Diary of a binge eater, dealing with self defeat

The only thing I've ever had success with is finding way to prevent the triggers. I keep myself busy and my mind engaged so that my mind doesn't wander. It certainly helps, but only goes so far. As long as I win more days than I lose, I consider that progress.

I have fought binging for years. My husband doesn't really even know how bad it was. A whole batch of cookies, half a tub of ice cream, chips, blocks of cheese. The list continues.

In reality it happens more than weekly. I made a deal with myself to log EVERY THING I eat. Guilty, feeling crappy about it, no matter what i log it. I am doing great with that. There was one night I ate 8 cookies and would have eaten more but logged them, saw the numbers and took myself to bed. I am resisting emotional, sad, bored binging because of the logging i am doing. For me it is working. I am trying to analyze feelings and reasons when I get the urge to binge. I cannot see a counsellor because I live in the middle of nowhere.

So my best tip is logging. Every day. Dont Skip!! Have a plan, a backup plan, and really think things through. Goals, lifestyle, etc. Log your good days and bad and if you have someone close to you to talk to do! I confessed to a friend recently and they are my listening ear. A voice of reason when you want to clear the whole pantry is such a blessing. Usually she just has to tell me to go out for a walk and once I do I am calmer and satisfied again. It will take time but I am sure you will find a method that works for you.

I have to be honest; there are days when I eat everything in the house; whether it be a box of cookies or an entire box of protein bars, to me it amounts to the same thing. Its the act itself.

But I now wonder, is this due to a vitamin deficiency?

I find that if I have not had enough rest the night before and feel that I am running on empty, (too many late nights or too much alcohol or fighting the flu) and my body goes into overdrive with the need to fill up my reserve tank and do not stop to think. Of course I hate myself afterwards and lets not mention how sluggish and bloated I feel next day. And, as I am not getting any younger, how much time it takes to lose the weight that I have gained during one of these episodes. Literally starting all over again and again

But I really am beginning to wonder, do I have a vitamin deficiency? Low Iron? And; could all this be avoided if I went to bed and got enough sleep (at least 7 hours) on a nightly basis?

/silversue

I think the assessment of not enough rest is very true for me silversue772. Overtired does it every time! Now that my babies are grown, and my thyroid is treated, my sleep patterns are much more normal and I can control the binging better. Not sure about the vitamin level part but I will. lol closer at some of the next bloodwork I get.

I too have struggled with a binge disorder my whole life. Before I used the depo provera shot 10 years ago the bingeing didn't affect me too badly. But after I started gaining weight and continuing with my binge eating I gained about 100 pounds. So now I sit 100 pounds heavier and I am having to confront my issue (which I am too embarrassed about to even let my husband know how bad it has been). I knew this time around I would need support, encouragement, and accountability. I have been back on MFP counting calories for the last 5 days and I have joined groups and added friends because I want to be held accountable. I still get urges but knowing that I will be discussing my success or lack of with other people keeps me motivated to keep myself in check. I agree with the above advice about logging EVERYTHING. Seeing it in black and white really helps me. I will send you a friend request, we can do this together!!

I've struggled with my weight for 20 yrs. Only 2 yrs ago my therapist diagnosed me with binge eating. Just yesterday, I finally told my husband. A few of my close friends know, but no family. I'm too embarrassed. It's obvious to anyone who knows me that I have a weight problem. I really think the disorder is related to psychological, mental issues. Mine : depression, anxiety, ptsd, loneliness, boredom. My therapist suggest I get all trigger foods out of the house....chips are the worst for me. I live in a very small town, so fast food joints aren't a problem..but they can be if I run errands, go shopping. For years I have spells of doing very well, then very bad. It's not uncommon for me to binge every couple hours, all day long. To the point of being physically full, stomach in pain, and acid reflux in my throat. And, most of the time I am aware of it...it's like not caring and I deserve to do this to myself. Huge self-esteem issue.
What has helped for me - looking pictures at myself when I was thinner, feeling much healthier. Logging food (here) or even journaling in a notebook. Exercising. Making signs (visuals) positive 'words' for my kitchen. Talking to someone -- mainly someone who understands or knows what you are going thru. There are forums here on this topic. Try to make a realistic plan for eating, weight loss goals, and reference if daily. And lastly, be kind to YOU and love yourself. Don't make your weight your 'worth'. I did this for many years, and missed out on LIVING. Good luck and best wishes on your journey to health. You are welcome to friend request me as well.

First of all, congratulations on making the first step of confession. You told us! It's now a baby step to tell a medical professional/counsellor/therapist. You found sympathy and understanding here; you will find it in person too.