Do you have a people (or person) in your life that discourag

PJS323
PJS323 Posts: 115
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
I have a 'friend' that is on my case when I see her about what I eat. When we went to a bridal shower recently she was giving me a hard time throughout the lunch that I need to eat. I did, I just didn't eat the cream of broccoli soup, the breaded, fried chicken, or the desserts. WTF! Knowing that I have been doing this for 8 months, and have lost over 83lbs, why would you encourage me to take a day off every now & then.

Does anyone else have someone like this in their life? I get that she only needs to lose 7 lbs, or so she claims, but how does my not eating unhealthy food affect her? This has happened numerous times, and I refuse to yell at her about it, but mind your own damn business.

Others that I have mentioned this too said it's because she is jealous, or doesn't want me to be "thinner" than her. Could this be? Are people you have been friends with for over 20 years that petty?

I guess this turned into a bit of a rant, but I was wondering how do others handle this type of situation. Thanks MFP!!

Replies

  • mommyoftwins05
    mommyoftwins05 Posts: 645 Member
    No, I don't have anyone like that. When I go to my Dad's he always offers sweets.. as he knows I love them.. But he doesn't know i'm really trying to lose weight now..
  • Tracey_Smith
    Tracey_Smith Posts: 199
    Unfortunately friends can be totally weird. I've been friends for about 27 years and we went on holiday together a few years ago, never, ever again. The holiday was a nightmare, *****ing about everything all the time. Thank heavens it was only for a week!!
  • markysan
    markysan Posts: 33
    Think this is pretty common. I have 2 guys at work who do the exact same thing daily. Its eat these chips, you look pale, thats not good for you etc. to putting biscuit on my desk, or chocolates etc. Just plain annoying.

    Your friend may be feeling a little vulnerable that your doing so well. People are just weird lol
  • kelscot30
    kelscot30 Posts: 74 Member
    I hate when people do that! I got told yesterday I am 'obssesive!' This really angered me. My reply was 'Well if being obssesive has enable me to lose almost 2 stone so far then I'm happy to accept that!!!!' People don't like people to succeed or do better than them and sadly I do believe it is often jealously.

    Just keep smiling within yourself recognising that even with negative influences, you know whats right for you and you are STILL making the right choices!!
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
    My boyfriend is like that. He's super skinny, no matter what he eats, so he'll bring over candy and ice cream, and want to go out to dinner at unhealthy places.
    I just tell him that if he's not going to support me, then he wont be coming over here to see me.

    It kind of does sound like she is trying to sabotage you, probably because she doesn't have the willpower you do, and she doesn't want anyone else to succeed better than her.
    I'd stay away from her for a while, if you can. You don't need someone like that constanting tempting you, when you have done such an amazing job!
  • cherryburton
    cherryburton Posts: 18 Member
    As soon as you abstain from anything some people can get a bit threatened and defensive and try to knock you off. I've been veggie all my life and people instantly start banging on about how I need a nice bit of dead cow or a bacon buttie, and when I went vegan it was worse and people were actively trying to get me to stop!

    Dunno why they do it, but just stay strong and focussed and accept that it's their issues and not yours.
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
    You know, my best friend does that to me. But, I know that it is just her way of trying to have fun with me for a day. Even though she knows my struggle to lose weight, she doesn't know how hard it is for me to stay on track. So, I just try to laugh it off and stay strong. She eventually forgets it and moves on to another conversation.
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    Misery loves company so they say. I think that most people who do that are miserable about themselves because they are not doing anything about their own health or weight loss issues. I would just say that you are on a special eat plan (if your doctor recommended it say that too) that is working for you and you have to follow it. That is what I do and people leave me alone about it.
  • karensoxfan
    karensoxfan Posts: 902 Member

    Others that I have mentioned this too said it's because she is jealous, or doesn't want me to be "thinner" than her. Could this be? Are people you have been friends with for over 20 years that petty?

    If she's been a good friend that long, I don't think jealousy or competition is her reason for encouraging you to take a "day off". I think it's more likely that seeing you make healthier choices, esp. when they aren't readily available to everyone else in that setting probably makes her feel guilty about indulging in whatever food is served.

