Unhealthy relationship with food and limitation. PLEASE HELP!

You struggle with your "all or nothing" approach. Find a balance that works for you - feel free to add me as a friend if you like, i'm a big believer in balance and I do believe you can "have your cake", and lose weight. I don't have cookies because I can usually only fit in one or two, instead I'll have maybe some honey soy chicken rice crackers (tastes better than the honey soy chips) or instead of scooping ice-cream from the bucket (which makes the portion never seem big enough), i'll have two "stick" ice creams.

If you struggle to see what MFP gives you as a "goal" and not "the limit", perhaps put your settings at maintenance - that way when you start going a little under each day, you aren't doubling down on the deficit. If you set at maintenance then go 300 calories under each day or so, you won't be doing too much.

I'd also choose a slower rate of loss, it'd give you more than 1200-1300 calories each day which means more treats, less deprivation. Yes, you'll lose slower - but it'll be faster than what you're doing now.

You CAN get into it after having a binge - it's like a muscle, the more you do it, the stronger you get!

Sounds like me.

Your "all or nothing" approach is what's killing your attempts. I had to go to a dietician to learn the same thing about myself. She told me that it's okay to have those treats once in a while. Like, how athletes and body builders will have a "cheat meal," you can, too. Don't go overboard! Moderation is key here.

Keep trying to log your food. It was hard for me, too, it took years to finally get in the grove. And, if you feel like the healthy foods are depriving you, have a small sweet. And I DO mean small. Like, make it a reward system for yourself! For every day you log all three healthy meals, reward yourself with one Hershey kiss, or five potato chips, or half a cookie. It's okay to enjoy these! Just do it sparingly. And make sure that when you retrieve your reward, that you put the rest of what's left away BEFORE indulging. Out of sight, out of mind. Also, eating slowly and savoring it makes it that much more satisfying.

Also, if you go over your calorie count, it's not the end of the world. So long as it's within the general ball park, you'll be fine.

Please send me a friend request. I'd love to work with you and help you, as I know I've had the same issues. Good luck!

I used to have to same 'all or nothing' approach. I would goto the gym 6 times a week, stick perfectly to x amount of calories a week and not drink. Then I would get a phone call and end up in the pub on the Friday night (about 2/3 weeks in), 8 pints, a pizza, a fry up the following morning and everything would goto pot. I work away a lot so I would also 'secret eat'.

There is no magic potion unfortunately, the fact of the matter is it WILL take will power and dedication, but you need to give yourself the odd treat along the way and preparation is key.

What I have found works really well for me is preparing in advance for everything. If I got in and the cupboards were bare id be straight on the phone to get a takaway delivered, likewise if I didn't take my lunch to work with me id be straight to Tesco stuffing my face. What I do now is pre prepare my evening meals. I spend a day or the odd evening cooking about 3/4 meals (around 20/30 portions) of food from the hairy bikers diet cook book (sorry if your not in England you might not know this). They are really healthy and tasty, it dosent feel like your on a diet! Things like currys, chillis, chicken dishes, all sorts and are generally around 350-450cals. I freeze them in disposable containers then on a morning take one out to defrost, put it in the oven for 30 mins when I get in while my veg cooks and there you have it. That along with preparing a salad for lunch works a treat. Its a bit of a pain cooking them but once they are done there is no faffing around making your tea for a month.

I also set myself achievable targets, so once I lose X amount I am allowed a takeaway or a treat of some sort. This is the hard part to stick to! Temptation will always be there but stay strong. I enjoy going out on a weekend and im not going to stop myself doing this, but what I have stopped is the pizza at the end of the night and the hungover Chinese the next day! Another tip is to rid the house of junk food, that way the temptation is not there!

Send me a friend request if you like, im more than happy to help you along.

Tommy

OP, what is your height and current weight? What have you set your weekly weight loss goal to?

1200 - 1300 calories per day is very restrictive. I think you're binging because you're waaaaay too hungry. I also think the issue is that you're trying to lose weight too quickly.

You've already figured out that you just won't lose any weight with your mindset. So set your goal to losing 1 pound a week and forget 'being perfect'. Eat your calories. Let yourself have one cookie or two within your calories. It's supposed to be sustainable. And stop worrying about 'not reaching your goal in time'. Whatever you manage to lose by then, it will still be better than nothing.

And log everything. Honestly, it was an eye opener when I realized that I could lose weight and not deprive myself.

it's not like you wake up one day and you gain "will and determination" - you're plenty strong enough. It is no one's job here to diagnose or not diagnose whether you have an eating disorder.

The first step is acknowledgement, you're doing that, good job!

It's important to realize that your mindset is actually CAUSING you to do the OPPOSITE of what you want. When this really clicks in, you'll start realizing that a chocolate a day keeps the therapist away.

Is it biologically possible for you to lose the weight for this event? Maybe maybe not, you didn't say how much. But the weight will be back by whenever the next event is.

Do you want to be of a healthy weight for any future events in your life? (Weddings graduations births reunions?)- then I'd suggest ditching your goal on this event and changing your mind

Willpower is not an unlimited resource- studies have shown that using willpower in one area weakens it in others. That's why highly restrictive plans are less effective in the long run- if you exhaust all your willpower halfway through the day eating microscopic portions, you may wind up bingeing at night and making less progress than if you had simply set a goal you were actually able to maintain.

1200-1300 calories is very low for all but the shortest and smallest people. Combine the real hunger you're probably feeling on that intake with your existing issues with food and diet terminology and you're creating a perfect storm for struggling for a little while, then giving up and eating far more than you would if you simply set your target higher and stuck to it consistently.

If you find yourself rebelling against logging because it reminds you of the restriction you're resenting, take some time to just log without restricting- only logging on days when you eat "healthy" is counterproductive, log everything, even if you're frustrated or embarrassed.

Being honest with yourself about what you eat is the first step, and you may be surprised how seeing what you really eat affects your mindset. Right now you view your typical eating habits and "normal" and the weight-loss goal as "restrictive" (which of necessity, it must be, at least a little). But if your typical eating habits have led to weight gain, then they aren't normal, they're excessive. Seeing the true pattern and that you're commonly eating more calories than your body actually needs can help to make the connection between what you eat and how you look and feel- and then the next step is learning to eat at maintenance. This is only restriction in the sense that you are restricting yourself from eating excess calories, but still consuming everything your body needs to maintain its current size and function. You shouldn't experience significant real hunger on this amount of food, and eating this way for a while can help you retrain yourself to recognize what's real hunger and what's boredom, emotional, and habit eating.

Once you've mastered that, you can try cutting calories to lose weight at a more sustainable pace, and it won't be the kind of huge leap from "eat all the cookies in the bag when I feel like it" to "eating at a huge deficit."

This will take longer and will require giving up your timed goal, but that's probably for the best, anyway. Weight loss and maintenance is a life-long process, a marathon, not a sprint. Having a timed goal that bums you out if you miss, or that makes you feel like you have license to stop worrying about it after that date, is a recipe for failure.