at home, i have a small, well balanced/healthy meal" but instead found myself saying "oh no i dont eat again" and she agreed saying "oohh right thats ok then!"

am i really that bad for having a bit of birthday cake? and seriously, if im eating half a ready meal for lunch, should i not be eating a proper meal in the evening? am i really a pig if i do that? is this why i can't lose weight? do i just eat too much?

sorry for the random rambling post, but feeling rather crap at moment and didnt quite know where else to vent :frown:

gemco · June 2011

people love to comment without thinking. the first guy, he was trying to be funny. that was sarcasm, he doesn't think you're greedy for having a bit of cake, he was joking that you don't eat. not funny either, but he wasn't saying you were a pig. you know full well you ate less than everyone else and its just paranoia making you feel like you did something 'wrong'

as for the second woman, god knows. she just sounds like a nosey weirdo.

MrsM1ggins · June 2011

I'm really sorry your colleagues made you feel this way. The reason they did it? Some people just don't think before they open their mouths.

You are doing what's right for you. Your MFP pals will support you. As hard as it is at the time, just ignore the idiots. You will reach your goals despite their stupidity.

yanicka · June 2011

Wow some people have no idea how hurtfull they can be. I am so sorry that they made you feel bad. You know what you eat, it's your life and not anyone else.

Good luck honey

GARider · June 2011

I am so sorry this has happened to you, but your coworkers are a bunch of a-holes. You handled yourself very well, because I would have told them to mind their own effing business. Obviously if you have lost 39 pounds, you are doing something right. The woman is probably just jealous at your success and is trying to play mind games with you and the guy is just a jerk. Don't let it get in your head.

tsimehc2000 · June 2011

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I've had similar things happen at work. It may because I'm a Manager and therefore universally hated

As far as your issues with anxiety, OCD and BPD. My wife has some of the same issues and she is on here as well, her name is Pandaweevil. She has hit her goal weight and may have some encouraging words for you. You have done a great job so far and you should never allow yourself someone to stand on your back to make them taller.

shesnotthere · June 2011

people love to comment without thinking. the first guy, he was trying to be funny. that was sarcasm, he doesn't think you're greedy for having a bit of cake, he was joking that you don't eat. not funny either, but he wasn't saying you were a pig. you know full well you ate less than everyone else and its just paranoia making you feel like you did something 'wrong'

as for the second woman, god knows. she just sounds like a nosey weirdo.

I agree that the first guy sounds like he was actually trying to be sarcastic about the fact that you don't eat much and that you were actually eating cake, which it sounds like you don't usually indulge in.

The second lady sounds weird. Who gives a **** when you have your main meal? Plenty of people eat their main meal at lunch time. I know you weren't even doing that, but really, why is it her business? Some people just like to judge others no matter how trivial the subject.

I'm glad you're getting help with this. I'm sorry you feel so uncomfortable about food in your office.

walkingcokes · June 2011

I am so sorry this has happened to you, but your coworkers are a bunch of a-holes. You handled yourself very well, because I would have told them to mind their own effing business. Obviously if you have lost 39 pounds, you are doing something right. The woman is probably just jealous at your success and is trying to play mind games with you and the guy is just a jerk. Don't let it get in your head.

Totally agree with this post.

kykykenna · June 2011

First of, you dont need to justify what and how much you eat.....we all NEED to eat, and the proper amount , the right choices.By losing 39lbs, you obviously are making great choices. My guess? They have noticed the weight loss, and instead of a "you look great" they would rather be sarcastic. Poo on them. You keep doing what you are doing, and I agree...MFP friends are here for you!!!

YMTaylor · June 2011

I don't know where you work or anything about those people but they need to be told to shove off! I personally don't feel like you can deprive yourself all the time so a small piece of cake now and then is fine. And of course you need to eat a healthy dinner at home, that's ridiculous to think you shouldn't. I know you want to lose weight but you shouldn't be under 1200 calories each day or you will make yourself unhealthy.

BigBoneSista · June 2011

people love to comment without thinking. the first guy, he was trying to be funny. that was sarcasm, he doesn't think you're greedy for having a bit of cake, he was joking that you don't eat. not funny either, but he wasn't saying you were a pig. you know full well you ate less than everyone else and its just paranoia making you feel like you did something 'wrong'

as for the second woman, god knows. she just sounds like a nosey weirdo.

