How to learn self love?

Options
mmarino312
mmarino312 Posts: 6 Member
in Motivation and Support
This society we live in makes us all eager perfectionists that point out every flaw we can find within ourselves and any little thing that we think is wrong with our bodies. How have you learned to overcome it?

Replies

  • geoblewis
    geoblewis Posts: 44 Member
    Options
    My first big step towards self love was to treat myself with respect. I started asking for what I wanted, exactly how I wanted it. I started telling people "no" and set boundaries. I stopped being available to everyone all the time for all things.
  • saralthrash
    saralthrash Posts: 105 Member
    Options
    I still struggle with this! One thing I have been able to do is to stop putting myself down, especially to others! I no longer say things like "I'm so fat" and "I hate my body". Now when my girlfriends and I are talking about our goals I talk about something I'm proud of, like "I made it to the gym 4 times this week!"
  • mmarino312
    mmarino312 Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    You guys are all so inspiring! Thank you! Glad to no I'm not alone :)
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Options
    mmarino312 wrote: »
    This society we live in makes us all eager perfectionists that point out every flaw we can find within ourselves and any little thing that we think is wrong with our bodies. How have you learned to overcome it?

    It's about acceptance, I think. I think it is tied in with being grateful for what you already have. This doesn't mean you get complacent. I accept myself warts and all but I still have goals that I want to achieve which drives me forward. Look for the good bits about you whether it's your eyes or whatever. You've got a lovely warm smile. #creep

    :D
  • Patriciaenola
    Patriciaenola Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    Many things help a person - even when dogged persistance fails - you should wise up and be aware of critique that is inappropriate - or mis-placed my life as a child / young woman - was picked apart and practically destroyed by my Mother's Second Husband (he who may not be named - ref quote Harry Potter) By the time I left home at 30 + I had almost ceased to be a person - a perfect prey for spiteful comment and the amusement of people in the work-stead. Keep an open mind let only trusted friends advise you - have nothing to do with the negativity of other people - there is SOMETHING - no matter what - that is essentially you and 99 times out of 100 - they are jealous and want to bring you down - some may sense your lack of self-confidence - and that is like a red-rag to a bull with the bullying type - you may at first feel alone - well get along with it ALL - I did and now - at the age of 80 - having returned very recently to college and University to complete a delayed education - I see that all my bestest !! buddies are of Child / Grand-Kid age to mine I am conscious of being loved by people - there are so many places I am welcome - people come to speak to me - my hearing is bad with age and people speak really well to help me - Ultimately I have but one message for all you peeps with "Patti's Problem" - Learn to like yourself wise up - there's only one of you and there is no room for two of you you are so special that the World could not handle two - be good - be wise - be kind - be yourself and let the Negative People take sides and fight among themselves - You can afford to ignore them
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
    Options
    I will be quite honest and say that:
    - I haven't overcome it, but am trying to
    - It's not "the society we live in". Society is a vague impersonal thing that we don't really care about. It is however made up of people we do care about, and their opinions and voices and actions and our own interaction with them shape us (the way I see it). And a huge percent of that influence is accounted for by family.

    So, the how? There are two schools of thought about changing and healing the mind: one says behaviour influences cognition, a.k.a. "Fake it till you make it". The other says you need a long, thorough process of self-analysis and self-examination to learn your own deep hang-ups, a.k.a. "Tell me about your mother" approach (try to say it with a German accent :) )

    I think a mix of both works for most people, but "fake it till you make it" only goes so far, and you can only truly learn self-love by examining, over the period of years, possibly your whole life, what stops you from it, what your triggers are and Why? and can only truly progress after answering that Why.

    Not the popular answer these days, I know... But it works for me.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    Options
    I can't dig into my brain for an answer right now.. it's that afternoon slump time, but I did recently read this article that you might find relevant. It's called "Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem."

    http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/try_selfcompassion
  • yayamom3
    yayamom3 Posts: 939 Member
    Options
    Patriciaenola wrote: »
    Many things help a person - even when dogged persistance fails - you should wise up and be aware of critique that is inappropriate - or mis-placed my life as a child / young woman - was picked apart and practically destroyed by my Mother's Second Husband (he who may not be named - ref quote Harry Potter) By the time I left home at 30 + I had almost ceased to be a person - a perfect prey for spiteful comment and the amusement of people in the work-stead. Keep an open mind let only trusted friends advise you - have nothing to do with the negativity of other people - there is SOMETHING - no matter what - that is essentially you and 99 times out of 100 - they are jealous and want to bring you down - some may sense your lack of self-confidence - and that is like a red-rag to a bull with the bullying type - you may at first feel alone - well get along with it ALL - I did and now - at the age of 80 - having returned very recently to college and University to complete a delayed education - I see that all my bestest !! buddies are of Child / Grand-Kid age to mine I am conscious of being loved by people - there are so many places I am welcome - people come to speak to me - my hearing is bad with age and people speak really well to help me - Ultimately I have but one message for all you peeps with "Patti's Problem" - Learn to like yourself wise up - there's only one of you and there is no room for two of you you are so special that the World could not handle two - be good - be wise - be kind - be yourself and let the Negative People take sides and fight among themselves - You can afford to ignore them

    There is nothing more valuable than the wisdom of someone who has lived for 80 years. You have inspired me today. God bless!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Options
    I have also found that being in the present helps me appreciate me and all I have right now. I need to love myself and respect myself for who I am right now. I hear so many people say that they will love themselves after they lose XX pounds. I need to love myself now or I won't want to put in the time and effort to make me better.
  • las07s
    las07s Posts: 150 Member
    Options
    Sometimes the smallest thing helps me. Not slouching, dressing well/comfortably, making eye contact. I used to slouch down, curving my neck to stare at the ground (as if that would somehow keep people from noticing 6ft tall middle schooler lol). One day, I had enough! I stood up straight and pushed my shoulders back (I've actually never slouched again). I faked confidence until I felt it. Almost immediately, though, people treated me with more respect. Over time, my confidence in myself became more genuine and consistent. I began dressing for my body shape in clothes I felt confident and comfortable in (not wearing something uncomfortable because it was in style or because I thought that's what people wanted to see). I have never been comfortable showing a lot of skin, so I wore what accentuated my favorite features while remaining sufficiently covered and comfortable. Once I found my own style, I felt classy and pretty every weight. I didn't like how overweight felt (hence, MFP), so I committed to having my clothes taken in when they get too big. That's working really well for me. Currently, my mini self-confidence project is making eye contact with people I find intimidating. I find myself pretending to study something interesting in another direction and that's not cool lol. I now make casual eye contact then naturally allow my eyes to move on. This is supposed to come naturally, but for me it doesn't. I'm no alpha dog lol, but it's helping me a lot.

    I'm not sure if what works for me will work for you, but I am much happier as a result of these changes. :blush:
  • srv524
    srv524 Posts: 1,363 Member
    Options
    I said *kitten* it and started repeating it and believing it every day. Everyone has their flaws, whether or not they'll admit that to you. If people don't like you, why bother trying to impress them? Only worry about yourself.
  • f4rz
    f4rz Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    Once I accepted I am imperfect, I had to have the courage to show the world this. It is not easy, and sometimes I get sucked right back in.

Categories