SBF, Reboot Boogaloo, Jun 13

V, I understand your disinterest in things. I have been there before, several times. It's not fun. Oh and when we moved into this house the electricity went out a lot and they told us it was squirrels too. We've got a bunch around here.

Mary, glad you had a good weekend and I hope you aren't too sore.

Well, I had my appointment. The nurse is great. She was quite surprised when she heard my history. She said they are treating this as a threatened miscarriage. She did labs for progesterone and for the HCG levels. She said if they are in range (get results back tomorrow) then we will do a sonogram tomorrow. If they are not in range of how pregnant I should be then she will test again on Wednesday to make sure they are doubling like they are suppose to. So we should know by Thursday if this baby is going to try to stick around. She was quite surprised to hear that we saw the baby's heartbeat in my third miscarriage while I was bleeding heavily, and just two days before I lost it. So I think she's unsure of what's happening too. She seemed glad that I was already taking progesterone. She did a pregnancy test and said it is still strong, so that's good. She thinks I am only about 6-7 weeks along.
So another day on the couch. I did start some laundry. I'm not going to put it away but it desperately needed to be started. My mom left after lunch. I was a little irritated that she didn't cook meals or try to clean (of course Steve was here part of the time). I had to make us breakfast this morning (just toast). Apparently she hurt her back. I love her but she wasn't a huge help. If I need to stay on bed rest for awhile I will see if my MIL can come up. She doesn't cook because smells bother her but she will make sandwiches and do laundry for me and clean. A friend is bringing dinner tonight and three friends have offered to take care of Alex if I need them to. So I have a good support group.
Alex needs a drink so I'd better get it and lay down again. At least I have an easy kid. He's just not tall enough to get his own drinks. lol.

Remaining hopeful boogaloo.
MM

I seem to be taking a turn for the worse this afternoon. I guess this morning's outing was too much. Hurting a lot. Not giving up hope but I'm not moving off this couch either.

Please not again boogaloo.
MM

Morning, pebbs.

I'm chugging along. I've decided to just sort of go with it for the time being, and sleep at night when I get tired, but try to avoid napping during the day. It's only two more days until I can see the doctor, so maybe she'll have ideas/answers for me.

Until then, it's small goals and being satisfied. Today's small goals are to print out/edit the chapter, and then slide in my transcriptions. After that's done, it will be ready to go to my sup. which is cool, because my goal was to get that done by tomorrow. After that, my other thing to try is to attempt a short yoga DVD, and accept that it's ok if I can't accomplish a lot of the poses. I had a teeny little voice tell me yesterday, as I was struggling to walk up a hill that "starting over is OK" I feel like a newborn kitten instead of a tigress right now, but it's alright.

Also, in confession territory, I ate a pint of ice cream for dinner yesterday. That was four portions, so that constitutes a binge. It seems that only part of my brain is at peace with starting over. But, today is a new day.

Kitten, not tigress, for now, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

Hey, I thought I'd wait to check in until after my doctor's appointment. I miscarried yesterday. I knew it, so I wasn't horribly surprised at the empty sonogram picture. I'm doing okay. I mean obviously this sucks and I'm not going to be great for awhile, but under the circumstances, I'm ok. I'm still hurting a bit physically but I imagine that will get better over the next day or two or week. In a sense I am relieved because I do not have to lay on the couch and wonder with every cramp if "this is it". I will probably take it easy the rest of the week and just get basic cleaning done, partly for healing and partly for grieving. The doc said my progesterone was a little low but he did not think that's why I've been miscarrying. He thinks it's something deeper and is referring us to a fertility specialist. Not that we can afford to go to a specialist right now, but I told Steve I'd like to go within the next six months. Right now I just want to finish the adoption, get settled in and then maybe we can think about trying again.
The doc took my blood again to make sure the numbers are going down like they should. I'll get those results tomorrow. The worst part (now) is to face people and hear how sorry they are. I don't like that. I know everyone means well, and no one knows what to say but the "Aw. I'm sorry. How are you doing?" just doesn't help. lol. So go ahead and say it if you feel the need. I won't get mad. It's more just when it's in person. They get that pity look on their faces and give me a hug. That's a sure fire way to start the water works! I think I have decided not to say anything next time, maybe not even to my mom and sisters. I may have to tell you though because you are my girls! And if I suddenly stop working out you will figure it out anyway. :laugh:

Time to mourn boogaloo.
MM

Thanks Pebbs.

I'm sure there will be water works today. Last night I drowned myself in my favorite restaurant food, dessert and my favorite movie. I ate too much, and still wanted to cry, but I made it till bed time. I am thankful I have a lot to do today, too much in fact. I'm trying to decide what to do today and what to put off until tomorrow so I don't over do it. Alex has been stuck in the house almost as much as I have so he's about to go crazy. He's been asking to go to the park for two days. I also desperately need to go to the store and clean the house and do laundry. Obviously I am not going to get all that done today. The store can wait because I do have some food in there to get through the day. I will do the basics of house cleaning and start laundry. Then I will rest. I do need to take him to the park this morning. So the first plan of action is to take him to the park. I'm really tired so we'll see how far I get on the rest of the stuff.
So that's my plan. Without realizing it, Hoarders was on my Netflix list to get next. That will probably help me get motivated again to get rid of things. I am feeling the need to do that in case we move soon. I want to get all the boxes labeled and organized and put away things that we just don't need out right now. And get rid of some more stuff. But that's later. I'm not physically up to it. I'll just watch other people do it. :laugh:

Balancing work and rest boogaloo.
MM

Today, it's back to the doc, then probably a walk home if there's no rain.

