Unsupportive colleagues

lisasp4
lisasp4 Posts: 73 Member
in Motivation and Support
When I started on my fitness journey, I decided not to tell my colleagues as they aren't exactly the most supportive bunch of women.

Today, one woman commented that my trousers were looking loose and asked if I'd lost weight. I said yes, I had lost a little.

Then the whole room erupted with comments of 'I think you should stop now', 'you're looking scraggy'.

What is it about some women that makes it impossible to be happy for another woman? Why couldn't they have said well done and left it at that?

Has anyone else had incidents like this happen? This is why I love this site. There are people here who are supportive and who you can talk to when you're surrounded by negative people.

Replies

  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    What is your weight and height? If several people suddenly are worried about you, maybe there is a reason?
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    Looks like you were right not to tell them. Now ignore them.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Practice your brush-off language, as in, "Thank you for your concern." I boggles me that there are people who seem compelled to give me dietary advice, after I've lost eighty-five pounds. Says a lot more about them than it does about me.

    For the jealous types, I say, "Thank you. Weight loss is very, very hard." First of all, I'm giving myself due credit because it is hard, and I am also giving them an "out" why the weight hasn't melted off for them.
  • SuperheroSadie
    SuperheroSadie Posts: 167 Member
    I'm the only girl in a cube farm of IT Bros, and I pack my own healthy lunches, while they tend to order in, so I've heard it all. I talk about it when they bring it up, but mostly it was teasing about my eating habits.

    "What you got in there? Some of that kee-no-ah? Some air?" a lot of "That's the food my food eats" and a lot of words from my heavier coworkers about how I'm gonna 'waste away to nothing' if I don't eat more, or I should "Stop eating plants and eat a burger" if I want to be less cold. (They keep the air conditioning on... in January... in New England. Of course I'm cold!)

    You just gotta roll your eyes and move on.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    edited January 2016
    It's called conviction. You are doing something to better yourself and they are not so it is human nature to "hate".

    Insecure people hate.
    Secure people motivate.
  • AvonLucyR
    AvonLucyR Posts: 124 Member
    As long as you are a healthy weight...ignore them! I say this having had an eating disorder when I was young. At that time, I had no idea what was healthy and felt fat while I was quite underweight. Now, I am obese and trying to get back to a proper weight for my height. That said, congratulations for all of your hard work and progress!!
  • Ngegee
    Ngegee Posts: 35 Member
    If it ain't a compliment then it's jealousy :*
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
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  • RebelDiamond
    RebelDiamond Posts: 188 Member
    The one that burns me the most;
    "Even if I ate like you, I wouldn't lose weight."
    All I really want to say is, if you ate like me I guarantee you'd lose weight.
    I'm not magic, I calorie count.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,281 Member
    Were the pants you were wearing too big? I'll bet if you had something flattering on, they'd give you the same response, but I'm just wondering if maybe you weren't looking as fabulous as you could :smile:

    Women. Gotta love 'em...
  • dewie1
    dewie1 Posts: 3 Member
    Losing weight takes mass as well, so even if your 100 percent healthy you look notsomuch. It comes back after time. Lose the haters, stick with us. :)
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,630 Member
    I have been slender most of my life. However, just in the past few years, I gained weight. 2.5 years ago, I got the job I'm in now so the people I work with have always known me as heavy. To them, that's normal. To me, being slender is normal.

    So when I dropped the weight and became slender again, several of them started in with the comments about being too skinny. For a moment it bothered me, and then I realised ... they don't know the slender me. While I feel like I'm back to normal again, it has come as a bit of a shock to them that I have dropped approx. 1/3 of my original weight. I just need to give them time to get used to the normal me.
  • soniamemms
    soniamemms Posts: 24 Member
    I just made a community post tonight on here. You will have to check it out. "Im losing weight and my husband is putting me down" Some women seriously are competitive, but would never admit it. All the women in my family try to sabotage my diet, by tempting me with cake and cookies. We were talking about it and they even admitted that women don't want to be around someone smaller than them. We laughed about it, but it's quite true with some women. It's a security issue.
  • evolution328
    evolution328 Posts: 83 Member
    It's so easy to run into the negative attitude. I once declined a piece of cake at work and got the response "oh you're anorexic" from an overweight co-worker. Another time a co-worker sees me eating chocolate and says "you're going to gain weight if you eat that, aren't you worried?". Irritated is not a strong enough word to describe how these type of comments make me feel. I know it's because they're insecure or unhappy with themself, but it's still not right.
  • candidglances
    candidglances Posts: 28 Member
    I was at a wedding the other night of my husband's and mine's ex co-workers. The folks from his job were all seated at our table since we all knew each other. When I mentioned that I felt guilty eating out and using a cheat day to enjoy the wedding and not count calories that day and that we were on a diet they all looked at me like I was crazy. I'm 4ft 11" and I'd always been pretty petite, as I've gotten older and have had kids i've gotten a little heavier than what i'm used to for ME. I was 98lbs for my height to about 105 and i was HEALTHY. I wasn't anorexic or sick. After age and kids though i'd gained over 25+ lbs and I just didn't like myself and knew I wanted to tone back up. They commented to hubby about wanting to take me out back and kick my butt for even saying I needed to lose weight or that if i came up missing he'd know why. -.-' I really wanted to just smack them all to be honest. Not only that but my MIL is always commenting to hubby and not being at all supportive with questions like.. "Why are you doing that?" or "Why do you need to lose weight?" or "I guess it'll be okay if i just eat half your birthday brownies" as if just playing light of it..
  • feisty_bucket
    feisty_bucket Posts: 1,047 Member
    lisasp4 wrote: »
    Then the whole room erupted with comments of 'I think you should stop now', 'you're looking scraggy'.