    People are much more comfortable socially when everyone around them is eating the same stuff that they're eating. I'd try to be polite but firm when she gets on your case and say something like "Thanks. I've worked so hard to lose so much, it can be a slippery slope for me to take "cheat" days, so I would really rather just eat _____ that I brought".

    Another strategy for parties is to bring enough of a healthy item to share with everyone, so people who might feel bad about eating fatty, fried, heavy foods while you nibble on carrots (or whatever) is to bring enough of your healthy dish to share. It's funny, but a lot of times, when you bring something healthy to share at an event where most of the food is less healthy, the healthy food is the first to go!

    This obviously doesn't work for everything though (like a wedding or something formal), but in situations where it's OK for you to bring your own food, a shared dish for everyone is usually welcome too. =)
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Your success might scare them a bit. They might think you're not the same person anymore, so they're fighting against your change. Just give them time to get used to the new you, and hopefully this kind of behavior will stop.

    Congrats on your loss :flowerforyou:
  • The people in my "real" life are Amazingly supportive!! They totally rally me on and are my rocks!! Most of the people in my "work" life are supportive, but there are a few of them who make comments like "you're too skinny...you have no *kitten*", and my favorite one "oh, she's got an eating disorder" which really stung considering I overcame bulimia when I was younger. They constantly try to get me to eat junk food and I politely turn them down. Keep strong in your quest...screw the haters!!:smile:
  • kateq321
    kateq321 Posts: 97 Member
    She sounds like she might be a little insecure in herself to be honest. I really don't like to hear people passing remarks on what other people eat as I think it's rude to be honest. Next time she does that just say politely that you appreciate her 'concern' for your health but really she has no need to worry. That you eat well but choose to eat healthy. She might not know it but I think deep down she is jealous that you have such good will power and self control.
  • kateq321
    kateq321 Posts: 97 Member
    LisaMariaCallow
    "you're too skinny...you have no *kitten*", and my favorite one "oh, she's got an eating disorder" which really stung considering I overcame bulimia when I was younger.

    Just read that there now...Christ Almighty what is wrong with some people????...seriously. I do wonder at how anybody can be so hurtful and nasty.
  • amberlee2011
    amberlee2011 Posts: 129
    I lost a bunch of weight the summer before my senior year and started getting a lot of male attention from people who didn't know I even existed before. My best friend was used to being the skinny one and getting all that attention when we would go out bowling or to other events. She stopped inviting me out as much and things got really weird. It could be a bit of jealously, but it could also be that she doesn't have your willpower, and when she sees you doing so well, she feels guilty about what she's eating and misery loves company! Keep being strong and sticking to your guns. Obviously you are doing something right!
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
    My mom is like that. But, I think it is for different reasons than your friend.
  • PJS323
    PJS323 Posts: 115
    Thanks everyone! She has no willpower to speak of, and she just doesn't get it. I'm not tempted by food any longer, so I don't let her bother me too much, it's just so underminding. That's like offering a cigarette when you know they are trying to quit.
  • markysan
    markysan Posts: 33
    I lost a bunch of weight the summer before my senior year and started getting a lot of male attention from people who didn't know I even existed before. My best friend was used to being the skinny one and getting all that attention when we would go out bowling or to other events. She stopped inviting me out as much and things got really weird. It could be a bit of jealously, but it could also be that she doesn't have your willpower, and when she sees you doing so well, she feels guilty about what she's eating and misery loves company! Keep being strong and sticking to your guns. Obviously you are doing something right!

    This is so true - being the proverbial 'fat friend' you get the cast offs from the skinny friend - so to speak (horrible I know). Actually, the people I've met through my fat friend days were actually great people, who, like me felt there were letting their skinny friend 'off the lead' lol!! Quite an unhealthy relationship in retrospect - and I didnt realise it at the time.

    Can i just say, my 'terminology' above is what was quoted to me by my now 'Ex-skinny friend' who eventually couldnt handle that I developed the art of caring conversation with people because of him abandoning me for so long - and when i lost the weight, well - lets just say the ladies didnt flock to him anymore lol!!
This discussion has been closed.