I'm pathetic...

...but I don't want to be.

So I'm really struggling... I guess the one saving grace is that I KNOW I have a problem. Food is something I believe I've become addicted to. I don't eat when I am hungry, I eat just to eat. And I can't stand eating broccoli or asparagus or all those healthy foods. I enjoy burgers and pizza and chicken strips.

But I want to change. I do. I am just becoming more and more my own worst enemy. I feel horrible, I look horrible... a year ago I was running 10 miles on the weekend, competed in the Red Rock Relay (a 65 mile relay race), did the Dirty Dash for the 2nd time and felt great. Now I can't even tie my shoes correctly. I can't lean forward to grasp the bar to adjust the seat forward or backward in a car. I can barely put pants on without struggling. Walking and talking at the same time is a chore. Keeping up with my friends while walking is hard.

I've become pathetic.

But I know I need to change. I've known it for a long time. It's taking the next step that I am struggling with. I know I need to eat less, I know I need to eat better (though I won't kid myself that I can eat clean or super healthy food, just less and better) and I know I need to exercise more.

Why am I saying this? I don't know... I want to vent to someone other than myself or my wife. My wife wants to support me but that only goes so far. Sorry for rambling and venting. Maybe it can be something that will help kickstart my *kitten* into gear.

Anyone else struggling to really make a difference?
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Replies

  • RainyDayRider
    RainyDayRider Posts: 8 Member
    No worries! Venting is OK. You are not pathetic, and I'll wager that a lot of guys have the same story. You can do this. I am also starting to ease myself back into healthy habits (and MFP) after a long hiatus as well, but I am not perfect. I have to develop some habits, and figure out some ways to make it work, but I know that I will get in the groove.
    MFP... I love the simplicity of the tracking tools. Being able to add those calories from workouts is like "money in the bank" food wise. I am motivated to work out more so I can EAT more. (*kitten* starvation, am I right?)
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    I used to struggle with all kinds of excuses as to why I couldn't lose. One day I realized these excuses were me giving my power away. I have control over what I do. I'm not addicted to junk food (however you wish to define it). I chose to continue eating in a way that was not supportive of the things I want in my life, and I chose to not make the changes.

    Once I realized the pain of staying where I was outweighed the fear of making the changes that I wanted to make, and took back control of my life, things became so much easier.

    Take your control back.
  • ToughBabs88
    ToughBabs88 Posts: 2 Member
    You ARE NOT pathetic! I was having the same struggles just a few short months ago. I ate out for EVERY meal. Pizza, burgers, tacos the list goes on and on.. Over a 6 year span, I gained 125+ lbs and I felt like a failure.. like how did I let this happen.. I couldn't walk without getting winded, I was uncomfortable in my clothes, I was frustrated and sad. I got to the point where I felt like I should just except myself as this larger person. But then about 4 months ago I made the decision to lose weight. It wasn't easy when I started and I still have struggles now but everyday is a chance to do better. Someone told me at the beginning of my journey that it isn't about perfection but it is about progress. I've held on to that motto and every time I feel like I failed I remind myself of all the progress I've made. For instance, I used to park right next to the door to my job.. Now I park 2 blocks away and walk. It may not seem like a lot to others but for me that is a huge "win"! You're going to get on track whether it's today, tomorrow, or next month. Just keep trying and don't be too hard on yourself.
  • M3ltD0Vvn
    M3ltD0Vvn Posts: 76 Member
    Lets do this.

    Guys like you and I are in the same boat. Give 120% one day, then stand 1 foot in the grave the next.

    You are not pathetic, you are a survivor. Alive is well ahead of the game. Eating too much is a sign you want to live, and if being over weight is your biggest problem, then we have this game practically won.

    You have wife and kids? Then it isn't even the two minute warning. Yet. Gear up, dig in, and get dirty. Clock is ticking, but still plenty of time to make the plays that matter and finish this thing on top.

    We got this.

    \m/
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    You can do this! Many of us have been in your boat...the good thing is that you WANT the change! You've made the first step! Get your plan happening, and start seeing those results! Good luck!! xo
  • mweckler
    mweckler Posts: 623 Member
    You are not alone. I have packed on 65 pounds over the last two years, I became depressed I can't even bend down to tie my shoes any more. But I got to a point where I had to make a decision do I give up and not care anymore about gaining weight? Or do I stand up drag my *kitten* to the gym, put down the cakes and candy, and really take a hold of my downward spiral and start to turn myself around.
  • PrincessMegan13
    PrincessMegan13 Posts: 43 Member
    Fantastic that you are ready to make the change and you are taking the necessary steps to make it happen! You are NOT pathetic....you lost your way somewhere, and you are fighting like the dickens to get back on track! That is something to be commended, not shamed, for sure!