I'm formulating a new workout plan that looks something like "if awake, go to ten am dance class, otherwise, spin bike for forty minutes at 2 pm." I'll report back when I've fully pondered it. I think I'm sinking into a bit of a depression, and I know that the extra workout endorphins will definitely help in this department. I need to get back in the mindset that exercise is medicine.

MM, I rarely put on my bossy pants towards you, but I worry that you seem to want to stay strong and not cry or something. I know you have to be the mom and all, but my wish for you is that you put some time in your calendar to cry all you want. I am a firm believer in crying. I think it's how God washes us clean, so we can get made new. Just my two cents.

Exercise is medicine, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

I'm hogging the thread.

Oh. My. Goodness. Steve called and asked how my stress level is. Uh, what do you think? Well, it just quadrupled. We got a court date. You'll never guess when it is. Next Wednesday. That's right. Less than a week. We don't even know if it's possible for us to get there. He's making phone calls to see if we can make it work. Can you believe it? If we can't make it on Wednesday it will be September! Apparently the judge is going on vacation for the summer. My head is reeling right now! It's okay if we have to wait till September but I really really really don't want to. I can't even explain the chaos that will ensue in the next three weeks! Wow. After what I've been through this week it's hard not to get excited but also be scared out of my mind. lol. Aaaahhh! I've got to go think about this. I just had to tell you guys. Have you ever met someone that's been on such an emotional roller coaster? You are good friends to not say I'm crazy and leave. :laugh:
Oh my goodness! boogaloo!
MM

MM - Wow, indeed! That is nuts. But, I'm really happy for you that things are moving forward, either really really soon or in a couple months!

Also, I'm crazy too. So don't you worry about that. I am so relieved that tomorrow is my last day of work for awhile. And I even kinda like work, but considering that I'm constantly on this teeter-totter of too much work versus too much stress/pain, I just want to leave it all behind for a bit. I think it's hard for me to try and think clearly when I can't find a comfortable position, and every time I get into a groove my little reminder pops up telling me to go take a walk - so I have to decide between pain and productivity. Ugh. I don't even know what we're going to do while we're in California (we are visiting two of my husband's brothers and their families, and his mom will be there with us too), but... at least it won't be work! I'm just nervous about having to sit for so long on the plane ride out.

Oh, did I tell y'all that my insurance decided that an MRI wasn't "medically necessary"? My doctor is apparently appealing it for me, but they said they would call me by the end of the day yesterday either way, and I haven't heard anything. And at work, they inexplicably couldn't order me one of the two chairs that I had tried and thought were comfortable, so they pressured me into letting them order a different one without trying it... and that hasn't come yet either. Another good reason to get away for awhile!

Go west, boogaloo. :flowerforyou:

Morning, mildly cuckoo pebbles,

CP, I used to have a doctor who would sort of steer me into "medically necessary" symptoms. For example she would say "so. . .you've been having extremely painful periods and blood in your urine?" and I would say "well, no not really, I didn't say that. . ." and she would look at me with slightly wide open eyes and say "NO, I heard distinctly that you said you were having extremely painful. . ." She was sort of awesome. She was really helpful. She educated me in how to "work the system" a bit, and when I was going through a diagnosis of exclusion, expensive tests piled up quickly. Also, my doc yesterday said "you need to schedule a mammogram." My fortieth birthday consequently hit me like a ton of bricks. I bought new sandals on the way home to soothe myself.

Today is mostly a rest day (scheduled), teaching and dropping off a finished chapter draft (woot!). My husband read it last night and pronounced it "40 pages of awesome." So, that's cool. I'm taking the rest of the weekend off from braining to celebrate.

No braining, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

Quick post!
Mary, the movie thing sounds great!
V, hope you have a relaxing day!

My goal today? Find a suit for court. That is all. I hate shopping so I'm not really looking forward to this. Especially since I still have "baby fat" and I am still cramping and bleeding. :sick: Not fun. But I have to. I did get a decent night of sleep so that helped a little. I cried a little last night but I still don't think it's over. I hardly have time or brain power to think about much of anything right now. So my focus is just to get through one day, one moment at a time. We're also suppose to go shopping for stuff for Miss I. All this walking around will be enough to wear me out. I just hope I don't break down bawling in one of the stores. Half laugh/half serious. Oh and I might try to get a hair cut too. It's getting out of hand...like much of my life right now.
I did manage to drink a lot of water yesterday and that seemed to help over all. So I am going to try that again today.
I'd better get in gear.

Looking professional boogaloo.
MM