Upcoming surgery and depending on others for food...worried

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debrakgoogins
debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have made great progress and am very good at planning my own meals. I have a major surgery scheduled for next month. My biggest fear is not being in control of what is provided to me for meals. I talked to my husband about it. I told him we need to plan ahead and that he has to stick to the meal plans I provide for him. He says he understands but I still worry. He is a lobsterman and works long, hard hours which keep him pretty fit all the time so he doesn't pay attention to what he eats like I do.

As an example, he made dinner last night while I was at the gym (which I GREATLY appreciate - please don't misunderstand). He made pasta with meat sauce. I gave him the ingredient list and had all the items weighed out before I left for work. I asked him to not mix the sauce into the pasta so that I could weigh my final portions when I got home. I went to weigh my food and noticed big chunks of pepperoni in the sauce that were not in the ingredients I had planned for. Delicious...but I hadn't accounted for it in my meal planning. I had already saved quite a few calories knowing the calorie intake would be high for the meal. I asked how much pepperoni added and he said, "I have no idea. I wanted to spice it up for you." I love this man and he means well but he just doesn't get it when it comes to food. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is helping the best he can.

Anyone else go through something like this and have ideas for how to have this conversation with him? Men, I would appreciate your input.
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Replies

  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,988 Member
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    Honestly, I'd worry more about whether he'll adhere to any post-surgical/recovery dietary restrictions imposed by your medical team (since he doesn't seem to be willing to follow directions) than I would about whether it will affect your ability to stay within your calorie restrictions for a few days or weeks until you're back on your feet (apologies if it's going to be a more long-term situation--you don't mention the type of surgery, so I'm just going by typical situations).

    Your body is going to be healing from major surgery; you probably should be eating at maintenance or even a little above anyway, if you can stomach it (in many post-operative situations, people suffer from loss or diminishment of appetite). It's more important in most cases to get the nutrition and energy your body needs to heal. (Different situation if it's lap-band or gastric bypass or something of that nature.)
  • mlinci
    mlinci Posts: 403 Member
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    I'm all for pre planning and weighing food, and I've been doing it myself over the last few months, but I think it needs to be done within reason, and wherever possible, by yourself.

    I wish you all the luck with your surgery, but I would definitely recommend you concentrate on getting better, and not worry too much about food. Also, consult your medical team as to how much you should eat while in recovery, they may recommend to eat more while you are recovering.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    How long are you going to be out of commission (unable to cook/meal prep?) If you have a big freezer, you could get a lot of your meals ready now. When the time comes and somebody else has to make a few meals, I would say to eat as best you can and if you think the calories end up going over that day's budget (you may have to estimate stuff like added pepperoni) then just make up for it the next day. Depending on what kind of surgery you're having, it may be better to plan to eat at maintenance anyway just for the sake of recovery. That will give you more calories to help deal with the unexpected surprises.
  • DBrooks1979
    DBrooks1979 Posts: 350 Member
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    First from a Man's Stand point..... Tell the man you appreciate the thoughtfulness and his willingness to try to do this for you but that you need his help.. tell him you love him but need for him in food prep to weight out the ingredients he uses so you can account for them in your diet or ask him to leave out what he used so you can go in and account for it if it was a prepacked item. If you explain why you need this I am sure he will understand and would be willing to do that for you. As you talk to him about it just be sure your not talking down to him...

    Hope this helps.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    You could cook a bunch of meals in advance of your surgery and freeze them so he just has to take it out and heat it up.
    Does he find the food you plan kind of bland or dull? Maybe you need to discuss your recipe choices.
  • _Waffle_
    _Waffle_ Posts: 13,049 Member
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    What type of surgery are you having?
  • MelaniaTrump
    MelaniaTrump Posts: 2,694 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Buy some prune juice in mini cans. Every surgery I have had I have had trouble with bm's afterward. Have a healthy fiber cereal and water next to your bed. You could buy healthy frozen meals to make yourself.
  • DYELB
    DYELB Posts: 7,407 Member
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    I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?
  • pstegman888
    pstegman888 Posts: 286 Member
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    I agree with @lynn_glenmont - I ate at maintenance when recovering from surgery, and between the extra demands on my body for the healing process, and the extra physical effort to get around and rebuild muscles affected by surgery/post-surgical inactivity, I still ended up losing a few pounds. (Don't be discouraged by any immediate post-surgical uptick on the scale, as you will likely be retaining quite a bit of fluid for a few weeks.) If others are providing food, just accept it graciously and watch your portions, but don't obsess over every little ingredient. Drink plenty of water and have your low-cal snacks on hand. If anyone asks for a specific request, you could tell them you really crave veggies/fruit/salad, in order to offset the higher-calorie options others are providing. But try not to add mental/emotional stress to the physical stress your body will be under. Wishing you the best.
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
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    I am having a full abdominal hysterectomy and at the same time, there are a few veins that are being closed as well. My recovery will be 6-8 weeks. I'm not sure at what point I will be up and walking. I'm not worried about losing weight and eating in a deficit but I do worry that I will not be able to work out 6 days a week like I do currently and that I will gain weight that I have worked hard to lose. I just want to prevent gain as much possible during my recovery and until I am able to begin my exercising and eating like I am used to.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    I think maybe it would help to have him start weighting and measuring foods now with your guidance do this with him. Tell him why you have chosen your foods. Show him how to enter it into mfp ( more hands on approach may help if he's a hands on type learner). If he had nderstands everything ahead of time it will be less overwhelming. If you can food prep anything now to make it easier on him so all he has to do is pop it in the mic or stove would be awesome.
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
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    DYELB wrote: »
    I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?

