Diary of a binge eater, dealing with self defeat

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darcus_kirby
darcus_kirby Posts: 21 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I have a major binge disorder. Whenever I stress, get bored, lonely, any reason I can come up with really it starts an internal battle that, more often then not, I lose. I've sought council on it. But in person I pull back and can't bring myself to admit what I do. Can anyone give me any advice?? I'm desperate

Replies

  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    Seems like you need to be seeking help from a professional.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
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    The only thing I've ever had success with is finding way to prevent the triggers. I keep myself busy and my mind engaged so that my mind doesn't wander. It certainly helps, but only goes so far. As long as I win more days than I lose, I consider that progress.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    Journal those feelings instead of eating them.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
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    I have fought binging for years. My husband doesn't really even know how bad it was. A whole batch of cookies, half a tub of ice cream, chips, blocks of cheese. The list continues.

    In reality it happens more than weekly. I made a deal with myself to log EVERY THING I eat. Guilty, feeling crappy about it, no matter what i log it. I am doing great with that. There was one night I ate 8 cookies and would have eaten more but logged them, saw the numbers and took myself to bed. I am resisting emotional, sad, bored binging because of the logging i am doing. For me it is working. I am trying to analyze feelings and reasons when I get the urge to binge. I cannot see a counsellor because I live in the middle of nowhere.

    So my best tip is logging. Every day. Dont Skip!! Have a plan, a backup plan, and really think things through. Goals, lifestyle, etc. Log your good days and bad and if you have someone close to you to talk to do! I confessed to a friend recently and they are my listening ear. A voice of reason when you want to clear the whole pantry is such a blessing. Usually she just has to tell me to go out for a walk and once I do I am calmer and satisfied again. It will take time but I am sure you will find a method that works for you.
  • kthompson601
    kthompson601 Posts: 174 Member
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    I agree about the logging tip; I too struggle with binging and have had a really bad week. I told myself that I should at least record everything I'm eating, even though it is horrible and puts my calories way, way in the red. I mean, that's the point of MFP, right? To track and be accountable? So I record that I ate so many cookies or so many handfuls of nuts or the bag of chips or whatever it was. I think that's a good step.

    The other approach I try to take is a little bit of forgiveness. I have a very bad tendency to beat myself up, to do nothing but negative talk and be really hard on myself. So it's been a miserable week. When I am in a binging episode and feeling lots of remorse, shame, guilt, and self-hatred, I try to remedy and relax with some self-compassion, something I have a lot of trouble cultivating. I take a long bath with my expensive gels and get into my favorite pajamas and literally give myself a talking to. "Why are you so hard on yourself? You are not perfect. You make mistakes. You can only do better next time. Choose to eat your next meal appropriately. Don't dwell on the past mistake. Make a good choice at your next meal. You can't be perfect."

    It's definitely an ongoing battle, though...I also enjoy reading books and memoirs from people who have lost lots of weight or who have struggled with binging, it gives me some inspiration.
  • silversue772
    silversue772 Posts: 6 Member
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    I have to be honest; there are days when I eat everything in the house; whether it be a box of cookies or an entire box of protein bars, to me it amounts to the same thing. Its the act itself.

    But I now wonder, is this due to a vitamin deficiency?

    I find that if I have not had enough rest the night before and feel that I am running on empty, (too many late nights or too much alcohol or fighting the flu) and my body goes into overdrive with the need to fill up my reserve tank and do not stop to think. Of course I hate myself afterwards and lets not mention how sluggish and bloated I feel next day. And, as I am not getting any younger, how much time it takes to lose the weight that I have gained during one of these episodes. Literally starting all over again and again :(

    But I really am beginning to wonder, do I have a vitamin deficiency? Low Iron? And; could all this be avoided if I went to bed and got enough sleep (at least 7 hours) on a nightly basis?

    /silversue
  • nikkkicp
    nikkkicp Posts: 9 Member
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    Hey!

    I used to binge eat all the time when I was in high school. I would eat the point where I would want to throw up almost every day after school. I haven't binged in years and these certain factors have helped me.

    1. Be "mindful" of your eating. What this means is to ONLY eat when you are eating, and appreciate every bite that you have. It may be hard at first but many of the times when bingeing we tend to think about what is coming next when we need to focus on the "right now". Always drink water between bites, this can fill you up and help your body recognize that you are fuller sooner.

    2. This is a little personal and may not apply to you but when I was on birth control the bingeing was uncontrollable. This is due to the hormones which change our cravings and satiety. If you are on a hormonal birth control, switching types or to an alternative (without hormones) may help.

    3. As the others stated, logging can help too. But it can also hurt you. Instead of thinking about the nutrients in foods many times logging only focuses on the calories, which makes you feel restricted. If you are building healthy meals and eating when you are hungry (not when you are starving) you can become more in tune with your body.

    Well, these are just a few things that helped me, I hope they can help you as well.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
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    I think the assessment of not enough rest is very true for me silversue772. Overtired does it every time! Now that my babies are grown, and my thyroid is treated, my sleep patterns are much more normal and I can control the binging better. Not sure about the vitamin level part but I will. lol closer at some of the next bloodwork I get.
  • silversue772
    silversue772 Posts: 6 Member
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    Thank you Ladies!

