Weight loss while marriage is falling apart.

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amyvanblaricom
amyvanblaricom Posts: 62 Member
in Chit-Chat
I started this journey for me an my family. I needed to be healthier and feel better about the way I looked. Not far into it I found out my husband had been in an emotional affair with another woman. He stopped all contact with her and things continued to be rocky. Finally things started getting better and he started talking to her non stop again. I asked him where we stood and he said we were fine but I kept bugging because how can we be fine but he have another woman on the side. He finally started talking and telling me he wanted a Polygamous relationship. He wants me but wants to keep her. I told him it has to be one or the other. Even for a poly relationship lines have been crossed it need be truthful and be able to have trust. Everything in me is against it but he is the love of my life. It hurts knowing I have a chance to keep him but my heart would constantly be broken. He even admitted he isn't sure which he will choose. The stress has caused me to be sick and drop weight even quicker than before. In the 3 days he's told me about this I have lost 5 pounds. I am so emotional and having a hard time. I cant find anything butt bitterness in my heart towards this woman that is tearing my family apart. I want him more than anything.. The only thing I've had positive lately to focus on is weight loss and its been very successful but its not enough to focus on anymore. How do you all handle stress and find a healthy way to handle heart break?
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Replies

  • catsrule308
    catsrule308 Posts: 24 Member
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    Exercise. At least, for me. It takes my mind off of everything and I don't have to think about anything stressful.
  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,137 Member
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    When my marriage fell apart (I was much younger then), I started running. It was a great way to burn calories and frustration and anger. Everybody has to find their own thing....
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    edited February 2016
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    First of all, don't give him the chance to make a choice. YOU make the choice and remove yourself from the relationship. There is no way in hell I'd be letting him dictate my life and marriage.

    Secondly, start lifting weights. There's nothing better than picking up/putting down heavy schit when you're angry.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Give him a time limit to decide, then you can move on one way or the other?
  • Wonderwomanvik
    Wonderwomanvik Posts: 2,932 Member
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    @amyvanblaricom this is a breach of marital trust. You are a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you stay in this relationship, it has to be with the understanding that you will always be a part of a love triangle. Only you know If you can do this.
    Sometimes we need to lose what we love to realize that what we loved, never really loved us.
  • sabrinasmith7
    sabrinasmith7 Posts: 583 Member
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    gonzalesvikki wrote: »
    @amyvanblaricom this is a breach of marital trust. You are a beautiful woman and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you stay in this relationship, it has to be with the understanding that you will always be a part of a love triangle. Only you know If you can do this.
    Sometimes we need to lose what we love to realize that what we loved, never really loved us.

    I second this, and personally I would never tolerate what your going through. I would drop him in a heartbeat. But that's just me, your decision is YOURS. I do not think its fair for you to be in a relationship with someone that doesnt have decency and respect for you though. You are beautiful, and i would never understand his decision to be emotionally invested in someone else. And if you decide to stay and work things out, i hope he comes to his senses and gives you 110% more than what you ask of him.
  • Hey_Its_That_One_Guy
    Hey_Its_That_One_Guy Posts: 21,768 Member
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    Define "Emotional affair"
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
    edited February 2016
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    What better self satisfaction than to know that you took control of your life and determined your own destiny? Think about you. Think about what you want. Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever. Yoga is great soul restorer. Try some new things and start worrying about just you.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    CircumcisedCokeCan wrote: »
    sounds like he's made his decision. if you really don't think you'll ever be able to accept it and find happiness, then you should prob get out now.
    personally, having been in a similar situation before, i can't say anything ever really helps handle heartbreak other than time. you can fill the hours all the ways you want but if you're the sort of person who dwells, then you're going to dwell no matter what.

    I agree with this, Heartbreaks are like drunkenness/hangovers, only time will make you feel better.
  • LindsayB072
    LindsayB072 Posts: 399 Member
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    Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »
    Define "Emotional affair"

    This^^
  • amyvanblaricom
    amyvanblaricom Posts: 62 Member
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    Hey_Its_That_One_Guy wrote: »
    Define "Emotional affair"

    She cam first and only thing left for us was a physical relationship. I was pretty well ignored and he did everything with her but take her on dates and have sex with her.
  • amandabullock120
    amandabullock120 Posts: 110 Member
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    I would think talking to a therapist would be in order! I had this happen with my first marriage, and they helped so much.. granted I divorced him( yes we had kids) but I learned about myself and knowing how to set boundaries.. When I look back, I wouldn't change a thing. Sacrificing my health/happiness is not something I would do to stay with someone that did not share the same values as I did.
    Best of luck... oh yeah I started running during that time. It helped a lot.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    This sounds like a very difficult situation and I can relate. I tried everything to save my marriage, including giving up my dignity and my illusion of power. Nothing helped. She wasn't willing to make any sacrifices or compromise. Finally, I decided that living as a doormat was killing my soul and setting a terrible example for my son, so I left. It was the toughest (and best) decision I ever made. It took me a good year before I really started to heal, but I did. One good thing about the whole situation is that I lost like 30 lbs!. . I've been fighting to keep it off ever since. .but it was a nice place for a new start!
  • LSkuba
    LSkuba Posts: 6 Member
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    Hi Amy, I am so sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time with your husband. These things are never easy and while I agree with a lot of what has been posted, the steps you take in your relationship and how you choose to proceed are up to you. Have you thought about marital therapy? You are a strong woman who deserves to have her needs met as much as your husband does. Finding common ground and a path through the darkness is something that a therapist might be able to help with. I hope that you are able to find peace and happiness again and I absolutely second that exercise is a great way to release pent up emotion.
  • hgallagher7
    hgallagher7 Posts: 7 Member
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    I'd suggest leaning on friends, and getting a punch bag.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    i suggest banging all his hot friends

    and working out more
  • LCbaby0x
    LCbaby0x Posts: 290 Member
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    Girl, get right and then ✌
  • LCbaby0x
    LCbaby0x Posts: 290 Member
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    salembambi wrote: »
    i suggest banging all his hot friends

    and working out more
    I like your thinking lol

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