I agree. That 2nd woman though may have some issues of her own. Don't allow her to put them off on you. You are making huge strides. Don't allow the acts of others to deter you from opening up more. You are doing an awesome job.

gaeljo · June 2011

Wow! I can't believe how incredibly rude those people were being. I think if you said something in an extremely polite voice and said something like, "While I appreciate your concern for my diet and welfare, it really is none of your business." I think you'd get an immediate apology from them. I think you need to politely point out how flipping rude these people are. And also, don't try not to be self conscious. Ok, so here is my food story, somewhat similar. I was in a church meeting and I bring my own food (i'm a vegetarian and people don't get how to just make a salad) so I had grapefruit, a pear, a bunch of random stuff. I also had my bike and had a 13 mile ride all up hill immediately following my meeting. Surprise to me, they served a vegetarian lunch! well, I had 3 platefulls of salad, fruit salad and then I proceeded to eat my fruit. All of a sudden everyone started stareing at me and their eyebrows lifted. My friend, Jake who was at the meeting piped up and say, "Oh, she always eats like that." Meaning, I always eat a ton of food. He's right, I do, I won't lie about it, I am a triathlete and depending on my workout load, sometimes i have to eat 3300 calories and the only way I can is to eat all day long, no joke! I burst out laughing at his comment and agreed with Jake. Then pointed out, I have a 13 mile bike ride up hill to Conesus after this meeing, if I don't fuel up, I wont' get there until tomorrow. Then everyone was put at ease. My point is, for the butt head you work with that was joking around, why fight it? Why not try and laugh with him and blow it off? It's easy to take things personally...I get it. He was a rude jerk, but don't be afraid to either 1. stand up for yourself by calling people to the carpet on what is their business and what is not. 2. laugh it off it is appropriate to. 3. Go to the person who hurt you publically, and talk to them privately and tell them your feelings were hurt. Good luck!

zenchild · June 2011

I agree the guy was probably teasing you for not eating enough.
The woman has probably noticed your weight loss and is jealous and wondering how you do it. She is completely tactless and rude, but she just sounds jealous.
Try putting before and after pictures of yourself somewhere only you can see them (it's a little strange to put up pictures of yourself at work). Maybe in your purse. And anytime someone makes you feel bad, take a peek and remind yourself how far you've come.

sd892310 · June 2011

thank you for the replies, it's nice to know i have people on here i can talk to with out being judged. I know it sounds like such trivial things/cmments but just reminds me of all the comments i used get when i was younger from age of 8 i was being told i was fat, did i really need to eat that sausage roll? (when i was at a family birthday party and it was party food), that i looked like a sausage bursting out of its skin in the clothes i'm in, "do you think climbing that tree is a good idea, the branch might break" these werent always from kids either, some of thses types of comments were from adult family members...then thing is i wasnt even that big when i was younger, i was just a little chubbier than my brother and sister who did and still do look anorexic naturally! but for years i was given grief, and now when i have tried so hard and worked to get where i am, i'm still getting these comments and being made to feel so crappy and i think it just hits a nerve!

graysmom2005 · June 2011

What on Earth are these people thinking? I agree that since you eat so little the guy was trying to be funny because they "actually" saw you eating something. Which probably means he is insecure with how much HE eats, otherwise why would he even notice. That made himself feel better.

That lady is just a dolt. Of COURSE you would have a dinner at home! I certainly would. I can't imagine having the restraint to eat half myself! People just don't think....like when I was asked if I was pregnant. LOL!

((HUGS))

susiewusie · June 2011

I am so sorry this has happened to you, but your coworkers are a bunch of a-holes. You handled yourself very well, because I would have told them to mind their own effing business. Obviously if you have lost 39 pounds, you are doing something right. The woman is probably just jealous at your success and is trying to play mind games with you and the guy is just a jerk. Don't let it get in your head.

Totally agree with this post.

Couldnt have said it better myself ,some people are so ignorant and just plain rude xxx

donicagalek · June 2011

I want to know the HR person that set out to only hire people with self-esteem issues. At least you openly admit to yours. Those others...their closets are so stuffed with issues that they're about the bust the doors open. Honestly - the guy sounds like he needs a swift kick to the balls for being obnoxious and the woman, unless she's a friend it's just NOT normal to ask what you eat when you're home. Have you had conversations about dieting before with her? That's just so weird to come out of the blue with that line of questioning.

donicagalek · June 2011

And if it was an office party, why in the hell didn't anyone else tell cake-boy to shove it?

AngieM76 · June 2011

I dont have anyreal words of wisdom but I wanted to say I am sorry your co workers are being that way. I think the first guy was just probably trying to be funny. As for the women, I would have looked at her and said "what I eat is your business, how"

sd892310 · June 2011

I want to know the HR person that set out to only hire people with self-esteem issues. At least you openly admit to yours. Those others...their closets are so stuffed with issues that they're about the bust the doors open. Honestly - the guy sounds like he needs a swift kick to the balls for being obnoxious and the woman, unless she's a friend it's just NOT normal to ask what you eat when you're home. Have you had conversations about dieting before with her? That's just so weird to come out of the blue with that line of questioning.

