A Wake Up Call

MrsFarrow · June 2011

Over the last 9 months, I've gained roughly 30 pounds. I know I have, my husband knows I have (despite what he says), and my family knows I have (despite what THEY say). One of my frustrations is the two latter groups REFUSE to acknowledge what I'm doing. I get a lot of "Don't get tied up in a number! Don't let the sun rise and set with the scale!" OH MY GOD. If I have to hear it one more time, I'm going to punch myself in my face. They've gotten on board with my hypoglycemic diet and my wheat and gluten allergy. Why? Because I feel 100% better when I eat that way. Why can't they get on board with my "diet" (I hate that word). It's so frustrating because even though I know it's wrong, every single time they say that, in the back of my head I get a little voice going "Maybe you don't need to lose weight" then I start the self hate cycle. No, no I know I need to. I'm unhealthy and nothing fits. Ugh, how did I let myself get like this? It's ridiculous! Oh my god I'm so depressed I just want to eat a huge bowl of brownie batter. OH MY GOD THAT'S HOW I GOT THIS WAY TO BEGIN WITH GOD SHOW SOME SELF CONTROL.

It's terrible. I went to Kohls yesterday to get some new business casual clothes. I used to wear a 13, but occasionally depending on where they sat on my hips, a 15. Not even the 16's in the Misses department fit. I didn't get a thing. Eff that. I'm not going to let myself think it's ok to be like this. It isn't. It isn't healthy for me. My current clothes have "grown with me", you guys know what I'm talking about. And if it means that I'm miserable for a while because I can only wear like, 5 things? That's what happens. Maybe it'll motivate me to actually get off my backside.

I guess the point of this post is that at this point, I don't care what anyone else thinks anymore. I don't. And I'm pretty sure that today is the day I will snap if I hear some little adage about a scale being "just a scale". Sure, for 5-10 pounds, maybe. 30? Are you blind? I'm not a big girl to begin with, at all. You're telling me you can't see a 30 pound gain? Ridiculous.

I'm taking control of my life at this point, no matter what anyone else says. My husband has taken to running with me, but that's about the support I get unless I start crying and he has to actually see what I go through. But even then it's fleeting because he's asking me if I want KFC the next day. It's as if I have opposition every way I turn. And it sucks. And it's probably going to suck the entire time I do this until I get to my goal weight. I think I really need to start journaling, because if I keep posts up like this you guys are going to get tired of me! I'm just so frustrated I needed to let most of it out

Thanks for listening everyone, I hope I don't sound too whiney :x

SueHerm · June 2011

Okay, first you don't sound at all whiney, you do sound kinda upset. And that's motivating, so good for you. But it really sounds like your family is trying to be supportive, and maybe they are worried that you'll do some crazy and unsafe dieting if they acknowledge your gain.

Have you tried setting down with them individually, at a time when you are feeling calm and in control, and explaining that you are overweight and are doing something healthy about it and then give them specific ways to support you. ie: don't offer me rich desserts, have diet sods (if you drink that) or ice water for me to drink rather than margueritas, or whatever you need them to do or not do. Avoid the word "diet", it scares a lot of people, "healthy lifestyle" is more reassuring to people who love you. Then if they forget you can just remind them "healthy lifestyle".

If they still refuse to see that you need to make some changes, then they may be dealing with their own health and weight issues and don't want to see your issues because then they would have to face their own. Or they may not want to see you succeed. But the answer is the same, you just hold to the course.

For awhile, until everyone gets it, you have to be the strong one. I see from your signature that you quit smoking. If you can do that you are strong beyond belief, so you can stay strong on your weight loss journey, too.

bms34b · June 2011

First of all, good for you for doing what you know needs to be done! Agreed that quitting smoking takes incredible strength, and you CAN lose the weight!!

Family discussions about weight can be tricky. I know in my family there are definitely some sensitivities to talking about it, and I think some of those stem from their insecurities. The earlier post says that maybe they don't want to acknowledge your weight journey because then they'd have to face their own, as well; and I couldn't agree more. Sometimes people are weird about that, which is a total bummer. But don't let it get you down! You're strong and you know what to do.

Good luck with everything!! You can do this!!

MrsFarrow · June 2011

I think a lot of it comes from my mother. HER mother, my grandmother, was big for saying spiteful crap like "Looks like you've put on some weight" (not that that's nasty, but the way she said it? She's rude). So she probably thinks if anyone affirms that I've gained, I'm going to fly off the handle and stop eating altogether. I'm stable, which is probably what also offends me a little. Sure, I cry. Not a lot, but in instances like that, when I go shopping and NOTHING fits right? Oh yeah, yeah I'm going to go home and cry my eyeballs out. Is that unstable? No.

I think I will have to sit down with everyone and just lay it out. Not today though, today is not the day.

EmmaR31 · June 2011

You don't sound whiney at all! You sound honest and authentic to how YOU are feeling and that should be your guideline. My mom also tells me I look great no matter what, and yes it's fantastic to have unconditional love but it doesn't change reality.

You deserve to be the best person you can be and yes it would be great if you could get support at home but that's also what we are here for, so feel free to vent anytime!

You are doing great, you've made a decision to change your life and you're DOING it, one day at time.

Keep strong girl!

codyraye · June 2011

You don't sound whiny to me at all and I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. I've told everyone what I'm doing and even though I've got more than 100 pounds to lose...I hear the same things. Don't worry about the number, just try...I think they are trying to be supportive while telling you not to be too hard on yourself when you see that number isn't moving.

Getting offered food you don't want (or do want but shouldn't eat) by someone who should be motivating you is hard. I weight 150 pounds more than my husband, and I"ve been big my whole entire life. He just doesn't get it. Because he can eat KFC for dinner and it'll not matter the next time he weighs in, he'll still be the same. Me, I eat it and the following week I've gained 5 pounds. Its not easy when those we are around all the time don't understand where we are coming from. Keep being strong and saying no. Its hard to do but, for me, I always feel really really great about myself when I don't let their offers for food defeat me.

Its good to post things like this that you may be worried about because, as you can see, almost everyone has "been there and done that" so to speak. You're doing great. And the most important thing is that you feel good in your own skin. Keep moving forward and have a positive attitude. Think, will this brownie batter make me feel better? Maybe yes while you're eating it because its something you can easily control and, lets face it, tastes good. But the next day, the next weigh in, whatever...you'll be regretting it.

You'll get through all of this and when your family sees how amazing you look when you reach your goal...you'll be able to smile and know that you did what was right for YOU regardless of what everyone else was telling you.

Post whenever you need to

. Its healthy. Just like everything else you're doing.

A Wake Up Call

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