The ever infamous: How do I get rid of this distorted image

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nikix
nikix Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm not really sure if i'm asking the question because I know the answer is ME, so much as I'm curious as to who else is struggling with this or has in the past and what you've done?

A little background, I've lost 100lbs, 2 years ago which left me with excess skin and I've always had faded stretchmarks. My problem is seeing all the imperfections in myself instead of the accomplishments I've made. I've been struggling with this for a little while. I wasn't expecting to, by any means, have a perfect body, but I also wasn't expecting to look like I've already had a baby yet either! :)

People can tell me all day long that I'm so beautiful and I know it doesn't matter until I believe it in myself.

I just want to know that I'm not the only person that's going through this type of situation.

Replies

  • busymomyof3
    busymomyof3 Posts: 31
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    no, you are not the only one.. i haven't lost near the weight you have, but i plan on it by the time I'm done. To date i have lost 31.4 lbs. but i still see the bigger me in the mirror. i just can't get past the image ..

    here's to kicking this in the bud!!
  • Jamazurunner
    Jamazurunner Posts: 132
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    People can tell me all day long that I'm so beautiful and I know it doesn't matter until I believe it in myself.

    You said it so well girlie. You aren't the only one going through this, I can assure you. I have some serious issues with pointing out all of my imperfections, that I rarely take the time to embrace or recognize the beautiful things about me. I don't think there is an approach you can take that will overnight rid you of a distorted body image. Its taken years for me to finally wear tank tops, yet I still cannot wear shorts in public. I think you have to be kind to yourself and just take things one step at a time. Focus on one or two things that you like about yourself, and start from there.

    I would also suggest talking with a therapist if you feel that this influences you in other destructive ways. Behavior modifications are easy to implement, and maybe it might be something you want to try out.

    But all I can say is just look in the mirror and smile at the gorgeous person smiling back at you.

    Best of luck :)
  • italiansweetheart
    italiansweetheart Posts: 24 Member
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    Your definately not the only one, I am afraid once I hit my goal weight, I will still see that FAT girl in the mirror. Good question, how do we get over this image we have created
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Well, not currently as I have just had a baby in March but 5 years ago I lost 110lb pretty quickly and it left me with excess skin, tons of stretch marks on my arms, legs, bum, stomach, hips, even my calves! EVERWHERE. I was very upset that I, too, looked like I had already had a child. Cried myself to sleep many times because "I'm __enter age__, I shouldn't have this body yet!" I know it's still going to be that body when I lose the weight again but this time I'm hoping the mentality I had doesn't come with it.
    I have not worn anything shorter than long capri's since I was 13 because of the stretchmarks on my calves, I don't wear anything other than regular Tshirts because others have cap sleeves becaused of the stretchmarks on my upper arms. My fiance, whom I've been with for 4 years and have a daughter with has never actually seen me naked with anything more than moon light through the window. I change clothes in the bathroom.

    It's a terrible way to be and it's definitely all in our mind and hopefully, in time, our minds will catch up with the weight loss and we can see how truely beautiful we are :)
  • maryhappy456
    maryhappy456 Posts: 27 Member
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    I'm always struggling in that stage. Being a dancer has a lot to do with it. No matter how much weight I lose, how toned I become, or how much muscle I gain...I still look in the mirror and despise what I see. It is always a battle not to compare my body with other peoples bodies. I wish I could...but I don't think I'll ever be able to see a beautiful body in the mirror...rather the fat girl that I feel like inside.
  • Elleinnz
    Elleinnz Posts: 1,661 Member
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    Personally I go back to my fat photos quite regularly - and I don't know if that is helping with my feelings re my image, as I can see the new person I am starting to become - and I do like her - a lot - and cant wait to see her by the end of the year...

    She will have some loose skin / stretchmarks, especially on her upper arms, belly and upper thighs, but she will still look gorgeous - and more importantly be a super healthy woman that has shed around 20 years of her biological age!!

    I am / will be extremely happy to be that new woman - and a bit of loose skin and some stretch marks sure as hell aint gonna spoil my fun!!!

    So try re-visiting the person you were - and who you are now - and see if that helps you a bit in getting to know and love the new you - big hugs - I hope you find the answer for you :-)
  • nikix
    nikix Posts: 4
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    This is practically my first day here and I've been dying to know for years if I'm really the only person that feels this way because I don't ever meet these people!

    My boyfriend has been absolutely awesome. I've NEVER opened up to anyone about this particular topic, I don't discuss it and when I was in the process of losing weight, I had a little to none support system. This is something I try avoiding at all costs. I try to avoid that I feel this way because I think in a way it makes me seem selfish. I just cried and cried and cried to him last weekend and spilled my guts about how I've been feeling with this weird body image I have and he said I wish I had known you then, I would've been there for you EVERY second and I would've supported you every second, you're the most beautiful person I know inside and out and I wish I had been a part of that, I'm so proud of you...I love your body, I love your stretchmarks, I know I've never told you that but that's because I know you don't like talking about it, but I truly do! I think it looks cool! I love your soul, the person that you are which goes way deeper than the exterior.

