Upcoming surgery and depending on others for food...worried

debrakgoogins · January 2016

I have made great progress and am very good at planning my own meals. I have a major surgery scheduled for next month. My biggest fear is not being in control of what is provided to me for meals. I talked to my husband about it. I told him we need to plan ahead and that he has to stick to the meal plans I provide for him. He says he understands but I still worry. He is a lobsterman and works long, hard hours which keep him pretty fit all the time so he doesn't pay attention to what he eats like I do.

As an example, he made dinner last night while I was at the gym (which I GREATLY appreciate - please don't misunderstand). He made pasta with meat sauce. I gave him the ingredient list and had all the items weighed out before I left for work. I asked him to not mix the sauce into the pasta so that I could weigh my final portions when I got home. I went to weigh my food and noticed big chunks of pepperoni in the sauce that were not in the ingredients I had planned for. Delicious...but I hadn't accounted for it in my meal planning. I had already saved quite a few calories knowing the calorie intake would be high for the meal. I asked how much pepperoni added and he said, "I have no idea. I wanted to spice it up for you." I love this man and he means well but he just doesn't get it when it comes to food. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is helping the best he can.

Anyone else go through something like this and have ideas for how to have this conversation with him? Men, I would appreciate your input.

lynn_glenmont · January 2016

Honestly, I'd worry more about whether he'll adhere to any post-surgical/recovery dietary restrictions imposed by your medical team (since he doesn't seem to be willing to follow directions) than I would about whether it will affect your ability to stay within your calorie restrictions for a few days or weeks until you're back on your feet (apologies if it's going to be a more long-term situation--you don't mention the type of surgery, so I'm just going by typical situations).

Your body is going to be healing from major surgery; you probably should be eating at maintenance or even a little above anyway, if you can stomach it (in many post-operative situations, people suffer from loss or diminishment of appetite). It's more important in most cases to get the nutrition and energy your body needs to heal. (Different situation if it's lap-band or gastric bypass or something of that nature.)

mlinci · January 2016

I'm all for pre planning and weighing food, and I've been doing it myself over the last few months, but I think it needs to be done within reason, and wherever possible, by yourself.

I wish you all the luck with your surgery, but I would definitely recommend you concentrate on getting better, and not worry too much about food. Also, consult your medical team as to how much you should eat while in recovery, they may recommend to eat more while you are recovering.

jemhh · January 2016

How long are you going to be out of commission (unable to cook/meal prep?) If you have a big freezer, you could get a lot of your meals ready now. When the time comes and somebody else has to make a few meals, I would say to eat as best you can and if you think the calories end up going over that day's budget (you may have to estimate stuff like added pepperoni) then just make up for it the next day. Depending on what kind of surgery you're having, it may be better to plan to eat at maintenance anyway just for the sake of recovery. That will give you more calories to help deal with the unexpected surprises.

DBrooks1979 · January 2016

First from a Man's Stand point..... Tell the man you appreciate the thoughtfulness and his willingness to try to do this for you but that you need his help.. tell him you love him but need for him in food prep to weight out the ingredients he uses so you can account for them in your diet or ask him to leave out what he used so you can go in and account for it if it was a prepacked item. If you explain why you need this I am sure he will understand and would be willing to do that for you. As you talk to him about it just be sure your not talking down to him...

Hope this helps.

Lounmoun · January 2016

You could cook a bunch of meals in advance of your surgery and freeze them so he just has to take it out and heat it up.
Does he find the food you plan kind of bland or dull? Maybe you need to discuss your recipe choices.

_Waffle_ · January 2016

What type of surgery are you having?

MelaniaTrump · January 2016

Buy some prune juice in mini cans. Every surgery I have had I have had trouble with bm's afterward. Have a healthy fiber cereal and water next to your bed. You could buy healthy frozen meals to make yourself.

