to be brutally honest, have any of you seemed to "lose" frie
willywonka
Posts: 743 Member
Oops I guess my subject line was too long but I was saying, to be honest have any of you seemed to lose friends as you have lost some weight??
I don't know how else to say it but I remember years ago reading that friends (girls in particular) sometimes try to sabotage one another's weight loss efforts.
I have always been the friend to encourage, compliment and support everyone and make them feel good. And when I started trying to lose weight, several of my girl "friends" completely changed towards me. I would like to think that it is not me, sure for the first time in my life I am more confident now but I never went around bragging about anything. If anything I've been eager to help any of them that were trying to lose weight by sharing tips and just being there.
Looking back on it, I question if these women were really ever my friends anyway.
And now they pretty much do not even speak to me. I guess it has shown me that if someone is truly a friend, they would be supportive and happy that you are trying to feel better and healthier.
This is honestly the only place that I feel i can (gasp) talk about losing weight without someone looking at me like I'm riding a broomstick.
I don't know how else to say it but I remember years ago reading that friends (girls in particular) sometimes try to sabotage one another's weight loss efforts.
I have always been the friend to encourage, compliment and support everyone and make them feel good. And when I started trying to lose weight, several of my girl "friends" completely changed towards me. I would like to think that it is not me, sure for the first time in my life I am more confident now but I never went around bragging about anything. If anything I've been eager to help any of them that were trying to lose weight by sharing tips and just being there.
Looking back on it, I question if these women were really ever my friends anyway.
And now they pretty much do not even speak to me. I guess it has shown me that if someone is truly a friend, they would be supportive and happy that you are trying to feel better and healthier.
This is honestly the only place that I feel i can (gasp) talk about losing weight without someone looking at me like I'm riding a broomstick.
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Replies
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Oops I guess my subject line was too long but I was saying, to be honest have any of you seemed to lose friends as you have lost some weight??
I don't know how else to say it but I remember years ago reading that friends (girls in particular) sometimes try to sabotage one another's weight loss efforts.
I have always been the friend to encourage, compliment and support everyone and make them feel good. And when I started trying to lose weight, several of my girl "friends" completely changed towards me. I would like to think that it is not me, sure for the first time in my life I am more confident now but I never went around bragging about anything. If anything I've been eager to help any of them that were trying to lose weight by sharing tips and just being there.
Looking back on it, I question if these women were really ever my friends anyway.
And now they pretty much do not even speak to me. I guess it has shown me that if someone is truly a friend, they would be supportive and happy that you are trying to feel better and healthier.
This is honestly the only place that I feel i can (gasp) talk about losing weight without someone looking at me like I'm riding a broomstick.0 -
I'd say it's not at all uncommon for the people around us - male or female - to envy our success at weight loss. But within a group of female friends, some are likely to feel challenged by an improvement in the appearance of one in the group, because she has become a stronger competitor, primarily for attention from men. Chances are, your friends feel threatened by your confidence, as it makes them feel less attractive next to you.0
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A group of friends and I are working on loosing weight together. Not to mention, all of my friends love me fat or thin.0
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i would you are pry right, they were not your true friends if they are abandoning you now. I have found alot of people are jealous of happy people. As long as you are happy and feel good about yourself. Your ture friends will be happy FOR you. congrats on meeting your goal.:flowerforyou:0
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wow.. this is getting a little scary to me .. that i can connect with so many of you right now.. i always felt no one else goes through what i go throug- no one really understands me .. and now i feel like in a " me- world here " everyone is going through the same stuff ..
I just " lost " my 2 best friends.. one of them has been my friend for more than 8 years.. i feel like going through a divorce b/c her and i were never separated, i couldn't do anything without her, we have shared everything.. hobies, families, weekends, same jobs, we even went to the same class in college, have kids in the same class rooms.. i mean EVERYTHING
and now .. i'm going through the phase- do i really know her ? were we really thrue friends.. i thing my world is somehow falling apart.. i'm questioning everything..
