I'm Sick of Starting Over Every Time

See your doctor.
See your therapist.

Red flags I see:
random crying, for which you can't find a reason
eating in secret
bingeing
eating mindlessly (catching yourself, spitting it out)
throwing up on purpose
dance major (often the unrealistic & unhealthy demands from instructors lead to health problems)
"I hate my body"

And no, trying on an extremely restrictive "lifestyle" is not going to help.
In fact, that's likely to make issues worse.
Yes, try to lean more toward healthy foods & not so much unhealthy ones (80/20), but don't make
anything off-limits, or you're giving it power over you.

The only way I can stop myself from eating unhealthy things is to not have them available.
I find it much easier to say no to cookies in the store than if they're sitting in the kitchen. (If I want one,
I'll stop in the bulk / bakery section & get it. But then I can only have that, not the whole package.)

https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/en/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources


MyFitnessPal believes food should nourish and be enjoyed, however we acknowledge that relationships with food are not always so simple.

Eating behaviors are shaped by a number of factors, including biological, behavioral, emotional, psychological, interpersonal, and social influences that can have powerful effects on how we think about and connect with food. These factors can either influence eating behaviors in a healthy way or contribute to problematic, or disordered, eating behaviors. ​


Struggling with Food or Exercise Issues?

Take a free and confidential online eating disorder screening here or see the "Seeking Help" section below.

What Healthy Eating Looks Like

Eating a variety of foods
Enjoying food without guilt or anxiety
Eating when physically hungry
Eating until satisfied, but not overly full
Enjoying treats and comfort foods on occasion

Signs of Problematic Eating

Recurring episodes of under- or overeating
Eating in response to emotions instead of hunger
Eating to a point of physical discomfort
Preoccupation or distress regarding weight and frequent comparison to others
Inappropriate behaviors to compensate for eating such as self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives, diuretics, enemas, fasting, or excessive exercise

Types of Eating Disorders & Symptoms

While eating disorders may first appear to be weight-focused, food can also become a coping mechanism for feelings or emotions that may otherwise seem overwhelming. Over time, these behaviors will damage an individual’s physical and emotional health, self-esteem, sense of confidence, and control.

Binge Eating Disorder (BED):
Characterized by repetitive, uncontrolled eating of large amounts of food in a short period of time, without behaviors to prevent weight gain. People who suffer from BED may frequently experience feeling out of control when eating––they may eat when not hungry or in response to emotions, eat to the point of discomfort or eat alone out of shame for their behavior. Binge-eating is sometimes, but not always, associated with obesity. Learn more

Anorexia Nervosa (AN):
Characterized by restrictive eating (such as fasting or extreme dieting) that leads to weight loss. Compulsive exercise routines and other persistent behaviors may also be taken to prevent weight gain or promote further weight loss. Those suffering from AN commonly exhibit an intense fear of weight gain and/or an obsession with weight. Some sufferers of AN may also exhibit an obsession with athletic performance and will engage in strenuous exercise and dieting to an unhealthy extent. Learn more

Bulimia Nervosa (BN):
Characterized by frequent episodes of consuming large amounts of food, feeling a lack of control over eating and followed by behaviors to prevent weight gain. These behaviors include but are not limited to 1) self-induced vomiting, 2) abusing laxatives, diet pills, diuretics or enemas, 3) fasting and/or 4) compulsive exercising. People suffering from BN may also exhibit an intense fear of gaining weight. Learn more

Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS):
Includes feeding or eating disorders that cause significant stress or impairment, but does not meet the criteria for the eating disorders explained above. Disordered eating presents in many different ways. Learn more


Seeking Help

Eating disorders affect people of every age, race, gender, culture, and socioeconomic status. Much like the individuals they affect, they are unique and complex, and may not fall into a clear category. If you are concerned about your own eating and exercise habits, or thoughts and emotions surrounding food, physical activity and body image, or if you’re concerned about a friend or loved one, we urge you to seek help. If you're seeking help outside of the US, see our Global Eating Disorder Support section. (Bottom of linked page.)

For Yourself:
If you’re struggling to have a healthy relationship with food, body image or exercise, our partners, the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA), can help. If you’re not sure if you suffer from disordered eating or exercise habits, start by taking their free and confidential Eating Disorders Screening Tool. You can also seek help by calling the NEDA Helpline (From the US: 1-800-931-2237),
chatting with a NEDA volunteer or by visiting their website for additional resources, including in Spanish.

For a Friend or Family Member:
If you are concerned about the eating habits, weight, or body image of someone close to you, NEDA offers great resources for friends and family members, including a toolkit to help you understand how you can support a loved one with an eating disorder, and the Parent, Family & Friends Network.

Learn more.

It probably doesn't matter what this problem is. The first thing to do would be to find out why you aren't happy with yourself and that would cause me to look for professional help. What you describe is really out of our abilities to help with, not due to lack of wanting to help or caring in general.

Please seek some help from a doctor or therapist. You sound so unhappy & confused, it's important to get some professional help to get yourself on a better track. You deserve to be happy!