    I hope you have a long and happy marriage, lol.
  • tekkiechikk
    tekkiechikk Posts: 375 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Good luck on your surgery, I hope it goes well and you recover fully.

    I'm also in favor of freezing as many meals as possible now. Portion out as much dry food (cereal, snacks, etc.) now as well. Also put together a detailed shopping list for whoever is shopping so they'll know exactly what to buy if you need it.

    While you'll be unable to physically exercise, now would be a good time to catch up on books you've wanted to read, planning ahead for spring gardens, deciding on new paint for the kitchen, even how to change up your workout routines if they're getting stale- give the brain some mental exercise until your body catches up.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 490 Member
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    I would also focus on your recovery. If it does worry you that much though, try to make meals ahead and freeze them. That is the easiest way for you to be able to relax knowing you are eating well and without him having to try to figure out how to cook the way that you do while taking care of you.
  • markrgeary1
    markrgeary1 Posts: 853 Member
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    DBrooks1979 wrote: »
    First from a Man's Stand point..... Tell the man you appreciate the thoughtfulness and his willingness to try to do this for you but that you need his help.. tell him you love him but need for him in food prep to weight out the ingredients he uses so you can account for them in your diet or ask him to leave out what he used so you can go in and account for it if it was a prepacked item. If you explain why you need this I am sure he will understand and would be willing to do that for you. As you talk to him about it just be sure your not talking down to him...

    Hope this helps.

    From another guy, do this!

    If he's willing to cook the battle is won. He just wanted you to enjoy. Explain what need (the reason why generally helps) he'll go along.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    Deal with surgery recovery first and foremost! Depending on your surgery, you may be given a diet plan to follow while you recover, which will take some of that worry off.

    It's great your husband wants to help, too! If you're worried, ask him that next time he spices it up, just write down how much he put in. He doesn't have to worry about noting calories or what not, just as long as you know what amount was put in. It may very well be over your calories, but if you know you can at least log it and plan for the next day or later that evening, and enjoy him helping you out. ^_^
  • paulandrachelk
    paulandrachelk Posts: 280 Member
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    Been there, done that. Was pretty functional around house after 3-4 weeks but tired quickly and could overdo easily.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    edited January 2016
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    Good luck on your surgery (I have one coming up in a few weeks too, but I will have strict dietary rules and I live alone so I don't have your problem).

    The best solution I can see is, as soon as you can, babysit him in the kitchen. Stand or sit there while he cooks so you can make sure he does what you want and you know exactly what he is putting in the meals. you are right, he is a wonderful, helpful man but he doesn't "get it".
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    How long are you going to be out of commission (unable to cook/meal prep?) If you have a big freezer, you could get a lot of your meals ready now. When the time comes and somebody else has to make a few meals, I would say to eat as best you can and if you think the calories end up going over that day's budget (you may have to estimate stuff like added pepperoni) then just make up for it the next day. Depending on what kind of surgery you're having, it may be better to plan to eat at maintenance anyway just for the sake of recovery. That will give you more calories to help deal with the unexpected surprises.

    Yep. Just make a few meals every weekend until then, portion and freeze. You'll have them in your recipes and you can log them easily. If you make two 8-serving dishes for the next three weekends, you'll have 48 individual meals to heat and eat.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    Here's what i did before my ankle surgery:
    #Made and froze my own casseroles in individual portions beforehand so all he had to do was thaw and microwave (a silicon muffin pan is awesome for portion ing and freezing!)
    # stocked up on canned soups

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