DYELB · January 2016

I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?

pstegman888 · January 2016

I agree with @lynn_glenmont - I ate at maintenance when recovering from surgery, and between the extra demands on my body for the healing process, and the extra physical effort to get around and rebuild muscles affected by surgery/post-surgical inactivity, I still ended up losing a few pounds. (Don't be discouraged by any immediate post-surgical uptick on the scale, as you will likely be retaining quite a bit of fluid for a few weeks.) If others are providing food, just accept it graciously and watch your portions, but don't obsess over every little ingredient. Drink plenty of water and have your low-cal snacks on hand. If anyone asks for a specific request, you could tell them you really crave veggies/fruit/salad, in order to offset the higher-calorie options others are providing. But try not to add mental/emotional stress to the physical stress your body will be under. Wishing you the best.

debrakgoogins · January 2016

I am having a full abdominal hysterectomy and at the same time, there are a few veins that are being closed as well. My recovery will be 6-8 weeks. I'm not sure at what point I will be up and walking. I'm not worried about losing weight and eating in a deficit but I do worry that I will not be able to work out 6 days a week like I do currently and that I will gain weight that I have worked hard to lose. I just want to prevent gain as much possible during my recovery and until I am able to begin my exercising and eating like I am used to.

angelexperiment · January 2016

I think maybe it would help to have him start weighting and measuring foods now with your guidance do this with him. Tell him why you have chosen your foods. Show him how to enter it into mfp ( more hands on approach may help if he's a hands on type learner). If he had nderstands everything ahead of time it will be less overwhelming. If you can food prep anything now to make it easier on him so all he has to do is pop it in the mic or stove would be awesome.

debrakgoogins · January 2016

DYELB wrote: »

I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?

I hope you have a long and happy marriage, lol.

tekkiechikk · January 2016

Good luck on your surgery, I hope it goes well and you recover fully.

I'm also in favor of freezing as many meals as possible now. Portion out as much dry food (cereal, snacks, etc.) now as well. Also put together a detailed shopping list for whoever is shopping so they'll know exactly what to buy if you need it.

While you'll be unable to physically exercise, now would be a good time to catch up on books you've wanted to read, planning ahead for spring gardens, deciding on new paint for the kitchen, even how to change up your workout routines if they're getting stale- give the brain some mental exercise until your body catches up.

Zombella · January 2016

I would also focus on your recovery. If it does worry you that much though, try to make meals ahead and freeze them. That is the easiest way for you to be able to relax knowing you are eating well and without him having to try to figure out how to cook the way that you do while taking care of you.

markrgeary1 · January 2016

DBrooks1979 wrote: »

First from a Man's Stand point..... Tell the man you appreciate the thoughtfulness and his willingness to try to do this for you but that you need his help.. tell him you love him but need for him in food prep to weight out the ingredients he uses so you can account for them in your diet or ask him to leave out what he used so you can go in and account for it if it was a prepacked item. If you explain why you need this I am sure he will understand and would be willing to do that for you. As you talk to him about it just be sure your not talking down to him...

Hope this helps.

From another guy, do this!

If he's willing to cook the battle is won. He just wanted you to enjoy. Explain what need (the reason why generally helps) he'll go along.

dubird · January 2016

Deal with surgery recovery first and foremost! Depending on your surgery, you may be given a diet plan to follow while you recover, which will take some of that worry off.

It's great your husband wants to help, too! If you're worried, ask him that next time he spices it up, just write down how much he put in. He doesn't have to worry about noting calories or what not, just as long as you know what amount was put in. It may very well be over your calories, but if you know you can at least log it and plan for the next day or later that evening, and enjoy him helping you out. ^_^

paulandrachelk · January 2016

Been there, done that. Was pretty functional around house after 3-4 weeks but tired quickly and could overdo easily.

earlnabby · January 2016

Good luck on your surgery (I have one coming up in a few weeks too, but I will have strict dietary rules and I live alone so I don't have your problem).

The best solution I can see is, as soon as you can, babysit him in the kitchen. Stand or sit there while he cooks so you can make sure he does what you want and you know exactly what he is putting in the meals. you are right, he is a wonderful, helpful man but he doesn't "get it".

Queenmunchy · January 2016

jemhh wrote: »

How long are you going to be out of commission (unable to cook/meal prep?) If you have a big freezer, you could get a lot of your meals ready now. When the time comes and somebody else has to make a few meals, I would say to eat as best you can and if you think the calories end up going over that day's budget (you may have to estimate stuff like added pepperoni) then just make up for it the next day. Depending on what kind of surgery you're having, it may be better to plan to eat at maintenance anyway just for the sake of recovery. That will give you more calories to help deal with the unexpected surprises.

