Weight loss while marriage is falling apart.
amyvanblaricom
Posts: 62 Member
I started this journey for me an my family. I needed to be healthier and feel better about the way I looked. Not far into it I found out my husband had been in an emotional affair with another woman. He stopped all contact with her and things continued to be rocky. Finally things started getting better and he started talking to her non stop again. I asked him where we stood and he said we were fine but I kept bugging because how can we be fine but he have another woman on the side. He finally started talking and telling me he wanted a Polygamous relationship. He wants me but wants to keep her. I told him it has to be one or the other. Even for a poly relationship lines have been crossed it need be truthful and be able to have trust. Everything in me is against it but he is the love of my life. It hurts knowing I have a chance to keep him but my heart would constantly be broken. He even admitted he isn't sure which he will choose. The stress has caused me to be sick and drop weight even quicker than before. In the 3 days he's told me about this I have lost 5 pounds. I am so emotional and having a hard time. I cant find anything butt bitterness in my heart towards this woman that is tearing my family apart. I want him more than anything.. The only thing I've had positive lately to focus on is weight loss and its been very successful but its not enough to focus on anymore. How do you all handle stress and find a healthy way to handle heart break?
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Exercise. At least, for me. It takes my mind off of everything and I don't have to think about anything stressful.0
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When my marriage fell apart (I was much younger then), I started running. It was a great way to burn calories and frustration and anger. Everybody has to find their own thing....0
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First of all, don't give him the chance to make a choice. YOU make the choice and remove yourself from the relationship. There is no way in hell I'd be letting him dictate my life and marriage.
Secondly, start lifting weights. There's nothing better than picking up/putting down heavy schit when you're angry.0 -
Give him a time limit to decide, then you can move on one way or the other?0
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@amyvanblaricom this is a breach of marital trust. You are a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you stay in this relationship, it has to be with the understanding that you will always be a part of a love triangle. Only you know If you can do this.
Sometimes we need to lose what we love to realize that what we loved, never really loved us.0 -
gonzalesvikki wrote: »@amyvanblaricom this is a breach of marital trust. You are a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you stay in this relationship, it has to be with the understanding that you will always be a part of a love triangle. Only you know If you can do this.
Sometimes we need to lose what we love to realize that what we loved, never really loved us.
I second this, and personally I would never tolerate what your going through. I would drop him in a heartbeat. But that's just me, your decision is YOURS. I do not think its fair for you to be in a relationship with someone that doesnt have decency and respect for you though. You are beautiful, and i would never understand his decision to be emotionally invested in someone else. And if you decide to stay and work things out, i hope he comes to his senses and gives you 110% more than what you ask of him.0 -
Define "Emotional affair"0
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What better self satisfaction than to know that you took control of your life and determined your own destiny? Think about you. Think about what you want. Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever. Yoga is great soul restorer. Try some new things and start worrying about just you.0
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CircumcisedCokeCan wrote: »sounds like he's made his decision. if you really don't think you'll ever be able to accept it and find happiness, then you should prob get out now.
personally, having been in a similar situation before, i can't say anything ever really helps handle heartbreak other than time. you can fill the hours all the ways you want but if you're the sort of person who dwells, then you're going to dwell no matter what.
I agree with this, Heartbreaks are like drunkenness/hangovers, only time will make you feel better.0 -
Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »Define "Emotional affair"
This^^0 -
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Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »Define "Emotional affair"
She cam first and only thing left for us was a physical relationship. I was pretty well ignored and he did everything with her but take her on dates and have sex with her.
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I would think talking to a therapist would be in order! I had this happen with my first marriage, and they helped so much.. granted I divorced him( yes we had kids) but I learned about myself and knowing how to set boundaries.. When I look back, I wouldn't change a thing. Sacrificing my health/happiness is not something I would do to stay with someone that did not share the same values as I did.
Best of luck... oh yeah I started running during that time. It helped a lot.0 -
This sounds like a very difficult situation and I can relate. I tried everything to save my marriage, including giving up my dignity and my illusion of power. Nothing helped. She wasn't willing to make any sacrifices or compromise. Finally, I decided that living as a doormat was killing my soul and setting a terrible example for my son, so I left. It was the toughest (and best) decision I ever made. It took me a good year before I really started to heal, but I did. One good thing about the whole situation is that I lost like 30 lbs!. . I've been fighting to keep it off ever since. .but it was a nice place for a new start!0
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Hi Amy, I am so sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time with your husband. These things are never easy and while I agree with a lot of what has been posted, the steps you take in your relationship and how you choose to proceed are up to you. Have you thought about marital therapy? You are a strong woman who deserves to have her needs met as much as your husband does. Finding common ground and a path through the darkness is something that a therapist might be able to help with. I hope that you are able to find peace and happiness again and I absolutely second that exercise is a great way to release pent up emotion.0
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I'd suggest leaning on friends, and getting a punch bag.0
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i suggest banging all his hot friends
and working out more0 -
Girl, get right and then ✌0
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I like your thinking lolsalembambi wrote: »i suggest banging all his hot friends
and working out more
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amyvanblaricom wrote: »I cant find anything butt bitterness in my heart towards this woman that is tearing my family apart.
