I Feel and look Horrible

You have started to change already just by joining here!!!

Realize that no matter what weight you are, you are a valuable and worthy person. You are worth the effort to reach your weight loss goals.

Log what you eat, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Once you can see how many calories you are taking in you can reduce them to stay under you limit. It takes awhile to get into it, but once you do you will see results. Just a little loss will make you feel absolutely terrific! And that is the motivation to keep going and stick to it!

You can do this!!!!!

A lot of us who have weight to lose (regardless of the amount) honestly and sincerely would likely benefit from talking to someone about our issues (myself included).
But the past is the past, and right now we focus on today, and take it one day at a time. Each one is a step towards getting better, and realizing that bad days are going to happen, we're going to need a hug one day, and stand on top of the world cheering the next.
I know 40pds seems like a lot, believe me I understand. My top weight was in the 300's, and I was utterly disgusted with myself. It's a hard place to be in, and to get out of, but we have to do our best, otherwise it only gets worse.
But you have to push yourself to making better choices, even if it's just making a mini goal of eating at your calories for a week, or exercising several days, etc. Get out and explore the world (I like to find new places to walk, even if it's a 30+ min drive) instead of holing up, and remember only you can make you better, and we know you can.

And for the record, I know it's just a small icon we have but in it you look beautiful to me.

Honestly I know exactly how you feel. This time last year I was 50lbs lighter. My birthday was in January and I didn't even let any photos be taken because this birthday I'm 50lbs fatter and feel horrible. But you know what? I have been trying to get back on track for months and it's been hard but I'm getting there and you will too. Yesterday was the first day in weeks that I have managed to log all my food accurately AND stay under my calorie goal. I managed to lose 10-15lbs before Christmas but you know how that goes... So we may both be feeling pretty disappointed in ourselves, but we've done it before and we can do it again. It takes time and finding patience is crazy difficult for me. I lost my first 100lbs so fast, maybe in 10 months and I never really did learn how to eat. I feel that this time I'm spending more attention on ME and what my habits actually are and how best to work at changing them.

My issue is always evenings. I manage good diet until after dinner, then raid the pantry. Last night I was determined to hit my goal so I raided the tea box instead and had a cup of yummy herbal tea. Sure, cereal would have tasted great.... But I hit my goal because I made a smarter choice.

You will have to work through some feelings of self doubt, disappointment, and who knows what else but as you work you'll learn more about yourself and what will work or won't.

I haven't been adding friends this time around, but your story feels so close to mine please feel free to send a request.

This is EXACTLY where I was and the catalyst for change for me. I knew I had a real problem when my dude was sitting on the computer clicking through pictures. He stopped on a selfie I took to send to my sister and he kept looking at it. My insecurities went through the roof and I literally yelled at him to, "KNOCK IT OFF!" I told him I didn't want him to look at pictures of me. He said he would do whatever he wanted to do and I told him I thought he was a jerk (in more colorful language) because I felt like he was fine with humiliating me and I stormed off. After calming down and thinking about it, I realized that he hadn't done ANYTHING wrong. I didn't want him to look at the picture too long because I didn't want him to see what I saw when I looked at myself. I felt like the least attractive, fattest girl in every room I walked into. I wouldn't wear makeup or jewelry and didn't care what I wore, because I didn't want anyone to see me trying to be pretty and failing. I was depressed and so ashamed of myself.

Here is the first thing that I did. I changed my mindset. It was extremely difficult, a lot of hard work. I started forcing myself to think in a positive way, correcting my thoughts when negative self talk came up, and doing affirmations. I told myself "I am beautiful" aloud for my entire shower, every day, for a month. After that month I started taking a selfie every single day and making myself look at it and every time something negative came up, I made myself tell myself something positive instead. Then I worked on reframing the way I thought about everything!

Ex: I don't want to be fat anymore. Turns into I want to be healthy. etc

I have lost almost 80lbs now. I'm 5'8 and still more than 30lbs heavier than you are right now, but let me tell you, I feel GREAT! I feel beautiful. I feel strong. By FORCING myself to take small steps forward (when you're depressed, you really do have to force yourself sometimes), I have come a LONG way. I look back on how far I've come and it's just more evidence that the doubter inside me was wrong all along. I don't compare myself to other women anymore. I look at women who are further in their journey and I don't feel jealous. I don't judge what they where or think negative things about how they're probably stupid, shallow, slutty, or whatever it is we women belittle each other with when we feel bad about ourselves, I admire her. I know that I will be her too, and someone on their journey who is at where I am at right now, might look at me and feel inspired too. When my energy changed from negativity to positive energy, positive things started happening in my life. Positive people came into my life. And positive changes started happening inside and outside.

You can do this. You have to do this! The way you are feeling right now is in your control to change. All you have to do is quiet down the doubter and let who you really are and who you really are meant to be come through. Small steps lady. You'll get there!

