Personal Responsibility - No More Excuses

I've had a couple of revelations about my own eating psychology which have made my attempt to change much more effective than it has been in the past, so I thought I'd share in case it helps others.

"If you want it, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find excuses."

My lazy brain is a master at coming up with excuses for why I should go the easy path and stick with previous habits of overeating. I was accepting all sorts of reasons as excuses for why I couldn’t stick to my calorie goal – I’m going to a restaurant, I’m seeing my boyfriend, I’m travelling. What I’ve realized that if I’m committed and accepting responsibility, I will find a way to stick to my goals no matter what. Even when my brain is trying to find excuses not to do what it knows it should, I can make a decision to do it anyway. And then the more I do that, it becomes a habit and is easier and easier. It is 100% my decision and my responsibility to do it or not do it. Losing and maintaining weight has to be my priority, and other priorities have to find a way to fit into that. What that means for me is that if I'm going to lunch with my boss at a restaurant (like I am today), that's not an excuse just to write off the day and eat anything I want - instead I need to do my best to plan and stick to a calorie goal. It's more difficult than my normal day, but that's no excuse. I need to do the work.

I’ve come to accept that I am a compulsive overeater - and probably meet the diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder. I have a strong habit of (addiction to?) the eating behavior of eating past fullness or eating when not hungry. Occasionally I binge, though not often enough to qualify for BED. I’ve managed my disordered eating habits by being active (I’ve been a jogger for twenty years) and eating a healthy diet (lots of low energy density fruits and vegetables). As a result, I’ve maintained weight at the high end of the normal weight range … until recently, when I’ve slipped into overweight. I used to think that planning and tracking food was dysfunctional behavior that I should not have to do because "normal eaters" don't. I’ve come to realize that I slide into disordered eating when I don’t actively plan and manage what I eat. When I give up any attempt to manage what I eat, I find myself compulsively overeating – even occasionally binging – more and more. That's what happened to me over the last three months. Planning and tracking my food is important for weight loss and for my physical health – but it's also important to support my mental health and to deal with a borderline eating disorder. I may ALWAYS have to plan and track, for my physical and mental health, and that is ok. Taking responsibility for my health and my tendencies means putting in the work to actively manage what I eat.