67 Lbs Lost! How My Fitness Pal Has Helped Me Change My Life

godlikepoetyes wrote: »

More like, bathing dresses! But I will put on my suit and go in now. I won't prance on any beaches, but I finally got the memo that life is not a beauty contest. That has taken me all of my life. It all takes all of our lives I suppose. The biggest thing for me is not pressure myself. I ate lots of lemon cake today. Then I ate lots of the sticky icing off the lemon cake. It was very good lemon cake.

godlikepoetyes wrote: »

To Everyone Who's In This With Me--

I started My Fitness Pal on March 13, 2015. When I began the program, I had to admit to myself, for the first time really, that I am a person who must record everything she eats for the rest of her life. My weight loss and my weight management program/food plan will always be one of vigilance. Because I have always had difficulties with eating.

I am not a self-regulator. I am a face stuffer. I am not an avid exerciser, though I have gone through periods in my life when I have exercised strenuously. I have never been able to “discipline” myself, though I began making my first schedule/chart/daily plan when I was in high school. I have never finally “become” a person who just gets it, just understands what it is to be full, to be satisfied, to have a “healthy” relationship with food. And, yes, I’ve been to therapy. And, yes, I am very educated about what one “must” do to lose weight and be “healthy.”

But now I realize, FINALLY, that if I continue to concentrate on doing things properly and doing things perfectly and doing the things THEY say will make me fit and trim and happy and live longer and better blah blah blah, I will never be happy about what I eat and I will never relax and allow myself to lose weight.

I realize now, and accept, that I am a person who must record every bite of food that goes into her mouth for the rest of her life. And this has begun to set me free from my “games” with the scale—if I move it over here? If I weigh after I poop? After I pee?” My guilt over the food—you shouldn’t eat that. It’s very bad for you. You shouldn’t eat that. It’s high in sugar. It’s low in fiber. It’s terribly fatty. Only really FAT people eat those things, those jelly-filled, cream-filled, melt-in-your-mouth marvelous things. (I must eat them in the car on the way home, quickly.)

And all the other “shoulds” about food and exercise! Eat it. It’s full of fiber. Eat that. It’s better than the canned stuff. Eat that. It’s cleaner it’s organic it’s low-calorie. Go lift weights. Go run. Go walk really fast. Go on. Get up. Give me twenty-five. Give me fifty. On and on and on. What I should do. What I ought to do. It was never really about what I WANTED to do.

In March, when I began this food program, I was morbidly obese. I was fat. I was breathless. I was sweaty. But I did not hate myself. I had learned in therapy to love myself at any weight, to see the beauty in myself at any size. And perhaps that is the biggest hurtle of all. To go out into the garage and hammer your scales to pieces. Maybe we all need to wrestle our self hatred into the ground. And if you, like me, grew up measuring your body, scrutinizing your curves, the itty bits of fat around your eleven-year-old middle, then maybe you should go to therapy. I cannot say what may be right for you. I can say, however, that not hating myself, not shaming myself, resisting that “you are so fat you are so gross you are so ugly fat fat fatty two by four” voice in my head, has made a real difference.

In 2013, I had a few sessions with a nutritionist. She set my mind at ease. You know what? It’s OKAY to eat canned fruit. It’s okay to eat canned green beans. It’s okay to buy everything pre-cut and pre-chopped and pre-washed. Do not feel bad about short cuts. Do not feel bad. Stop it!

And I saw a food therapist. It only took one intense session—“You need to grow up. You are not a little girl anymore.” It took me a year to really listen to what he said, but in the end, the session changed me. His words helped me to realize that just because the spoiled brat in my belly still wants to eat ALL the cookies, I don’t have to give them to her.

My Fitness Pal is working. I eat what I want. I record it. I get up the next day and I eat what I want. And I record it. I weigh on Saturday mornings and I record it. I record everything I eat. Sometimes I record my movement, too. But no matter what, I record what I eat, every single thing I eat.

Does this upset me? Has then been horribly difficult? No. Have I given up after 18 pounds the way I always did with Weight Watchers? No. I have not. Because My Fitness Pal performs a little miracle for me every single day. It regulates me. The hall monitor pops up and says, “If every day were like today….” This little message, this little bit of accountability, has made the biggest difference of all. It is the mirror My Fitness Pal holds up for me every day. And I must look into it. Otherwise, I’m just fooling myself. Otherwise, I’ll start playing games with the scale. I’ll start goofing around and think that the simple formula, the ONLY proven way to lose weight, doesn’t apply to me. You know this formula. We all do. It is this simple formula that we fight against—Calories In = Calories Out.

There is no magic. No magic food. No magic pill. No “proper” time to eat. No miracle cleanse. No plastic wrap spa treatment that will shrink you. There are surgeries, but I know myself well enough to know that even if they shrank my stomach, I would just keep eating. I would stuff all the cream filling I could into my tiny little nut of a stomach. I have a friend who does this. She hardly eats anything. But she eats all day long, all day she stuffs food into her tiny, tiny stomach.

I have lost almost 70 pounds. I think I’d like to lose 35 more. But I may not. I will lose a bit more and see how I feel. I will see how I FEEL. Because that’s what really matters. And I FEEL AMAZING. I feel better than I have in a long, long time.

It feels marvelous to let myself, “allow” myself, to just go on and eat that apple fritter. To just go on and eat that bacon cheeseburger and fries. Just go on and eat what you want. It will be okay. Because at the end of the day, My Fitness Pal will be there to remind you, to keep you on track. If every day were like this one. It every day were like this.

So far, this is all I’ve needed.

--Rebecca