How do you deal with others negativity?
Seeyoubabyweight
Posts: 49 Member
After a year of HARD work I have changed my body. Scale wise I've dropped roughly 25lbs, but I've spent the last months focusing more on reshaping my muscle and have had decent success.
When I first started losing weight I had the typical 'good job', 'looking good' etc. comments. Now however I am getting frustrated with how my friends moods have changed.
Now when I get together I hear "oh shopping the itty bitty clothes now", "oh aren't you miss motivated" both with a lovely sarcastic tone. Or I get the "well I can never work as hard... eat like...be as focused...as you are".
These are people who have known me well over 10 years. They have seen me struggle like them to get my weight under control. They've been around through numerous diet programs that worked for minimal time before I climbed back up scale wise.
Point being is they've known me and they know it has not been an easy task to take this on. However I have done it. I committed (after dozens of failed attempts) and accomplished what I finally wanted. I've changed my lifestyle and it is working for me.
I don't expect a "good job" every time I see them, heck I don't care if they don't mention things at all...but I am tired of having my accomplishments thrown at me in a negative way.
What do others say in these situations? Normally I just shrug it off, but I'm hearing it so much right now I'm getting frustrated.
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Replies
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First off...Congrats! You are transforming yourself. Many of us that have done or continue to do so, run into these situations. So first off...it's normal. I have found that it runs in stages. First it's why are you doing it? Are you losing weight because you are sick? Then you get the comments from people that haven't seen you for a while. Then close friends notice and family members. Then as you progress to lose weight and look "healthy", you start getting the: how did you do it? And then it empowers you to do even MORE. Then the compliments start rolling in...both from friends and strangers. Sounds like you are at the stage where people are starting to get intimated by your change...they know you have the willpower and are basically kicking butt. In a round about way, it's a compliment. Use this opportunity to double down, because you are truly starting to transform. And when you do, you will be able to do more than you ever thought possible. You will feel great. Your confidence will soar. And these negative people's comments will melt away, as they know there is no stopping you now.0
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Their words are a reflection of where they're at within themselves (but you don't need to tell them that). Keep shrugging it off and don't let it get to you. You don't have to defend yourself for looking after you. You may have felt as badly about yourself when you failed in the past, so keeping that in mind may bring out your compassion toward them. It will pass. Misery loves company so they may very well find something or someone else to criticize.0
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I wouldn't deal with it. I'd surround myself with new friends. However, if you do want to keep them around, have a chat with them and explain exactly what you're explaining to us. Ask them if your change is making them uncomfortable and what you can do together to patch things up. Thing is, you've changed and it doesn't look like they have and some people have issues with that. However you don't owe anyone an explanation and 'friends' who put you down aren't worth keeping.0
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Haters gunna hate and ain'ters guna ain't. They hate us cuz they ain't us
All seriousness. I use negativity as fuel. Just makes me push even harder.
I pack my lunch for work instead of eating out like the other guys...
I'd always get the "ohhhhh look at you eating all healthy!" "Nice lunch man"
I just say. "Yeah that why I look like this and you look like that." Shuts them up.0 -
I would have a conversation with them about it. If they've been your friends for 10 years, you can do this. An honest conversation where you ask, what's up with these comments and let them know that it's been a struggle and that their sarcasm is hurtful. If they are good friends they'll listen and apologise and not be such twats in the future again.0
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Their words are a reflection of where they're at within themselves (but you don't need to tell them that). Keep shrugging it off and don't let it get to you. You don't have to defend yourself for looking after you. You may have felt as badly about yourself when you failed in the past, so keeping that in mind may bring out your compassion toward them. It will pass. Misery loves company so they may very well find something or someone else to criticize.
Pretty much the same as what I was going to say :-)0 -
I would have a conversation with them about it. If they've been your friends for 10 years, you can do this. An honest conversation where you ask, what's up with these comments and let them know that it's been a struggle and that their sarcasm is hurtful. If they are good friends they'll listen and apologise and not be such twats in the future again.
This did make me chuckle but @oolou is 100% right. Talk to your friends! They may not even realise they are doing it! Get it out in the open or else your weight/size etc will STILL be an issue but for a different reason and that is just negative and unhealthy!
By the way, well done!!
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It's their problem and they feel threatened. I'd just ignore it.0
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I call them out on it. I remind them that I have been working hard for 3 years to get healthy and that I would appreciate their support because they mean so much to me. If that doesn't work, I distance myself from them.0
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Talk to them individually. Most of them will come round.
They do not want to change but they can become ok with your changes.
Also they are probably not used to seeing your new look yet. Be patient with them. If some of them drop off your friends list, be ok with that.
Good job on your accomplishments by the way.
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Seeyoubabyweight wrote: »After a year of HARD work I have changed my body. Scale wise I've dropped roughly 25lbs, but I've spent the last months focusing more on reshaping my muscle and have had decent success.
When I first started losing weight I had the typical 'good job', 'looking good' etc. comments. Now however I am getting frustrated with how my friends moods have changed.
Now when I get together I hear "oh shopping the itty bitty clothes now", "oh aren't you miss motivated" both with a lovely sarcastic tone. Or I get the "well I can never work as hard... eat like...be as focused...as you are".
These are people who have known me well over 10 years. They have seen me struggle like them to get my weight under control. They've been around through numerous diet programs that worked for minimal time before I climbed back up scale wise.
Point being is they've known me and they know it has not been an easy task to take this on. However I have done it. I committed (after dozens of failed attempts) and accomplished what I finally wanted. I've changed my lifestyle and it is working for me.