Yep. Just make a few meals every weekend until then, portion and freeze. You'll have them in your recipes and you can log them easily. If you make two 8-serving dishes for the next three weekends, you'll have 48 individual meals to heat and eat.

rosebarnalice · January 2016

Here's what i did before my ankle surgery:
#Made and froze my own casseroles in individual portions beforehand so all he had to do was thaw and microwave (a silicon muffin pan is awesome for portion ing and freezing!)
# stocked up on canned soups

debrakgoogins · January 2016

earlnabby wrote: »

Good luck on your surgery (I have one coming up in a few weeks too, but I will have strict dietary rules and I live alone so I don't have your problem).

The best solution I can see is, as soon as you can, babysit him in the kitchen. Stand or sit there while he cooks so you can make sure he does what you want and you know exactly what he is putting in the meals. you are right, he is a wonderful, helpful man but he doesn't "get it".

I know your intention is good but I don't want to hover over him and make him feel like he is inadequate or that I underestimate his ability to do things right. I feel like dictating to him in the kitchen would cause hard feelings and resentment pretty quickly. I know I wouldn't take kindly to that if I were in his shoes.

To the individual who asked if my cooking is bland. No! My cooking tends to be pretty elaborate and flavorful. He likes to keep it simple when he is cooking. If it involved cutting up vegetables or adding seasonings, he will probably skip it for burgers on the grill.

Thank you to all how responded. Thank you especially to both men who responded with genuine comments and suggestions from a man's perspective.

I'll start planning some main dish meals and get them into the freezer. I'll buy plenty of frozen vegetables. I'll portion out snacks. That's probably the best I can do.

AliceDark · January 2016

Like everyone else is saying, freeze everything you can before then. Talk to your husband about healthy, low-calories snacks, breakfasts and lunches that you'll enjoy, so if he gets creative with dinners it won't impact you too much.

But after that, let it go. Stress and worry will absolutely make things worse, much more than eating some extra pepperoni. You will almost certainly gain some weight immediately following the surgery -- water retention and swelling are fun like that. Try to stay off the scale as long as you can afterward, and give your body time to process everything and get back to normal. If the worst-case scenario is that you cannot cook or meal prep for the full 8 weeks, how much weight could you really gain in that time? (Discounting the 5-10 pounds of water retention, which will go away on their own eventually). Whatever you gain, you can lose again; if you did it once, you know how to do it again.

dubird · January 2016

Actually, freezing meals is a good idea too. You can make a list from recipes you like and do all the prep in one day for a LOT of meals! Especially if it's just the two of you. I took 4 recipes and a couple of crock-pot recipes and spent about 3 hours putting them together. The crock-pot stuff just when into a single bag to freeze, and then just stick in the crock-pot in the morning. The others, since it's just the two of us, I got 3-4 meals out of each recipe, so all total I ended up with about 15 meals ready to put in the crock-pot or oven, no prep required! Look into doing that before your surgery, if you can. Get your husband to help if he wants, makes it go faster.

azulvioleta6 · January 2016

debrakgoogins wrote: »

I am having a full abdominal hysterectomy and at the same time, there are a few veins that are being closed as well. My recovery will be 6-8 weeks. I'm not sure at what point I will be up and walking. I'm not worried about losing weight and eating in a deficit but I do worry that I will not be able to work out 6 days a week like I do currently and that I will gain weight that I have worked hard to lose. I just want to prevent gain as much possible during my recovery and until I am able to begin my exercising and eating like I am used to.

I've been through this, as well as two other major surgeries during my weight-loss process.

All I want to eat for several weeks is soup, yogurt, pudding and applesauce in very small quantities. You might not be up to full meals for quite a while.

I would suggest stocking up on things like those above, plus making and freezing some pre-portioned soups, stock and meals.

By the time you start feeling hungry again, you will probably be capable of cooking on your own.

victoria_1024 · January 2016

We went through something similar. My husband had two major surgeries this fall and was hospitalized for many weeks. We have four young kids so people in the community wanted to help by doing a meal train. So for many weeks we got meals and I had no idea what was in anything. All I could do was make a guess from the mfp database and eat reasonable portions. At that point I had other things on my mind so I couldn't get hung up on it. I maintained for a couple months during all of this and I was fine with it.

