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ArmstrongSabrina
ArmstrongSabrina Posts: 38 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have known my bf since we were kids (13/14yrs old) and we've been together(17/18yrs old) for going on 8yrs now and we are very comfortable around each other with everything EXCEPT working out together. He has no problem with it but I do. He has always and I mean ALWAYS had a great fit body. I've always been thin and fit until I had our daughter 5yrs ago and I just can NOT get rid of this baby pooch. He is always trying to get us to work out together but I can't let my stupid insecurities go. Also, whenever I do cave in and do mini workouts with him, I can never keep up.I feel embarrassed and disgusting being next to him. He NEVER makes me feel that way. He's always been supportive of me. Has anyone had this problem? How do you work through it? I feel in my heart it would be fun to workout together because he is trying to get back in shape to tone up, but my MIND is being blocked by the negative thoughts going around my brain. Am I just being crazy?

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  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    If you don't feel comfortable working out with him then find time to work out on your own.

    Also, I don't know why you're comparing yourself to him. You guys have different fitness levels, muscles and calorie requirements.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
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    I hear you about the baby weight and leftover pooch, as well as the insecurities but I'm actually on the opposite side of it . I really got back into health and fitness almost 2 years ago when my youngest finally started sleeping through the night. While I started getting more fit and healthy my man changed positions at work and was stuck much more sedentary and he ended up putting on some weight. Over the last year he's gone back and forth between wanting to lose weight and get fit again (he used to be an avid skateboarder with abs of steel, now he's a suit stuck behind a desk) and now he's finally gotten serious about it. How ever he has no interest in working out with me and it sounds like for many of the same reasons you mention.

    At first it hurt my feelings that he didn't want to work at it together, a joint hobby I guess but I came to grips with it being more about him not feeling comfortable for his own reasons, nothing to do with me. My suggestion would be to be honest with him about how you feel, let him know that you are interested in working out and being fit but that if you were to do it by yourself you'll get more out of it and be able to put the kind of effort in that you can't when you're feeling self conscious. You guys have known each other a long time and you're still with him so I'm guessing he must be a nice guy. I'm guessing he'll understand where you're coming from and once you gain some exercise confidence (not just about how you look, but how your body performs) maybe you can try to work out again in the future.
  • spickard34
    spickard34 Posts: 303 Member
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    I would love my husband to workout with me. He is really in shape and thinner then me. He does not workout to be in shape his job does it. I wish he would workout with me I think it would be fun. I can see where you are coming from I sometimes feel huge around him even though I'm not. I read this thing awhile ago where a girl said she sucked in her tummy every time he was around never knew she did it until she noticed one day. I am guilty of this too. So now I say F it he loves me for me married me at my heaviest 30 lbs ago. I think that you should just try to get over it and of course he will be a bit better at certain things you probably don't have the same fitness level.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    My husband and I work out together. I had been working out alone for a long time and he wanted to get on board. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want my routine to get screwed up, but it has worked out for us; we complement each other. It also allows us time alone together.

    It sounds like he loves you and genuinely wants to do this together, but he should also be considerate of your current fitness level. Talk it out and tell him how you feel.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Some days workout with him and some days do your workout by yourself.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
    edited January 2016
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    I would start by not comparing myself to the opposite sex...or someone who has been training a particular discipline over time while you haven't.
  • terricrymes
    terricrymes Posts: 2 Member
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    I can't relate to having a baby but I have always been insecure about my weight even when I was what is now my goal weight. My fiance and I CANNOT work out together. For some reason it causes a fight every time. When it comes to running I can't keep up with him. I completely relate to your feelings when you try to keep up with him and can't. And then I get mad at him because he knows I can't keep up with him and he gets irritated...it's a mess. lol

    I think it's amazing that you guys can work out together and I really agree with RodaRose. Maybe try mixing it up where if you're going to work out three times a week you do two on your own and one with him. Then maybe, after a while two with him and one on your own and eventually three times a week with him. I think working out on your own and building up your strength will help you build some confidence for when you do your workouts with him.

    Good Luck!
  • sheermomentum
    sheermomentum Posts: 827 Member
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    Are you comparing yourself to him, or are you comparing your body to the body that you had before the baby?

