Just pouring my heart out

Well, here goes nothing.

Once again I am here trying to win a war I've brought on to myself. Since I was a kid I have always been a bit chubby. Not until I was 12 was when I started to really worry about my weight. Here I am 9 years later still trying to win the same war. My mom had always made sure I was aware of how "big" I was growing up. Coming from a Hispanic family you will always get judged based on your looks, sadly I did not know that. When I was 14 I started taking action on my weight. My mom only bought organic foods and made sure I was eating them. I was counting calories, going to the gym every day, and working out at home after the gym. I had became obsessed and I was never really happy with myself. I had always thought that "If I was skinnier life would be so much easier for me", and I do believe that. That's why time and time again I would start new diets and work outs. But of course a few days later I would give up. The first time that I really stuck to a diet and work out schedule for more then 3 months was when I met a guy that I was (and still kind of am) completely in love with. His name was Calvin. Never in my life had I experienced such a desire/need to be with someone. He awakened something in me that, till this day, can't be put out. But because I thought I never stood a chance with him was why I started to work out. I thought that if I was skinny he would like me. I was really childish back then. After that I met my now husband, and I felt like I didn't have to worry about my weight anymore because he liked me. That's when I started putting on the most weight. 2 years after we got married I went up to weighing 300lbs. Yea, 300lbs. From the 200lbs I was weighing when I was 16. Last year my sister, my mom, and myself decided to go to a nutritionist. From the 3 months I was there I lost 40lbs. But since the holidays came around I decided to stop. But here we are now in January and I am ready to start again. That's why I decided to get on here, not only because I promised myself that I would stick to this. That its not a diet anymore, its a change of life style (even though that sounds so corny). I am here to promise anyone who reads this that I will do it. Day 2 into this and I know I will stick to this. So anyone who reads this please comment and show the love! -Ani.