Getting my body and life back on track after my stillbirth

Fandabidozichu
Fandabidozichu Posts: 4 Member
edited November 27 in Motivation and Support
I'm sorry this isn't positive in any way and is quite upsetting.

My husband and I welcomed a sleeping baby boy, James, into the world 11th December 2015. I'm left with a jelly belly and deflated breasts as the milk that would never feed my son finally begins to stop, as well as empty arms.

My goal is to heal, I struggle to eat right now so I'm working on that and I want to tone up and generally use exercise as a way to focus my grief and emotions.

James was born 9 days ago and I'm only 3lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight at 180lbs 5ft 10"

Replies

  • Sweepypie
    Sweepypie Posts: 161 Member
    I know what you are going through! I too had a stillbirth in 1965! It took me a while to get over it! Didn't have all the help that you get nowadays. It will get easier I promise! I had a little girl. Now I have 4 grownup children, 25 grandchildren and 15 great grandchildren. My thoughts are with you!
  • Fandabidozichu
    Fandabidozichu Posts: 4 Member
    Thanks, honestly I don't think I'm quite ready for long gym sessions like I thought I was. Emotionally or physically. All I could think about was punishing my "baby killing body" which isn't healthy at all. I could barely manage 15 minutes before I retired to the changing room to sob. I'm sorry you know this pain too and thanks for replying. I feel so alone in the circle of people I have on MFP. No one wants to reply or talk to the lady who's baby just died.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Big hugs across the net.
  • hookahbinx
    hookahbinx Posts: 74 Member
    I'm so sorry :(
    Feel free to add me. I'm here for fitness support or if you just need a friend to talk to.
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    Oh I am so sorry. This will take time. And your 'empty arms' will ache as you process this loss. It sounds like you are getting yourself on a path to a healthy physical recovery. Bravo! Be very patient & gentle with your heart though. It will forge its own pace. It may feel too raw and new yet but hospice offers some wonderful resources for this type of loss in our community. Maybe check in with your local branch... Big hug to you. xoL
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    Grief scares people. They scuttle away. It's them; it's not you. You will find your tribe with open hearts who aren't afraid...
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    Also: your mind is unsettled. Grief is distorting. After I did hospice for my mother with pancreatic cancer I was convinced I had made an error that killed her. It was not rational, but surprisingly common I learned later.
  • ShrinkingKerrie
    ShrinkingKerrie Posts: 338 Member
    I'm so sorry you lost your son.
    I know you probably need something to focus on right now but just go easy on yourself OK,you've been through a lot physically and mentally and you need to recover x
  • mkakids
    mkakids Posts: 1,913 Member
    Im so sorry for your loss. My daughter, Julia, was born sleeping in 2013.

    Take care of yourself emotionally right now. Work on the rest later.

    It never goes away...but it does get easier.
  • Expatmommy79
    Expatmommy79 Posts: 940 Member
    I'm so sorry. Please make sure you look after yourself first emotionally. The rest will follow.

    Make sure you find support in real life, with your partner, through a grief support group, church etc. online, you may find a lot of support on baby center on their grief and loss board.

    I'm so very sorry again for your loss.
  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,912 Member
    Expatmommy79 wrote: »
    I'm so sorry. Please make sure you look after yourself first emotionally. The rest will follow.

    Make sure you find support in real life, with your partner, through a grief support group, church etc. online, you may find a lot of support on baby center on their grief and loss board.

    I'm so very sorry again for your loss.

    ^^^^ I could not have said it better. I'm so sorry about James . . . I am sending special prayers and hugs your way to hopefully help you heal.
  • suzan06
    suzan06 Posts: 218 Member
    Babe, you are only 9 days postpartum! You get 6 weeks medical leave after birth for a reason! Its for your lady bits to heal, not just because of the baby. Please be easy on yourself- the last thing you want to do is create lasting damage to your reproductive organs.

    I've never had a loss personally, but my sympathy goes out to you. You are far from alone- there are online and in person groups that you can connect with. But in terms of your health- just rest for now, and at most go for a few easy walks. Meanwhile ask family and friends for help with housework, packing up baby things, etc. They will be happy to help if you give them a specific task!
  • chey282
    chey282 Posts: 96 Member
    Hugs, I had a miscarriage, and know the empty arms feeling all too well. Give yourself time to heal, physically,mentally and emotionally. And yes, definitely ask for help, it will make it all a lot easier. I was set to adopt an infant and the mother changed her mind at the last second, I couldn't even look at anything we had bought to prepare. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!
    More hugs!!!!
  • SLE0803
    SLE0803 Posts: 145 Member
    (((((((Hugs)))))). I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you.

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. You need time to heal both physically and emotionally. I would recommend finding a support group. There are more than you think out there.

    2 Corinthians 1:5 “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”
    Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
  • 2009ronin
    2009ronin Posts: 15 Member
    My first son was born sleeping in February 2009. You need to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I totally get why you feel the way you do about your body as it is a reminder that you have no baby.
    James will never be forgotten but do allow yourself time to grieve and get support where you can. SANDs was wonderful in supporting me with my sons death. If you want to PM or just add me as a friend that's fine.
    Big hugs to you
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Im so sorry for your loss..
  • DM01234
    DM01234 Posts: 317 Member
    My heart breaks for you... truly... I can't imagine what you are going through emotionally and physically. Caring for yourself in every way is of the utmost priority. Only you can define what that means. Please feel free to add me as a friend if you so wish.
  • JenPass1977
    JenPass1977 Posts: 89 Member
    Hi there, I also had a daughter who was stillborn at 34 weeks weighing 4 lbs. my experience was 4 years ago and it took me a long time to function 'normally' again. This is very early to be thinking about weight loss, your emotions must be so raw right now. I never know what to say to other ladies who have gone through this other than take it one day at a time and be gentle on yourself. You will have 'good' days and bloody awful days over the next few months and my heart truly goes out to you. Please feel free to add/message me if you need to talk. What is your baby's name? Xx
  • JenPass1977
    JenPass1977 Posts: 89 Member
    Sorry, just realised your post says that you son's name is James, same as my eldest a middle name, it's lovely x
  • forbiddendonut
    forbiddendonut Posts: 60 Member
    I'm so sorry. :( I had a miscarriage earlier this year, and gained 15lbs due to depression from the experience. I'm still struggling, and still trying to get rid of that excess weight. It's so tough when you have a lot going on emotionally. Just know that you aren't alone. ❤️
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