    Pregnancy and childbirth (and parenting) change you. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it can become a bad thing if you try to hold onto the past. Your little pooch is a reminder of that adorable little parasite that took up residence in there for 9 months. You may be able to diet and exercise it away. You may not. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't work toward being the best version of yourself that you can be at THIS moment. If you prefer to work out alone, there's nothing wrong with that. It could be a time to focus entirely on yourself without any distractions. But if you want to work out with him, try not to compete with anyone except yourself, in this moment. It sounds like you could be helping him out by giving him some inspiration and the support of a workout partner! Plus, how great would it be if your daughter grew up watching both of her parents exercise together?
  • shilshilshil
    shilshilshil Posts: 25 Member
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    My boyfriend and I have started running together in the past few months, but before that I was totally self-conscious and nervous about working out with him. Three things have helped:
    1) I was honest with him about how I felt - e.g. "I feel pressure to keep up with you, and I can't, and I find that frustrating" or "sometimes when you push me, and I'm really tired, I want to destroy you". I think this helped him understand why I was turning him down, and also what kind of support I wanted (not the pushy tough-love kind!).
    2) We don't work out together all the time, maybe just once a week. This means I get to do intervals and other nerdy workouts by myself, just like I want. And the runs that we do together are kind of a bonus for him, rather than completely replacing his other workouts, so he doesn't mind if they're a little light or he's not totally exhausted by them.
    3) When I started letting him run with me, I was really clear that he'd be doing my workout, and not the other way around. That meant we'd be going at my pace (slow), and I'd stop when I was ready (though he can keep going if he wants). He does sometimes try to push me to go further or faster, and sometimes I find this annoying/unrealistic and say no, but other times I go for it! He even ran next to me in two 5k races and was essentially my personal coach through them - totally cool.
    I'm still sometimes irritated by the fact that he's so much fitter and faster than me, but I try to focus on myself and how I'm improving. And it's actually awesome to have someone who can see my improvement first hand and cheer it on!
  • BewitchedBelinda99
    BewitchedBelinda99 Posts: 253 Member
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    I have been single for too long to count but your partner loves you, stop judging yourself so harshly x
  • bigeasy50
    bigeasy50 Posts: 48 Member
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    Would like to workout with significant other but I M not ready new to lifting I am still working on balance form and follow through it would be exiting for me but she does not want to at this time I would be in the way I am sure give me a couple more months.
  • ArmstrongSabrina
    ArmstrongSabrina Posts: 38 Member
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    Thank you everyone for the advice and comments. I have a habit of comparing how fast his body and my body are to losing weight or getting in shape but like many of you said, I shouldn't be doing that. I know everyones body is different, it's just a bad habit of mine to get a little bit of jealousy cuz he makes it look so easy and it's a huge struggle for me. Something I gotta work on. Another issue I'm having is that we have been together so long, he knows what my body looked like before pregnancy, and he's seen how much my body has changed since then, only natural of course, I know that...but I think that's what gets me embarrassed. He does love me and he is my #1 fan, I just got to deal with a lot of the insecurities I'm having like this and trust that he is just trying to help me out and make it fun by giving us something to do together. Thank you all for your honesty! I appreciate it so much!
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    Just stop it. He loves you however you are. You make love to him right? So then why is exercise any different?Remember he LOVES YOU how ever you are and will love you more if you try to do the fun thing.. getting healthier/fitter together.
  • jpaulie
    jpaulie Posts: 917 Member
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    Ninkyou wrote: »
    If you don't feel comfortable working out with him then find time to work out on your own.

    Also, I don't know why you're comparing yourself to him. You guys have different fitness levels, muscles and calorie requirements.

    and they don;t have babies... :)
  • ArmstrongSabrina
    ArmstrongSabrina Posts: 38 Member
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    mockchoc wrote: »
    Just stop it. He loves you however you are. You make love to him right? So then why is exercise any different?Remember he LOVES YOU how ever you are and will love you more if you try to do the fun thing.. getting healthier/fitter together.
    OMG I have never thought of it that way! Thank you for that! That's sooo true. I'm an idiot lol

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