    As everyone's pointed out, they may be malicious.
    Or - they may just not know what an actual ideal weight looks like. People's perceptions can get really off, especially these days.

    Either way, it's yet another place in life to deploy the "Pssh!" and withering eye-roll.

    Also: "Scraggy"! (that's kind of an awesome word)
  • hamstertango
    hamstertango Posts: 129 Member
    soniamemms wrote: »
    IWe were talking about it and they even admitted that women don't want to be around someone smaller than them. We laughed about it, but it's quite true with some women. It's a security issue.

    So true, When I lost last time (only really got to top end of healthy bmi) it was my most petite and slimmest friend who kept on that I looked better with more weight on!! At that point I stupidly relaxed my habits and over time put it all back on over 2 years. Now I can see that it was perhaps that she was threatened at me being slim too! Not letting anyone sabotage me this time, especially not myself!
  • samgamgee
    samgamgee Posts: 398 Member
    People can have skewed perceptions based on what's normal to them. On one side of my family, everyone is overweight and when I happened to drop a few lbs when I was younger I'd get told off for being too skinny, but a couple of days later when I'd see the other side of the family who are naturally slim, I'd get praised for looking great!
  • GabriellaEstrella
    GabriellaEstrella Posts: 1,513 Member
    I have the same issue. Its always the women....I've been told recently I look pale and sick. I
  • KiyaK
    KiyaK Posts: 519 Member
    Ugh. Women co-workers can be the worst.
    I was allergic to dairy for almost a year, so I wasn't eating it. (I couldn't afford the allergy test until we met our deductible later that year, but I had discovered that when I ate dairy I got splitting sinus headaches) The women at my work could NOT handle the fact that I didn't eat dairy. They would tell me that wasn't my problem. They would nag at me when I turned down the pizza someone ordered in. The cook would even lie to me about whether or not dairy was in her food to the point that I would no longer eat anything she made. Then she got offended about that! It was ridiculous! I constantly felt under attack, despite the fact that 1) I tried to avoid talking about my dietary restrictions 2) it was a MEDICAL ISSUE 3) it affected no one other than myself.

    So I feel you on the "unsupportive" nature of some female coworkers. Just keep truckin' on your merry way. Their responses have nothing to do w you & everything to do with them.
  • Rachel0778
    Rachel0778 Posts: 1,701 Member
    Ugh, coworkers. My personal irritation is when someone asks you what you are eating and then makes a face. I can't imagine making negative comments about people's physique or food. It's truly none of their business and it is so disrespectful
  • jasmineruth
    jasmineruth Posts: 88 Member
    I had this happen to me at the beginning. People would make comments, tell me to just eat chocolate, when I ate chocolate say 'I thought you were on a diet!'. Now a year of maintanence and people have stopped. They have got used to how I look. They have realized I'm healthy and use moderation. Now they don't seem to care.
  • lisasp4
    lisasp4 Posts: 73 Member
    I'm yet to reach a 'normal' BMI and yes the trousers I was wearing were too big.

    I think some of it is jealousy as most of them are always trying and failing at various diets.

    I might buy some new trousers to keep them quiet.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Keep doing what makes you feel good. B)
    They will get used to you or not -- it does not matter.
  • joinn68
    joinn68 Posts: 480 Member
    People I think take it as a direct criticism as if YOU doing it was saying something about THEM! Ask the teetotaler, the vegetarian, the person who exercises, the person who doesn't watch TV maybe or anything that's out of the "norm". That's adult peer pressure. The worst imo is slim people telling you you are too skinny (my BFF is in that category. I ignore her)
    Good luck with your co-workers. No matter what though, if you are at a healthy weight for your height do not succumb to peer pressure.

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