I don't expect a "good job" every time I see them, heck I don't care if they don't mention things at all...but I am tired of having my accomplishments thrown at me in a negative way.
What do others say in these situations? Normally I just shrug it off, but I'm hearing it so much right now I'm getting frustrated.
Jealousy, keep going and let them wollow in their own petty, you're doing great (Y)0 -
Their words are a reflection of where they're at within themselves (but you don't need to tell them that). Keep shrugging it off and don't let it get to you. You don't have to defend yourself for looking after you. You may have felt as badly about yourself when you failed in the past, so keeping that in mind may bring out your compassion toward them. It will pass. Misery loves company so they may very well find something or someone else to criticize.
+1
For one friend in particular, who is really down on herself (despite the fact that she has some totally rational reasons for not diving headfirst into a lifestyle change, like a 70 hour workweek, huge care-taking responsibilities, and a few other things besides), I make a point of recognizing that she actually does have some barriers, that I'm confident that she'll do if/when when she's ready, and that she's great as she is.
Because it was much easier for me than it would be for her right now. I had normal work hours and a gym 5 minutes from my place, and was in the right headspace.
I think many people who are ready happen into a window for change, where they just find themselves more motivated - like a breakup, or a move to a new city, or a wedding coming up, even getting scary health news, that can put a fire under you.
So I was in one of those windows, had time to work out and plan meals at my leisure, no huge obligations. (I know that some who do have huge obligations manage, and that's awesome. But I can't judge someone if they're not there, I wasn't for a long time.)
Also: I just avoid talking about food, fitness, body image, clothes, shopping, or anything that seems to get a defensive or touchy response. There's other stuff to talk about, no loss.0 -
Oh... I don't react well to sarcasm. I transform myself into SarcasmHulk. And if my friends, or anyone for that matter, ever says anything like this to me, they'll be getting it back. Painfully.0
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U c that's what is wrong with this world people became insanely superficial like for example when someone loses weights or builds muscle , tones up , becomes successful etcc all of a sudden people change toward him 360 d , I mean for god sake the only thing that changed is his , her look , job , status etc why become more nice , friendly wih someone just because for example his looks changed u speak with the personality not the abs and curved butts and it can be in a positive or negative way like in ur case people are praising you in a I wana bring her down or I envy her way , unfortunately this will never change not in this generation I believe it's just how the world has become thanks to lot of factors like magazines , social media etc but anyways best way to deal with it is to just take this as a test for the people in ur life those who treat u the exact same when u change are the keepers those who change in any way yes positive or negative are the ones u should leave behind in my opinion0
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I would just strut around looking fabulous and knowing it
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My two cents. Could you be taking there words the wrong way.0
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Their nehlgativity turns into my strength abd determunation.0
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Best response: Hey you guys want to get some ice cream?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I sneak in their house and crap on their pillow.0
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Firstly, well done you!
When I first started my lifestyle change, a lot if my friends laughed at me (tbh, I was a big drinker and an even bigger junk food fan) and they all pretty much told me I'd never stick at it. So I did it and proved them all wrong, now we hardly speak and I have new friends! It upsets me that they thought I was so weak, when I see my old fiends now, they don't even say 'you look well' even though I've actually lost nearly 7st! I was always the 'fat friend' and all of my old friends were pretty little things... I made them look even better. Its taken me a while to realise it but now it's a different story and I actually look half decent ;P
Bottom line is, I believe they are jealous and also gutted that you've done something they can't be arsed to do! You've done amazingly and use their comments to spur you on! Reply with 'Yep, it's much easier to find my size clothes now
' and 'yep well everyone has that moment where the motivation clicks into place' because it's true.
Be proud of what you've achieved, not everyone has that strength and sometimes it takes another person's achievements to make them realise that they can do it too0 -
I offered my own tips for successful weight-loss/ new lifestyle for fitness when my family and friends said something like that to me. I dragged them to gym with me and tried whatever I could to make them believe that "they can also do it." But when nothing worked & they recognized their own problems (can't give up on their "blooming appetite," no motivation for workouts, etc.), they stopped acting like that.
I'd think they have no bad intention but just want to know if such human being (who has strong will to stick to the plan and has succeeded) really exists in their lives, and they'd feel shameful for teasing us when they realize how much effort we've put and how weak their willpower is.0 -
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Congratulations on your success!
If my friends get this way, just remember that you're probably a lot more satisfied with yourself then they are, and their comments are probably stem from jealousy and not apathy towards your success.
One thing to consider, if they aren't being supportive, are they really friends?0 -
I hear you...I turn down the gang at work twice a week for lunch. I know it makes them crazy and they've said a few times, you never go, you're unit social...etc.etc..
I told one person, 'I really want to thank you for always extending the invite, I know I don't go with you guys but I will, it's just right now I'm so driven to get healthier' and then 'thanks for understanding'
it seems to always work and they end up giving a compliment right after0 -
First of all Way to go!! You should be proud of yourself of what you have accomplished. Remember if those people are smack talking let them. Their big mouths are just jealous of what you have done and what you have decided to take control over. Your life and health. We all deal with them, but remember to keep those who are positive and supportive of you around because those are the ones you will lean on more than anything. I've not had to deal with a lot of people who are nasty or mean (putting me down) at all because I've got a pretty good support system from my family, friends, church family and my employees. Just take a deep breath and keep doing what is right for you.0
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Way to go, you should be proud of yourself!0
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