Share Your Favorite Joke

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jennifer_417
jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've caught whatever plague is going around in my part of the country this week. Take my mind off how terrible I feel by sharing your fave joke! I'm not the boss of yous guyz, but I'd like to request we keep it clean!

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  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Or, you know, don't...*pouts*
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    It's not my favourite but it is the one that popped in my head...

    What did the old pirate say on his birthday? Aye Matey
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    And the lord said unto John "Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life". But John was too slow. He came fifth and won a toaster instead.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    just_silk wrote: »
    And the lord said unto John "Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life". But John was too slow. He came fifth and won a toaster instead.

    Lol!
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    You realise all I will be able to think of all day now is new jokes?
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    I joined a gym and the instructor asked me what I wanted to get out of it all.
    I want to be able to do the splits I told him.
    Well how flexible are you? He asked.
    I can't make Tuesday's but the rest of the week should be fine.
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
  • fat2fitaddict
    fat2fitaddict Posts: 90 Member
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    I got the urge to get up and clean the house this morning but I laid down until that urge passed..uggh...close one!
  • fat2fitaddict
    fat2fitaddict Posts: 90 Member
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    How do you keep a thief from hanging around the front of your house? Hang him in the back..
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    just_silk wrote: »
    You realise all I will be able to think of all day now is new jokes?

    Yay!
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
    edited January 2016
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    A man walks into a bar and demands something cold and full of vodka. The barman handed over his wife.
  • just_silk
    just_silk Posts: 105 Member
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    What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers.
  • ellejay1214
    ellejay1214 Posts: 42 Member
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    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day!
  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
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    just_silk wrote: »
    I joined a gym and the instructor asked me what I wanted to get out of it all.
    I want to be able to do the splits I told him.
    Well how flexible are you? He asked.
    I can't make Tuesday's but the rest of the week should be fine.

    Wow! That's great !

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