    And, venting is good! You've got to get rid of the frustration, the anger, the disappointment, the negative, to make room for all the positive that will be coming your way. The beauty is that you know what you CAN and HAVE done, and you know how good it feels to be at that level. You have some seriously good motivation!

    You got this! Best of luck to you, man! :)
  • PLTNM_INC
    PLTNM_INC Posts: 199 Member
    edited December 2015
    I'd consider this your next step, congrats! I've lost a total of 110lbs over the last 7 years. My happiness of the day was determined by my food binge, yay fast food...chocolate...I ate candy bars for breakfast followed by donuts and it just continued throughout the day. The good feelings of what I ate ended abruptly and I was left with the same results as you "Now I can't even tie my shoes correctly. I can't lean forward to grasp the bar to adjust the seat forward or backward in a car. I can barely put pants on without struggling. Walking and talking at the same time is a chore. Keeping up with my friends while walking is hard".
    I got to your same point, "that's enough"...what I thought was making me happy...was making me miserable. I just woke up and followed MFP, and now I'm amazingly happy...the freedom that comes from putting the right foods in your body is better than any snickers bar!! Its long lasting, freeing, and amazing!! I'm 40 and now getting into the gym lifting heavy weights. 5 years ago I had to find a bench to sit down at in Walmart b/c my body couldn't make a shopping trip. Every meal matters, you will adjust and crave oatmeal and peanut butter..lol
    Every time you start having negative thoughts, ask yourself what are you going to do about it? Every day, just follow your calories and get in your exercise, your future self thanks you ;-)
  • gems74
    gems74 Posts: 107 Member
    I hear you and felt the same way not too long ago. I struggle with food addiction too and it wasn't until I cut out artificial and processed sugar and flour products that I was able to get in control. Once your make the effort not to eat all those processed foods, it really does get easier. I will admit though I went through some crazy mood swings for about 4 weeks (pretty sure it was the sugar detox). After I cut out the flour products, I got really productive at work, my mind was clearer, and it was just great.

    I still miss my desserts but there is no way I'm going back to feeling like I was or eating like I was (bingeing and poor food choices).

    Feel free to friend me, its a tough start, but its worth fighting for.
  • rkit03
    rkit03 Posts: 294 Member
    I hear you. Don't be sorry about venting. I feel like we have things in common. I also struggle with my weight. I've been obese for most of my adult life. I crave food and think about food almost all the time. I also prefer the tastier food like pizza, fried chicken, and burgers over healthier choices. Plus I eat to excess. I've been a yo-yo dieter. 4 years ago, I lost 50 lbs, but put it all back plus 10. While on MFP, I lost about 15 lbs, but then let bad habits creep back in. I gained it all back plus 5 lbs. But I'm still trying. I'm learning what's working and what's not for me. This past November, I said I will make a commitment and not let bad habits get in the way. If I drop the ball, I will pick it up immediately, not tomorrow or the next day.

    I think just start with small changes and go step by step. If you mess up, don't let it snowball. Get up immediately and recommit to a healthier lifestyle. You can do it!
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,563 Member
    edited December 2015
    Stop saying you are pathetic and speak positive words to yourself. If you think you can, or you think you can't - either way you're right. So think you CAN.

    Instead of "I'm pathetic," say:

    I am in control of my eating now.
    I will be in control of my weight.
    I will reach my goals.
    I am a beautiful person now.
  • Clobern80
    Clobern80 Posts: 716 Member
    Thanks everyone. I really just had to get it out. Now I am going to turn it around.

    Here's wishing you all the best luck! Add me if you need a friend or some motivation. I'll do the best that I can.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    Bunless cheese burgers with fried garlic mushrooms, half a pizza with salad or sweet potato fries, 3-4 chicken strips with a jacket potato.
    You don't have to do without the foods you like. You just need to reduce the portion size or make some lower calorie swaps.
    Thinking about how much you are consuming really is the key.

    You can get fit again :)
  • mandagirl4816
    mandagirl4816 Posts: 18 Member
    I know how you feel. I lost close to 100 pounds a few years ago and it's creeping back. Feels like it happened over night but i know I have been out of control with my eating again and lack of exercise. I have gained almost 40 of what I had lost and I feel it. My new smaller clothes don't fit anymore and I feel horrible in everything I put on. Took some pics with my kids last night and I can't believe how big I look. I'm just so mad at myself for letting my old habits back in and even now seeing and feeling the difference and still can't get motivated. I truly don't know what is wrong with me. The more I try and watch what I eat the more I have been eating lately. Then I go through the self hating. It's a vicious circle. My work hours have changed and Im working completely different shift now and have a hard time fitting in time to exercise. Plus I'm going through a divorce and that is messing with my kind too. So I can relate to you but can't offer much ideas. Just hope that you are able to find motivation to get to a weight that you are comfortable with. Good luck!
  • 60muffin
    60muffin Posts: 28 Member
    What happened a year ago that set you off on your current path? There's usually a reason behind it.

