The Grief of losing a parent

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  • Kelly_2013
    Kelly_2013 Posts: 117 Member
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    yes! It's like it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that he is gone but harder to wrap my mind around the fact that he passed from Leukemia, In less than 4 weeks from when we had even an idea that anything was wrong. So it's all just been a whirlwind all around. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers
  • bisky
    bisky Posts: 975 Member
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    I lost my father the Sunday after Thanksgiving a few years ago. This is a very tough time as no one will ever replace that relationship. It is very special. I suggest you be patient with your self and allow yourself to feel sad, cry, anger, etc. It is okay, it is normal and it necessary. You have to go through this grieving process. You will survive this. Your father will always be there in your heart and thoughts. There is no time limit on your grief. You might feel this way 6 months from now. That is okay. Everyone grieves in their own time. I truly am sorry for your loss but the love you had for him is manifested in your grief.
  • noobletmcnugget
    noobletmcnugget Posts: 518 Member
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    I lost my mum unexpectedly ~6 years ago. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. I can only recommend remembering that it does get better and easier to cope with as time goes on. Make sure you don't bottle up your feelings and emotions. Talking with other people helps a lot. And feel free to feel how you feel - don't feel bad for grieving differently to other people. It will be okay xxx
  • bluestarlight19
    bluestarlight19 Posts: 419 Member
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    I lost my father 2 years ago to a hemorrhagic stroke. He was already very sick but it left an emptiness in me for a while. I instantly gained about 15lbs and didn't get them off until this year. Honestly, the thing that really helped keep me out of the dark pit were my 2 young girls. They constantly, even at the funeral, reminded everyone with their bright smiles that life goes on. Ask your husband for help, call him on his breaks if you can, just to talk. My husband took on quite a load for me, I am very thankful he was there for every step, anything I asked. I just needed to tell him. And don't be afraid to seek help if its too much. One of my sisters needed a grief councilor and she said it helped her so much, she just couldn't get back to normal life with out extra support.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I can think of a few things that made his passing that much worse. You were close, he was part of your daily life and routine, and he was taken unexpectedly. There's a big hole where he was and that just doesn't just fade away in a month. What a privilege that he lived his life in such a way that he could be so missed.

    Instead of weight loss, which may feel like just another burden right now, how about focusing on those things (love the suggestion up-thread to find joy in the little things!) that give you happiness, comfort, and joy?
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Oaks have a lot of significance for me. They live longer than people. An oak I plant today will shade the heads of unseen descendants. I've been holding off on a project to preserve an oak leaf and I finally got around to doing it this past weekend. I am wearing it today as a reminder of it's significance.

    bit.ly/1RAyd4B

    I bought a shadow box from the craft store and filled with images and mementos from my grandfather. Now I pass that box and I am filled with fond memories of everything he represents.

    Having a little time to do a significant thing, feels so good.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    My mom passed away from cancer on Thanksgiving; so it's been a little over 2 weeks. I've really pushed myself to "get back to normal" as quickly as possible. It isn't the same normal, but it is a new normal that will eventually feel normal (in time). Going to the gym helps keep my mind occupied.
  • 13bbird13
    13bbird13 Posts: 425 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    My mother died suddenly in 1977 when I was a teenager. My dad is 91 next month, in a nursing home, on his third stroke, and I know it's a matter of time although I try not to think about it. Last year when he went into the nursing home I gained 20 pounds, mostly fast food and wine. I kept telling myself that anything I had to do to get through the day and help him with his medical and financial affairs, I would allow myself. It was self-destructive and I'm just now starting to climb back out of it.

    I can personally recommend counseling. I went earlier this year when I realized I was spending way too much time staring at the wall not knowing what to do first, feeling completely overwhelmed. Like you say, I felt like "I just didn't care much" about anything. My friends have been very supportive but I found it helpful to talk to someone who didn't know me, who could be objective, who had resources and suggestions my friends didn't have. I'd encourage you to give it a try.

    Please keep us updated on how you're doing. As you can see, there are a lot of us who can empathize.
  • BudhiRooh
    BudhiRooh Posts: 89 Member
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    I can totally relate to your grief. I lost my father in Feb 2014 because of Leukemia as well. The time he got his diagnosis, it was already too late and doctors advised us that we should not try for any Chemotherapy or anything else because it will only make things worse for him. He had literally turned into a skeleton. He had lost his eye vision earlier due to a cataract surgery (which went wrong due to a doctor's negligence).
    I live in States and my family lives in Pakistan and I had plans to visit Pakistan in March 2014 and got the news of his death on 20th Feb, 2014. I'm still trying to overcome with the pain he went through.
    I guess losing a parent is a loss that you can never get over with. It will be with you for the rest of your life. May God (Allah) give you patience ...

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