Relationship- motivation or struggle?

I've been with my man for 7 years now and he's seen my weight go up and down a few times (pregnancies, emotional eating, stress and laziness with young kids etc). My first time losing weight (before 3rd baby) he was super supportive, I think he liked the confidence I was gaining. The second time around much less supportive in the beginning, maybe because he was in some denial about the weight he had put on too, who knows. He seemed a lot more edgy about when I would want to go for a family walk instead of watch a movie, or opt for a glass of wine and only one piece of pizza and salad instead of gorging on a ton with some beers etc. While sometimes it was hard, I think in the end the fact that I didn't push it on him and the results I was getting eventually helped him come around to also wanting to get healthier.

Now we're both working towards similar goals, I may have a head start, but I think he likes that I already have a lot of the habits down. Sometimes we both give in to temptation and over indulge but we don't blame each other for it. In some ways it would totally be easier, especially with eating to just figure stuff out for just myself day for day. It really hasn't been much of an issue though. I'm responsible for my health and fitness, support is great, but even if he wasn't as great about it it wouldn't make much of a difference. I'm doing this for me.

PS. I sometimes find being in a relationship to be motivating because although he doesn't care about the extra weight, I know I'll be a better girlfriend when I'm more fit. He's proud to have me on his arm either way but this way I'll be proud too. More self confident, more agile in bed, and more in shape for fishing and hiking by the time the weather gets warmer.

My husband of 15 years claims to not care what weight I am - I've gone up and down over the years. I think his statement is as true as it can possibly be -- he loves me no matter what, which is amazing -- but I don't really believe that he's as proud to be seen with me when I am heavy as he is when I'm fit. He doesn't make it obvious, but I can tell.

He tries to be helpful with any goals I set, as I am with his goals. Whether I am trying to learn guitar, advance my career, learn to sail, be a l33t gamer, learn to cook Moroccan food, or get and stay fit, he gives me the time, support, and even active assistance I need to succeed. Except with the guitar. I'm just still terrible at that and there's nothing he can do about it

So, we cook delicious healthy meals together, we make restaurant selections in part based on the availability of lower-calorie options, we hike together, and while he doesn't always work out with me, he certainly doesn't begrudge me the time it takes. He even listens patiently to my probably-boring stories about what happened in Zumba class and my complaints about muscle strains and how freaking hungry I am all the time. He has memorized which foods I like from which grocery stores and commonly brings home the best flavors of greek yogurt and the good sushi salad roll with wasabi dressing

He makes things easier. A+ support spouse.

I don't notice a lot of difference in my own life between when I'm single and when I'm not. I like to work out and eat right, and I like to treat myself to beer and pizza nights every once in a while - the only difference is who's picking up the check (he insists)!

At the moment, I'm with the man I intend to marry. He was a competition swimmer who moved on to an office job, so he's heavier than he's comfortable with for now. However, his diet on average is much better than mine. I swear, all he eats is granola, peanut butter, and apples. It's awesome, I literally cannot eat badly when I'm at his place. More often than not, I feel like I'M the bad influence But even when I've dated men with bad habits in the past, I've worked out and eaten right for the most part. It's just not a part of me that changes, I suppose.

I started my weight-loss journey as a teenager, so that's many many many years before I met my SO. I was basically in the same situation as you, OP, for a very long time ( but I'm talking about decades here, lol). I think the greatest lesson I've learned from this experience is, you just need to do whatever pushes you towards YOUR goal, with or without another person's presence.

I keep doing what I'm doing (watch what I eat & keep myself active), and dreaming about meeting my Mr. Right is like a completely different story here. They don't affect each other and the only common thing that involves in both is the confidence I gained from my hard work. I enjoy my changes, I enjoy being myself, and I'm confident ("to put myself out there" sort-of mindset). I used to hate any form of physical activities but I joined a gym because of a family friend. I went to gym classes alone because I felt awkward to do those moves in front of anyone who knows me. I got my results, got encouraged by that, and kept doing it. There were a few interwoven, short-living relationships alongside my weight-loss/ fitness journey, but I've never got those influence my workout/ diet (obviously there are other reasons why those didn't work). I used to think "what a waste to enjoy my success by myself" when I first got to taste how "being fit" felt like, but later I found it's the blooming confidence that kept me going forward, not opinions from other people. And, of course the success from being discipline to my fitness plan is a great stress reliever and emotional comforter when life turned its back on me.

Now being with my SO is a slightly different thing. I'm really glad that I didn't meet him too early when I was still working on my confidence. I now determine to work on my diet and physical appearance to a level I'd never imagine, and am hoping to drag him along, lol. He's in a completely different situation: never has to worry about weight-gain but weight-loss and he's pretty active since childhood. So the changes I get from the relationship is not affecting what I'm doing for myself but adding "helping us to improve our lifestyle/ physical appearance" to the list. I believe his need of "becoming fit" is not as great as mine, but that's why I have to work even harder since our genetic backgrounds are not compatible

In a relationship or not, all these should be done just for yourself

It's both for me. After almost 10 years together with my husband it is nice to still remind myself that I'm a separate entity and I can do something just for myself (besides work). I love being a wife and a mom, but I also want to be more than that. Being alone in watching my calories and finding time to exercise is not easy but it's something just mine. When I succeed, I know that I did it all the hard way, against the circumstances, without any family support, and it's a great motivator.