    To deal with the present; you are not pathetic. Anyone who hasn't been in your situation can't possibly understand the turmoil going on in your head.

    Is it possible for the rest of your family to join in with a healthy eating and fitness regime? It's always easier if you have support and encouragement.

    MFP has been great for me as it keeps me focused. It makes me accountable for my actions, which I need because I am doing this alone. It is hard at times because I am a comfort eater and like you I don't eat because I'm hungry. I still eat things I like that are high in calories but much smaller portions and only as a treat occasionally. I gained weight after being diagnosed with breast cancer over 2 years ago. Outwards I was ok with it but inside I was a mess. Luckily I'm a survivor (so far). Strangely my kickstart was that I had alife,l, which ended up resulting in arthritis in my knee. If I want to stay mobile I need to lose another 3 stone (already ditched 2 stone) life, not for anyone else but t it takes determination along with the setbacks that will inevitably happen (and has).

    A bit of honesty here, like the rest of us YOU are the only one who can make the changes in your life and it needs to be because this is what You want for yourself and NOT because others are nagging you. Life is too short to waste it on regrets, get stuck in and get your life back.

    Good Luck, you CAN do it.
  • 60muffin
    60muffin Posts: 28 Member
    Sorry my tablet is playing up and messed up a bit of the previous message but think you can pick up the gist of it
  • pilotsroo
    pilotsroo Posts: 37 Member
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    Stop saying you are pathetic and speak positive words to yourself. If you think you can, or you think you can't - either way you're right. So think you CAN.

    Instead of "I'm pathetic," say:

    I am in control of my eating now.
    I will be in control of my weight.
    I will reach my goals.
    I am a beautiful person now.

    So many replies to read through BUT I love this one! @clobern80 I often feel the same way about myself, and it's a constant struggle to stay positive. But once we get it through our heads that we are in control we can totally beat this stupid food addiction! I'm a emotional eater so I really do feel pathetic because I lose control when I am emotional and eat all the wrong foods. I think it is important to think we can. Goodluck to you and I hope to see some success from you in the future. YOU CAN do this!!
  • Hempel01
    Hempel01 Posts: 12 Member
    I love all of the comments and support guys!!....u r in a good place on MFP....lets do this and help motivate each other ☺...feel free to add me!
  • citylife624
    citylife624 Posts: 28 Member
    @clobern80 I think we've all felt pathetic at one time or other. Mine was when I was sitting on the couch watching TV and just couldn't get comfortable because of my fat rolls. I was just. sitting. there. and still was uncomfortable. I did manage to lose about 25 pounds on my own by just making small changes in my diet, starting with switching to diet soda (I just knew I was going to hate this but then realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be). I lost 7 pounds, which spurned me on to make other changes.

    I really believe that something in your mind changes and all those things you think you can't live without, just fall away. Of course, not everything or I wouldn't still struggle with my food choices (nachos and French fries are my kryptonite, I tell you!). But I've come a long way. I never thought I'd be able to live without so many things. Yet here I am, avoiding cheese cake, pizza (yes, really!), and flour tortillas (no burritos, whattttt?).

    About 6 months ago, I started running. RUNNING. Me, the person who always said, "if you see me running, you should probably run too. Clearly I'm trying to avoid death because I never run on purpose." Now I'm on the treadmill three to four times a week and miss it when I don't do it. I still struggle to get to the gym on the weekends because, basically I can be super lazy.

    I'm just your average person who struggles daily in this journey. Sometimes I hit my calorie goal, sometimes I'm below, and sometimes I'm so disgusted I avoid tracking a whole meal. Anyone, feel free to add me if you want.
  • Clobern80
    Clobern80 Posts: 716 Member
    Just an update for everyone, a few weeks later.

    I am down 10 pounds (mostly water weight, I know), I don't crave anything, I don't eat just to eat, I stay within my calories, I exercise at least 5 times per day and I am seriously kicking butt.

    Thank you everyone who had kind words. It is amazing how tough it can be but I actually feel that it is going to happen. My life is good, I want to make it better, and the only thing stopping me right now is me. And I won't do it.

    Hope everyone else is doing just as well!