No- i don't blame her.. i have been impossilble lately with my depression etc.. but i thought she would be there if i needed her
no- she was not. she walked away
i'm sorry people if i'm talking to much but.. i'm so broken inside and i guess i came across this place for a reason.. just in the right time
i have an advice for myself and you- let's just God decide and give it time.. it will be what it will be , in the mean time, we just have to take care of ourself.. and the time will show if the friendships were true i think if they were, they will be repaired.. and if they don't .. than.. i guess without the " rought " times we really wouldn't know who our friends really are , wouldn't you agree ?0 -
I can understand where you are coming from. Some of my friends 9especially ones who are heavier than I am) tend to be more negative about me losing weight...while the friends who are smaller than me are more supportive. i think it is more about them being insecure than them trying to hurt you or not caring about you! Sometimes people's insecurities just get in the way...it sucks, but its true!
Congrats on the weight loss!0 -
And that gets back to your question about how to define "friends."
My father always reminds me that most of the people I know, even the ones I see often, are really just acquaintances. Friends are people who have proven that you can trust them, and who support you when they have nothing to gain. Your weight loss should not be a strain on true friendship.
Don't lose heart. A person is lucky to find one true lifelong friend in a lifetime. Hopefully his/her spouse!0 -
Hi Borac, sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time right now.0
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WOW, I thought I was going crazy. I lost 96lbs and my friends. I worked in the ER so I was always surrounded by paramedics, dr.'s , male nurses, police. . . .etc. Everyone always talked to me and came to me for everything . . . as soon as I lost weight, I had lasik eye surgery, and cut my hair for the first time and I am 26!! it was as though I became this giant threat .. . . I made new friends but they were all . . . I never talked to you before because I thought you would be a snob . . .. my older sister and brother rarely talked to me let alone invite me out . . . now they call 2x a day i definately noticed how shallow people can be.
If your friends don't like that you are doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, then shame on them for being so selfish. If they really were true friends they will come around with time. . .
Good Luck and we are here for you!0 -
Most of my friends are thinner than I am so it gives me motivation. However I have that 1 friend that isslightly heavier and doesnt really talk to me because of me trying to lose weight, she thinks that once I start to lose Im going to become a different person and instead of finding out, just chose to shut me out.0
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Not only can you lose friends as you lose weight, but, this much I have learned through life, certain friends are in your life for a certain time span. They come and go. I have seen it time and time again. I don't take it personally, I don't blame them, it simply is life. People and situations change, that's what makes this life so dynamic. Imagine if all stayed the same and we knew what was coming our way.
Don't take it personally. Be happy and content within yourself. (Now if I could just live by that mantra myself it'd be grand!
)
Paula0 -
wow.. this is getting a little scary to me .. that i can connect with so many of you right now.. i always felt no one else goes through what i go throug- no one really understands me .. and now i feel like in a " me- world here " everyone is going through the same stuff ..
I just " lost " my 2 best friends.. one of them has been my friend for more than 8 years.. i feel like going through a divorce b/c her and i were never separated, i couldn't do anything without her, we have shared everything.. hobies, families, weekends, same jobs, we even went to the same class in college, have kids in the same class rooms.. i mean EVERYTHING
and now .. i'm going through the phase- do i really know her ? were we really thrue friends.. i thing my world is somehow falling apart.. i'm questioning everything..
No- i don't blame her.. i have been impossilble lately with my depression etc.. but i thought she would be there if i needed her
no- she was not. she walked away
i'm sorry people if i'm talking to much but.. i'm so broken inside and i guess i came across this place for a reason.. just in the right time
i have an advice for myself and you- let's just God decide and give it time.. it will be what it will be , in the mean time, we just have to take care of ourself.. and the time will show if the friendships were true i think if they were, they will be repaired.. and if they don't .. than.. i guess without the " rought " times we really wouldn't know who our friends really are , wouldn't you agree ?
I have been there.
My best friend wanted a marriage and babies. Her husband left her.
I wanted freedom, but ended up pregnant. Our marriage improved.
After that, she dropped like flat. No warning, but she couldn't deal with the situations. We had been inseparable before. It felt like a divorce for me too. I was heartbroken, and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for months. Finally, the hurt began to fade. I was never angry at her, just sad that I'd lost my dearest friend. It took me over two years to finally get over it. I knew I was over it through a dream I had. My heart had finally been able to move on.
Borac, you will heal too.