The woman that made the comment is actually the Personnel/HR Officer for our company, but no she is not a friend or someone i even really talk to

AlexandraLove · June 2011

Be assertive. It is perfectly acceptable to tell the man "You are being cruel. It's not funny. Stop." and to tell the woman "what I eat is not your concern."

myofibril · June 2011

And if it was an office party, why in the hell didn't anyone else tell cake-boy to shove it?

Yeah, you're right. I guess he thought he was being sooooo clever and witty but in reality he sounds about as funny as chlamydia.

The second lady just sounds like you average, clueless person on the street with very little knowledge of biochemistry, nutrition or exercise. The flawed idea that you need to starve yourself to lose weight successfully is so common that it is now accepted as a fact sadly. In fact, to lose weight and more importantly KEEP it off you need to eat more than starvation levels. Crazy idea huh?

Sophiepoo · June 2011

Bah! That woman sounds like she has nothing better to do then make others feel bad. It's none of her business. You should have said' yeah, I DO eat more when I get home, and then I eat 5 cakes, a whole tub of ice cream and a full english' really sarcasticaly, then maybe she'll back off.
Just pay no attention to this sort of attention. You sound like you're doing an amazing job!

skbruewer · June 2011

I understand how you feel. I hate eating in front of people. When I eat lunch at the office, I have to close my door, and if people stop in, I damn near hide my salad! Some people say things just to be rude to make themselves feel better, and others just have no idea that what they're saying is hurtful. My mother-in-law, who I love dearly said, "Well, I guess you won't take any cake home, since you're always on a diet.". It hurt my feelings, but I know she wasn't actually trying to be rude. I've had others say really hurtful things if I have a piece of chocolate at work, so I just try to avoid doing it around them. I know I should stand up for myself, but it can be very difficult.

sophjakesmom · June 2011

I am so sorry this has happened to you, but your coworkers are a bunch of a-holes. You handled yourself very well, because I would have told them to mind their own effing business. Obviously if you have lost 39 pounds, you are doing something right. The woman is probably just jealous at your success and is trying to play mind games with you and the guy is just a jerk. Don't let it get in your head.

Totally agree with this post.

Sounds like some real jerks! you have done a great job, and you should feel awesome. Don't let them take your light away. I bet they have some work to do on themselves as well. (like manners. :grumble: )

LindsayChick · June 2011

First of all, I just wanted to say sorry for all the uncomfortable comments. =( I totally hate that. I would recommend starting to eat around them more. I know that would be really hard, especially at first. I had somewhat of the same experience earlier this year. I was doing a particular rotation at work (in the particular area of medicine that I was trying to get into at the time) which has a very small and tight-knit community. They always have conference from 12:15-1:15 every day, during which most everyone eats their lunch. I had a pretty free schedule so would just go eat my lunch before conference and then sit through conference with everyone else. I was really nervous about eating around everyone else (or just nervous all together!!). Anyway, several times people commented "Do you EVER eat??". I got tired of hearing that and didn't want them to think I was weird so I just started holding out and eating with them every day. I didn't get another comment after that. Good luck and keep up the healthy choices!

GraceEMyers · June 2011

I'm so sorry you have been made to feel this way! Sometimes it can be best to take those people to one side if you feel confident enough to do so and let them know how you feel, Some people just don't think before they talk.

If it has really upset you it may be worth having a quiet chat with your manager and he will be able to raise it with them, you can ask for it to be kep totoally confidential and just have him be generic about the feedback he gives to them.

Don't let this get you down, you have done amazing to get where you are!! Keep going

xx

Debbiecastor · June 2011

I agree with some of the others here.....I think there's a bit of jealousy on your co-workers side, of your progress and the fact that you are succeeding!!! Don't ever let anyone stop you from succeeding!! You have done fantastic!!! And it probably shows....so the ones that are feeling insecure will try to make you fail!! If nothing else....make that your power!!! My husband went thru a period, about 14 years ago, of depression, anxiety and OCD too. He got help...and with time has made a fantastic turnaround. He's on meds, which help him a lot!!! Good for you and your success!!! HANG IN THERE!!! We're all cheering you on.....and when you're at the office, hear our voices encouraging you and patting your back for a job well done!!!! :flowerforyou:

sd892310 · June 2011

thanks for all the support guys

it really does help

MsKeelah919 · June 2011

WHAT?!? Oh this just upset me! How DARE someone comment on what youre putting in YOUR mouth??!! You have done what most of the population cant, and thats lose weight, so ignore their rudeness. and ignorance. That is some serious bounds overstepping!! This is just a personal test for you to see if you REALLY feel like that same girl or if you can accept your GREAT STRIDES as proof of change! Good luck, dont let the haters get you down.

Been made to feel like pig twice in 2 days at work

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