Not My First Rodeo...anyone else?

Hello,
I've probably lost over 400 lbs. back n' forth in a lifetime and have had 5 attempts with more than a 40 lb. weight loss, then failure to maintain. The latest was 7 years ago & I weighed 230 and dropped down to 138. (and won $1000 in a fitness challenge, became a trainer part-time, and was training to be a boxer)
I kept it off for a few years, then tore a disc in my back, the gym I worked at closed, I hit elements of menopause and 50 lbs crept back. Depression set in and I used booze as a painkiller. (not massive amounts, but even 1-2 glasses a week can add calories) I never stopped working out, but going from deadlifting 200 lbs. to limited workouts made my body add weight, much like an athlete who gets chunky after retiring. I'm not embarrassed that I weigh 199 now, (as I still have a lot more muscle then I've ever had) just know that my back and joints will thank me if I drop weight. I just can't be wild in the gym and eat sensibly anymore. I have to be hard core on nutrition and cautious with my gym time. (I still find ways to work out 2 hours in a session!) I have the tools needed, but when someone else isn't holding me accountable, I lose focus. Frankly, its comforting to have someone put a kick in my a** and make me do things I don't necessarily want to do.
This isn't a sob story, just I'm not giving up, but looking for people who also feeling, "Not my first rodeo".