Constantly on a diet

I am a 59 year old woman that has lived the last 35 years off and on diets. I frustrate myself, hate myself, disgust myself. Sometimes....then others? I'm proud of myself, love myself, love the way I look. I was very thin growing up. I'm not tall, 5'4. So when that extra weight started piling on in my mid 20's all I had to do was say oh I need to lose 10 pounds and I could in a week. No problem. Then I had kids in my late 30's, early 40's. Then I went through early menopause. All during those times though if I gained some weight I could very easily take it off. Issue was the maintaining of that weight loss. So frustrating and so hard. Then one day about 6 years ago, my husband and I said 'enough'.....we did the Micheal Thurmond 6 week body makeover. I ended up losing a total of 75 pounds in about 10 months. I loved how I felt, looked, how I looked in clothes everything about it. I learned how to cook differently, I learned to love to exercise again. Everything about it was great. Honestly we only lasted about 3 weeks on the 6 week body makeover. I would only suggest that if you want to lose some weight really fast. Now that I look back I felt like it was near starvation. We started eating more of a diabetic diet and that's what really worked for us. I had a heart attack about 6 months into that weight loss journey. I had lost the rest of the weight after my heart attack. I even had some tell me I had gotten too thin!
Once I could start exercising again after my heart attack, I did and I did every day. Never missed a beat. I kept that weight off for 3 years. Then it went downhill and I've been struggling for the last 2 years. As of today, I've gained back 65 pounds of the 75 that I lost. It went downhill because I found out I had an allergy to a medication they had put me on which caused muscle damage in my legs. I couldn't exercise any longer like before. I became depressed. Then some money issues hit us very hard, I became even more depressed. I'm off the medication and have been for about 8 months and my legs are definitely stronger and I can exercise again. When I woke up today, I cried because I've let this happen to me again. I've lost my motivation for some reason. I have boxes of clothes that I can't wear that I'll look through and cry the entire time but it doesn't seem to make me want to change. What does it take? I get frustrated with the eat fresh fruit, don't eat fresh fruit too much sugar. Eat dairy, don't eat dairy. Eat lean protein, don't eat protein. I've tried that kick again to get me going and I can't last 3 days. I get so hungry and just lose my motivation. I guess I just need a kick in the butt. Someone to push me. I know there are so many others going through the same thing I am.