What everyone else said... but also... "this woman" is the not the one tearing your family apart - she is with a man she thinks she is in love with. Probably doesnt give you much thought. The one tearing your family apart is your husband. Wouldnt even be possible if he didnt let it. Put the blame squarely where it belongs. She doesnt have to be your favorite person, but honestly if it was not her it would be someone else. People cheat for lots of reasons, usually because they are seeking something they are missing. If they dont find it in one person, they will keep looking. (other reasons for cheating too - including just horny, but since he carried on with her without physical relationship, probably not why for him). You should not give her another thought - any anger you have or hostile feelings belong right at your husband.
And I second what someone else said about taking the choice for him. Think about this for a second... If a girlfriend of yours, someone you have been friends with a long time and feel like you are lifelong friends, came to you one day and said "I have too many friends and need to cut some out. I am not sure if I want to keep being friends with you, but I will be making my decision this weekend and will let you know" -- would you honestly sit on pins and needles hoping you "win"? Seriously? I dont want to be with someone - especially a husband -- who has to make a conscious decision on whether they want me in their life or not. I want to be with someone who cannot imagine their life without me - there should be no decision to make. If it were me, I would make the decision easy for him - by taking away the choice. Choice is power. You are letting him have all the power of this "decision". Yes it will hurt, but the best way to hurt someone back (my little revenge) is to make them think it doesnt hurt you. Maybe childish, but makes me feel better . Nothing worse than leaving him wondering if you ever cared anyway. That will hurt him a bit. Then you go mourn and cry and hash it out in private (or with better friends).
Anyway, I feel bad for you, and hope it turns out like you want. But choice is power, and you have just as much as he does - make YOUR choice, dont wait for him to make his.
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_dracarys_ wrote: »First of all, don't give him the chance to make a choice. YOU make the choice and remove yourself from the relationship. There is no way in hell I'd be letting him dictate my life and marriage.
Secondly, start lifting weights. There's nothing better than picking up/putting down heavy schit when you're angry.
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I agree! I had this same thing but mine went beyond emotional. I found a man years later that was my one true love. Don't let him control your life. He isn't the guy you want, move on even though it's really tough. I started walking while listening to headphones and it helped me get it off my mind. Get a busy to work out with. Hugs and prayers0
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First of all dump him. If he has to think about it then hes a jerk. Also whenever something terrible happens u just have to go straight through it. Be sad and stay busy but not so busy u burn out. Process what happened and move on. Hes already made vows to u and not her so the decision should be automatic. You are far too beautiful to be sad about him0
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I gave him a week to decide. I told him I want an answer by the end of the day. So far he told me he chooses both. So I guess I have to make the choice. I have to listen to my heart or stay in constant heart ache. Its not fair I have to deal with this but all comment have helped me know I am making the right choice no matter how conflicting my feelings are.0
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If he chooses both that means he is childish, selfish and not very kind. I wouldn't make a big scene, I'd just tell him that you can't be part of that kind of relationship and you wish him well. Walk out with your head held high and do the best you can to be happy and healthy. You have a long life ahead of you and the world is full of awesome guys who might actually put you first! Good luck!0
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He sounds like a fool. Dump him!0
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If he chose both he didn't choose you. What is the next thing you want to give in on?
I know that sounds harsh, but he wants to have it all and he wants you to make the sacrifices. I know marriage isn't a 50-50 thing, but there comes a point where it is fair to ask the other person to step up or get out.0 -
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amyvanblaricom wrote: »I gave him a week to decide. I told him I want an answer by the end of the day. So far he told me he chooses both. So I guess I have to make the choice. I have to listen to my heart or stay in constant heart ache. Its not fair I have to deal with this but all comment have helped me know I am making the right choice no matter how conflicting my feelings are.
It's going to hurt like crazy now, but there will come a time when you'll look back and wonder why you didn't leave sooner. Good luck to you.0
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