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Not only can you lose friends as you lose weight, but, this much I have learned through life, certain friends are in your life for a certain time span. They come and go. I have seen it time and time again. I don't take it personally, I don't blame them, it simply is life. People and situations change, that's what makes this life so dynamic. Imagine if all stayed the same and we knew what was coming our way.
Don't take it personally. Be happy and content within yourself. (Now if I could just live by that mantra myself it'd be grand! )
Paula
Paula, you are spectacular.
I have been learning just this very thing recently. No regrets, no anger, no hurt -- people are there for a season and a reason, and we all move on.0 -
WillyWonka, I have always been the 'big girl', but most of my current friends have been friends through all my different sizes, so it hasn't mattered.
I have noticed one skinny friend starting to look a little worried that I'm getting close to her size. *insert diabolical muahahaha here*
Real friends will tell you they are jealous of your weight loss but keep encouraging you because they are so happy for you they can't contain it. That's just my opinion.0 -
): I've never experienced this at all! The friends smaller then me can be a little annoying with their silly weight loss tips (one friend suggested sexy underwear would assist in weight loss :laugh: ) but my larger friends are good and supportive. They're always happy when I tell them my little successes and encourage me when I have little setbacks.
I don't know what to say except this sounds like a hard situation for you but you'll find new, better friends and you'll know how to spot the more superficial kind of friend since you've had more experience with them.0 -
Misery loves company. Have you watched the show on lifetime called Diet Tribe? It is a prime example of how accepting we are of our own weight issues as long as everyone around us eats just as much or even better we are the smallest fat person at the table.
There is no time in life to waste on people that you don't support or that don't support you! You may lose some friends, you may encourage others, but you have to worry about what you are doing to better yourself and let some go :ohwell:0 -
people arent comfortable with change. the friends who were fat with you dont want u to be the skinny one and them the fat one. also, they may be worried that you'll change. a lot of marriages break up when one partner gets "hot" and leaves, or the other's self esteem suffers.
wow i sound like dr phil....
but anyway....that's my take on it. the new you isn't going to be the you they fell in like with.0 -
Wow. I am so sorry to hear that. But they weren't really friends anyway then.:frown:
If anything, I've gained some of the bestest ,most wonderful friends a person could ever have.
and I met them all here on MFP. 0 -
I'm happy to say that I haven't experienced this. All of my friends and family have been happy, encouraging and supportive. I have noticed a lot of new "friends". I seem to have become more interesting to some people. But, I'm not sure if it's them or me. I'm more confident and therefore more friendly and approachable.
I do have a couple of friends who started out as exercise buddies who have stopped exercising with me. I moved beyond them in terms of fitness and I think they felt a little too competitive. Or they felt that I was too competitive. I can beleive that, I have gotten somewhat competitive with others about level of fitness. I don't care about the weight loss but it's a real point of pride to get more and more fit.
I'm trying not to become obnoxious about it but I'm truely enjoying finding out what I'm physically capable of doing.....and am making a lot of new friends as well who are pushing me in the fitness arena.0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this, but it made me remember a comment a friend made to me not too long ago....
We were at a meeting, and during a break, while everyone else was munching on snacks, we were outside talking, so she could have a smoke. I told her how good she was looking, and mentioned that I needed to get back on track with my weight loss plans.
She looked at me, and said "all you have to do is watch what you put in your mouth" :noway:
I was speechless, because she had had bariatric surgery 6 months earlier, in order to lose the weight, because she couldn't lose it any other way. All the times I've lost weight I've done it through exercise and watching what I eat.
Kind of peeved me off, for her to say that, but she's still my friend. An insensitive one, but a friend nonetheless....0 -
We were at a meeting, and during a break, while everyone else was munching on snacks, we were outside talking, so she could have a smoke. I told her how good she was looking, and mentioned that I needed to get back on track with my weight loss plans.
She looked at me, and said "all you have to do is watch what you put in your mouth" :noway:
Well, if you put cigarettes in your mouth instead of snacks, that is one way. :laugh:0 -
I'm trying not to become obnoxious about it but I'm truely enjoying finding out what I'm physically capable of doing.....and am making a lot of new friends as well who are pushing me in the fitness arena.
Good for you!0
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