I agree with advice to either focus on your recovery and not losing weight or prepare meals in advance. Big picture, this is temporary so it really would be ok to eat mindfully and not be as focused on calorie counting.

fiveminutes · January 2016

I'm currently recovering from a partial knee replacement and for the first couple of weeks or so, I was at the liberty of others to make meals for me. I didn't worry about weighing at all, because honestly, my body just wanted to recover - and I was sleeping a lot from pain meds. I'm almost 9 weeks out, and I have just been able to get back to the gym last week, and so I've started tracking everything again. IMO, I say listen to your body, during this recovery do not be so hell bent on counting and meeting deficits, etc. because it's just going to prolong your healing time. I'm still not 100% at the gym, but I'm still going. I'll be preparing for the next knee this summer, and I plan on taking the same route I did with this knee. Listen to your body.

namelesshere · January 2016

Remember: This plan is calories in < calories out. That said, just eat less of whatever he is preparing, log it the best you can, and worry about recovery. Yes, you will not be able to exercise, yes you may gain a few pounds but it is not the end of the world. You can still weigh your portions, perhaps peruse a new cookbook or two. Crockpots are wonderful and there are some Fix and Forget It cookbooks with caloric count so not a lot of meal time prep. Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery.

youngmomtaz · January 2016

I agree, eat to heal. Eat at maintenance for a couple weeks, you body uses a lot of calories to recover. You could do some prepping of single serve meals for just you or for both of you and Pop them in the freezer to be microwaved or heated in the oven. Have your house stocked with fresh veg and fruit for the first week just in case you husband has to little time to grocery shop and possible a bunch of frozen produce as well. Bonus that it will save you chopping when you do start moving about more and you will just have to do some dump and heat instead of too much time on your feet. Do you have an understanding friend you could get to help? Throw some of your grocery budget their way and ask if they could make doubles of what they are healthy cooking for their own family? Do some brainstorming and planning if you feel it will stress you out to not be in control. But really, extra cal for a bit won't hurt you and you can cut back again once healed. Good luck with your surgery.

booksandchocolate12 · January 2016

Lounmoun wrote: »

You could cook a bunch of meals in advance of your surgery and freeze them so he just has to take it out and heat it up.

I think this is an excellent idea.

DYELB wrote: »

I usually just break down in tears and tell my spouse that he doesn't really love me anymore and that this is how I know he's been cheating on me and why don't we talk anymore and who was that b*tch you were on the phone with last night?

This made me laugh out loud. My husband and I have both been known to wail, "YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" over the most trivial things. In jest, of course.

Not saying your problem is trivial, OP. Not at all. @DYELB 's answer just tickled me.

ZeroDelta · January 2016

debrakgoogins wrote: »

I have made great progress and am very good at planning my own meals. I have a major surgery scheduled for next month. My biggest fear is not being in control of what is provided to me for meals. I talked to my husband about it. I told him we need to plan ahead and that he has to stick to the meal plans I provide for him. He says he understands but I still worry. He is a lobsterman and works long, hard hours which keep him pretty fit all the time so he doesn't pay attention to what he eats like I do.

As an example, he made dinner last night while I was at the gym (which I GREATLY appreciate - please don't misunderstand). He made pasta with meat sauce. I gave him the ingredient list and had all the items weighed out before I left for work. I asked him to not mix the sauce into the pasta so that I could weigh my final portions when I got home. I went to weigh my food and noticed big chunks of pepperoni in the sauce that were not in the ingredients I had planned for. Delicious...but I hadn't accounted for it in my meal planning. I had already saved quite a few calories knowing the calorie intake would be high for the meal. I asked how much pepperoni added and he said, "I have no idea. I wanted to spice it up for you." I love this man and he means well but he just doesn't get it when it comes to food. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he is helping the best he can.

Anyone else go through something like this and have ideas for how to have this conversation with him? Men, I would appreciate your input.

Wife did something similar to me once. I politely told her I can't eat is and made myself something I could. Maybe you could pre-make meals and freeze them?

Upcoming surgery and depending on others for food...worried

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