TheChrissyT wrote: »

This is EXACTLY where I was and the catalyst for change for me.
<snip>
You can do this. You have to do this! The way you are feeling right now is in your control to change. All you have to do is quiet down the doubter and let who you really are and who you really are meant to be come through. Small steps lady. You'll get there!

That's beautiful - thank you for sharing, and congratulations on your success so far.

OP, I hope you come back soon and take a look at this thread, and see all these positive messages. You are not a horrible person, and you are worth the effort. You can't change the past but you can change the future, as Chaagy said.

You've taken the first step by registering here - just keep taking baby steps and change one small thing at a time. Don't look at your 40lbs as one huge goal, break it into smaller ones - lose 5lbs and then another 5, or log your food consistently for one week at a time, or whatever appeals to you. Use other goals, too, like fitting into a favourite item of clothing, being able to run for 10 minutes, or something else that fits your vision of the future you. Don't worry that you don't really know what you want right now, just start to make small changes and you'll learn things about yourself as you go on.

You'll see all kinds of opinions on these forums - people will tell you that you must go low carb/high protein, or high carb/low fat, or avoid sugar and salt like the plague, or sip neat lemon juice every morning and sleep in a field under the stars to cleanse body and soul, or whatever else they feel has worked for them. Just find something that works for you, that you feel is sustainable in the long term, and go with that.

The only thing that really matters, as far as I can tell from a few weeks of hanging around here, is that you eat sufficient calories to function well (don't starve yourself!) but eat less than you burn. Your body needs a certain amount just to function, even if you don't exercise, so eat less than that and you will lose weight. Don't deprive yourself of anything, find ways to fit treats into your day if you want them. Look at this as a lifestyle change, not a diet - you need to be able to keep this up so the weight doesn't creep back on. It will be a slow process, but you can do it! Check out the 'Success Stories' forum for inspiration.

And remember, you're only human. You will stumble and fall sometimes, and that's okay. It's not failure if you get back up, dust yourself off, and continue on the journey. I wish you the best of luck!

This is a great thread. So hard to stay motivated. But once you make up your mind, it can change! I'm taking it one step at a time. This week, I'm focusing on logging every bite that goes into my mouth. I make myself enter it before I eat it. Even if I eat too much. That has been my downfall with this is not keeping up with what I eat. Best of luck!

I am at this stage right now too. I don't want pictures taken. I don't want to go out or be seen. It's a terrible feeling. In the past I've lost 50 pounds and was at 137 pounds at my lightest. I felt great. My confidence was so much better. I used to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym and then run 10km in the evening. I moved after college and switched to more weight training. I loved it. I felt amazing and strong! I had abs!! But I had an injury where I got thrown from a horse and twisted my knee and damaged some ligaments. It went down hill from there. At first I tried to keep up. But I couldn't do much cardio, I mostly did upper body work outs. Then I gave up. I got depressed. Comfort ate and started drinking a lot of alcohol. I packed on 25 pounds. I hate it.

But long story short. I realized I could either sit around and mope and eat, or I could do something about it. My knee still gives me grief at times but I do my best to work around it! I think more positively. "I am beautiful, the past is the past." Look in the mirror and give yourself compliments!


So now I'm going to the gym 4-5 times a week again. Eating better. Riding a little as well. (It's hard because it's currently winter here). So I just spend my time grooming. But that itself is a huge mood lift being with the horses. I have pictures of me when I was really fit. (I made them my profile picture) I look at them for motivation. To help me achieve my goals. I am my own goal. I know I can do it because I've already done it!

Also working out gives you an incredible mood and energy boost! It's so worth it to even start small!

Haha also posting trot!! Lots of it! That's always a pretty good work out! Riding is great!

Sorry for such a long post! I have gone through what you have and I know you can do it! You are a strong beautiful woman!

If you want an accountability friend feel free to add me.

Remember, be positive and think in 1-2 months how much you'll appreciate that you started now.

Honest question: why would you take care of something that you hate? For me, I had to work on loving myself the way that I am before I could look at making a sustainable change. I started to read a lot of body positive blogs and read a lot about Health at Every Size. Seeing the wide diversity of bodies doing amazing things made me realize that my body was amazing too, and worth taking care of.

I recommend writing down 10 things right now that your body does for you (ex. allows you to ride horses, heart beating, etc) and 5 things you like about your body right now (ex. long eyelashes, great hair, etc). Once you start loving your body and showing it love by taking part in joyful active movement and feeding it delicious nutritious foods, it will respond in kind.

I wish you the best in your journey!

Im sorry you are having a bad day. I understand how frustrating it can be to gain weight that you had previously lost....been there, done that. I am a guy and we tend to deal with these kinds of issues different, with that said, just start! You can do this, you have done it before, right? Love yourself, do it for you because you are worth it! I wish you well.

Think of pictures taken of you as the "before" photos you are going to need when you are the "after" person you are working on.