    And I will try to keep this in mind as I desperately try to fall asleep (just isn't happening) and i zwear last cup of coffee was at 4pm! I am meeting a bunch of girls tomorrow for Christmas drinks; i vow to have no more than 2 so I can wake up feeling refreshed Fri morn

    do I set myself up for disaster? I dunno but I'm thinking I should change my tune from living in the moment to looking forward to tommow/future

    Cheers
  • chnkysoup
    chnkysoup Posts: 79 Member
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    I too have struggled with a binge disorder my whole life. Before I used the depo provera shot 10 years ago the bingeing didn't affect me too badly. But after I started gaining weight and continuing with my binge eating I gained about 100 pounds. So now I sit 100 pounds heavier and I am having to confront my issue (which I am too embarrassed about to even let my husband know how bad it has been). I knew this time around I would need support, encouragement, and accountability. I have been back on MFP counting calories for the last 5 days and I have joined groups and added friends because I want to be held accountable. I still get urges but knowing that I will be discussing my success or lack of with other people keeps me motivated to keep myself in check. I agree with the above advice about logging EVERYTHING. Seeing it in black and white really helps me. I will send you a friend request, we can do this together!!
  • alaskanora
    alaskanora Posts: 11 Member
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    I've been confronting my thought process about binging. I'll tell myself, it's ok because tomorrow I won't do this or I deserve this. Once I challenge those thoughts, I seem to come back to reality and can avoid starting.
  • ziesergirl_66
    ziesergirl_66 Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I've struggled with my weight for 20 yrs. Only 2 yrs ago my therapist diagnosed me with binge eating. Just yesterday, I finally told my husband. A few of my close friends know, but no family. I'm too embarrassed. It's obvious to anyone who knows me that I have a weight problem. I really think the disorder is related to psychological, mental issues. Mine : depression, anxiety, ptsd, loneliness, boredom. My therapist suggest I get all trigger foods out of the house....chips are the worst for me. I live in a very small town, so fast food joints aren't a problem..but they can be if I run errands, go shopping. For years I have spells of doing very well, then very bad. It's not uncommon for me to binge every couple hours, all day long. To the point of being physically full, stomach in pain, and acid reflux in my throat. And, most of the time I am aware of it...it's like not caring and I deserve to do this to myself. Huge self-esteem issue.
    What has helped for me - looking pictures at myself when I was thinner, feeling much healthier. Logging food (here) or even journaling in a notebook. Exercising. Making signs (visuals) positive 'words' for my kitchen. Talking to someone -- mainly someone who understands or knows what you are going thru. There are forums here on this topic. Try to make a realistic plan for eating, weight loss goals, and reference if daily. And lastly, be kind to YOU and love yourself. Don't make your weight your 'worth'. I did this for many years, and missed out on LIVING. Good luck and best wishes on your journey to health. You are welcome to friend request me as well.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
    edited December 2015
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    silversue772 wrote: »
    I have to be honest; there are days when I eat everything in the house; whether it be a box of cookies or an entire box of protein bars, to me it amounts to the same thing. Its the act itself.

    But I now wonder, is this due to a vitamin deficiency?

    I find that if I have not had enough rest the night before and feel that I am running on empty, (too many late nights or too much alcohol or fighting the flu) and my body goes into overdrive with the need to fill up my reserve tank and do not stop to think. Of course I hate myself afterwards and lets not mention how sluggish and bloated I feel next day. And, as I am not getting any younger, how much time it takes to lose the weight that I have gained during one of these episodes. Literally starting all over again and again :(

    But I really am beginning to wonder, do I have a vitamin deficiency? Low Iron? And; could all this be avoided if I went to bed and got enough sleep (at least 7 hours) on a nightly basis?

    /silversue

    Yes, going to bed earlier is the obvious first thing to try. Also, too much alcohol will affect your quality of sleep.

    You could get tested for iron deficiency if you don't notice a difference after improving your sleep hygiene.

    Is too little sleep a cause of weight gain?

    It might be. Recent studies have suggested an association between sleep duration and weight gain. Sleeping less than five hours — or more than nine hours — a night appears to increase the likelihood of weight gain.

    In one study, recurrent sleep deprivation in men increased their preferences for high-calorie foods and their overall calorie intake. In another study, women who slept less than six hours a night or more than nine hours were more likely to gain 11 pounds (5 kilograms) compared with women who slept seven hours a night. Other studies have found similar patterns in children and adolescents.

    One explanation might be that sleep duration affects hormones regulating hunger — ghrelin and leptin — and stimulates the appetite. Another contributing factor might be that lack of sleep leads to fatigue and results in less physical activity.

    So now you have another reason to get a good night's sleep.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    First of all, congratulations on making the first step of confession. You told us! It's now a baby step to tell a medical professional/counsellor/therapist. You found sympathy and understanding here; you will find it in person too.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    By the way, I suspect the way out of your old habit patterns will be highly personal and you are going to have to dig deep as to what sets you off, and what you might do differently next time. Do this with a trusted counselor.

    Also, it is perfectly fine to switch counselors until you find one with whom you feel comfortable confessing to. This is your inner self we are talking about. You deserve to be loved and protected from harm.

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