need help

I think I need to reevaluate what it means to me to lose weight and how realistic I am being about the process. I’ve been using MFP for a while now. Over a year. Not consistently, until probably the last few weeks. As the New Year approached, I knew I wanted to make changes. I log everything I eat, even when I know it’s not going to look good in my food diary. I use my iPhone to measure steps taken. I don’t always carry my phone with me, however, so I know that I’m not getting ‘credit’ for every step taken during a day. I just moved in with my SO in his house. He is not a very motivated person. Although he talks about losing weight and/or being more active we don’t follow that up with any action. His neighborhood isn’t good, so I’m hesitant about walking outside and there is absolutely no room in this tiny little house for a treadmill. I get up about 6am and have to be at work by 7. We have a cat that is quite loud in the morning if he knows someone is up and he’s not being fed or attended. My SO doesn’t have to get up until well after I’ve already left the house. Getting up in the morning to exercise or even fix breakfast is not an option as I would be disturbing him. Add to all that I am a very picky eater and I feel doomed. The fruits and vegetables that I like are limited. There are many things that I don’t eat: oatmeal, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, tofu, beans, legumes etc. I have had food issues since I was a teenager. I grew up in the north east, in a very small town. My family wasn’t particularly ‘adventurous’ or even very health conscience with meal planning. As a teenager I became bulimic for many years. When I was 20 years old, I weighed 98 lbs at 4 months pregnant. Now as an adult, I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction and have become obese. There were many years of my life starting at about 16 years old or so until I was about 40 ish where I didn’t feel very good about myself. I would either use food as a reward for losing a few pounds or a justification to validate my unworthiness (I’m already fat and ugly so what difference will having McDonald’s for lunch and dinner make anyway??). My job requires me to sit at a desk for 10 hours a day and there are no good options for healthy lunches in the area where I work.
Having said all that, I know it’s all just excuses. I know that I and I alone am responsible for the choices that I make. I know that I am the only one who is going to turn this around. I need the accountability of my friends here on MFP and in my day to day life to keep me focused and on the right track. I need the little nudges and advice of people who are also on the journey. Help me. My cry is real and my struggle is real. I know my goal is attainable but there are days when I am so discouraged and disheartened that I doubt my ability. The old voices of my past whisper in my ear telling me I can’t do it.
I am looking into getting a FitBit or other activity tracker and a food scale to more accurately account for calories and activity. I have a gym membership, I just need a nudge to not allow all the healthy fit people in there to intimidate me into not using it. I have outlines of food plans and meal prepping that should help me be prepared for difficult days. I have all the tools, I just need help in getting my mind to the right place. Because I truly want to be a HEALTHYNEWME.