    And while those words were/are very impactful, all the same, it's REALLY REALLY nice to hear from people that feel the same exact way, this has already made me feel much better just knowing someone else out there is feeling these same awful feelings. Not that it's good we're feeling awful things, but it makes me feel much less like a monster and the simple fact of knowing i'm not alone is going to make this much easier.

    We're all beautiful souls!!!

    Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and opening up because I know if you're anything like me, appearing weak is hard. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

    I'll keep revisiting this!
  • nikix
    nikix Posts: 4
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    I am / will be extremely happy to be that new woman - and a bit of loose skin and some stretch marks sure as hell aint gonna spoil my fun!!!

    Love this.
  • kklindsey
    kklindsey Posts: 382 Member
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    i know exactly where you are coming from, in fact I just had a fight with my husband because I projected my bad feelings onto him. I lost 160lbs 3 1/2 years ago. My arms had gotten huge and unfortunately I have batwings that could fly an elephant around. My stomach is not great but at 43 and married for 23 years I don't have to show it to anyone but my husband. The arms are what I can't stand because unless you are going to wear long sleeves all the time you can't cover them up. I wear a size 4 but my arms, my arms, my arms. The fight? I bougt a sleeveless top to wear to my 25 year reunion and I asked him what he thought. He asked if i was going to wear something over it. I lost it and said "why to cover up my disgusting fat arms that you hate?" This man loved me when I weighed 300lbs and he loves me now, he does NOT think that, I do. And he was rightfully very angry at me for saying he thought that. but insecurities are insecurities and they are hard to get rid of. If I had the money to get plastic surgery I would pass the tummy tuck, the boob job and be completely happy to have the arms done but I don't and I dont think that I need to get surgery for them, I need to learn to love myself the way I am and realize that I don't need to be perfect. so do you and it is HARD and might take years but you can do it.
  • irenerose25
    irenerose25 Posts: 41 Member
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    I feel the same way. I've lost 30lbs but I feel like I look exactly the same. Just getting dressed is a struggle because I feel like I look awful in everything. Hate it.
  • bellinachuchina
    bellinachuchina Posts: 498 Member
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    Friend me :)

    110lbs. lost here, at goal for over a year, and yet never satisfied!
  • bellinachuchina
    bellinachuchina Posts: 498 Member
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    The fight? I bougt a sleeveless top to wear to my 25 year reunion and I asked him what he thought. He asked if i was going to wear something over it. I lost it and said "why to cover up my disgusting fat arms that you hate?" This man loved me when I weighed 300lbs and he loves me now, he does NOT think that, I do. And he was rightfully very angry at me for saying he thought that. but insecurities are insecurities and they are hard to get rid of.

    I do this all the time with my Husband. He'll say something nuetral, and I'll completely twist his meaning into sometjing negative about my weight/body/eating. It's my own personal image issues coming out. Thank God he puts up with me lol
  • stormieweather
    stormieweather Posts: 2,549 Member
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    Funny, I was just at the mall tonight. I didn't buy anything, and after I left, I realized that my self-perception is still that of a chubby lady. I am between a size 4 and a size 6 and look pretty darn good even in a skin tight shift or dress, but when I looked at the clothes at the stores, I kept dismissing every style as not appropriate. I realized that I was seeing the clothing as it would have fit my former size and shape. For years now, I've worn loose tunic-style tops or big, baggy t-shirts over stretchy leggings to hide my lumps and bulges. I don't need those anymore, but I can't exactly seem to convince myself that I'd look good in something tighter and more revealing. I DO, when I try them on, but I find I argue against all the items I look at. With formerly accurate, but no longer true arguments, at that.

    Definitely something I need to work on.
  • hangelgirl
    hangelgirl Posts: 9 Member
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    OMG! What an amazing topic!. I thought I was the only one going through this. Thank You all for posting here. I really thought I was going crazy. I Initally lost 38lb and maintained for a few years and decided to get off my toosh and get back on track to get the rest off and get to my GOAL :) I am now offically 10lbs lighter than I have ever been since High school. im 43yrs old now . I went from a 22/24 to now fitting into a size 10/12 and fitting into for the first time that I can remember a size medium top...? Everyone says how great I look, and that Im looking fabulous... It when im looking in the mirror I CANT SEE IT :(... when I go searching for clothes I still go to the Plus sizes before I realize i dont fit this anymore...

    I Understand/comprehend that I have lost the weight but visually/ mentally it just doesnt connect :( It such an obcession that I decided to go seek help with a therapist... wish me luck with that...

    I have an amazing husband that sees me...and doesnt think im crazy... but poor guy gets to endure my craziness till i sort this out :) hope it is soon...

    What have you done to help getting through this?
  • beach_bum_gurl
    beach_bum_gurl Posts: 200
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