Serious question men...

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  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    AlanahBeez wrote: »
    These are awesome answers and I love them! :) I hate to go down this route.. But I'm also wondering as far as sexual attraction as well? I mean, doesn't it help to actually be attracted to the one your with??

    I think for most people that sexual attraction is a key component in a relationship.

    What being in shape does is simply increase the pool of potential partners (whoa, alliteration overload) that will find you attractive. Being out of shape is not a bar to finding someone who finds you sexually attractive of course as different people like different things but it does increase the odds of finding someone who is in to you.

    It's what's on the inside which ultimately counts but I would prefer to make things easier for myself rather than harder.
  • OrganicRider
    OrganicRider Posts: 3 Member
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    AlanahBeez wrote: »
    These are awesome answers and I love them! :) I hate to go down this route.. But I'm also wondering as far as sexual attraction as well? I mean, doesn't it help to actually be attracted to the one your with??

    Finding someone that you have things in common with helps A LOT in this area. I have a HUGE variety of "things I like to do" so its pretty easy to find things my wife can do with me. Exercising and cycling, I like to do with my friends. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my wife, but alone time or time with my friends is just as important to me.

    Just as I have things in common with my wife, I find other things to have in common with my friends. When you have almost endless energy, its hard to find people that can keep up with you :wink:
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    AlanahBeez wrote: »
    These are awesome answers and I love them! :) I hate to go down this route.. But I'm also wondering as far as sexual attraction as well? I mean, doesn't it help to actually be attracted to the one your with??

    There's more to attraction than looks.
  • _EPIC_
    _EPIC_ Posts: 611 Member
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    What shape are we talking about, when we say "in shape"

    I mean round is a shape. Do you hate "round" ?

    Oh. I see. Young people problems. Carrying on.
  • melindamaejones
    melindamaejones Posts: 8 Member
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    I am so far out of shape and know that my husband loves me regardless but I also know he wants me happy and healthy so I don't believe it's all about weight but I know it helps because when I notice changes in him from his hard labor job making his muscles grow quite rapidly I get happy for him so I can only think it is the same on the other end.
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
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    Well, I would have some preference to athletic body types, but attraction is about far more than appearance. Appearance might be the first impression I have, but there's tons of room for attraction to grow or wither based on interactions.
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
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    AlanahBeez wrote: »
    These are awesome answers and I love them! :) I hate to go down this route.. But I'm also wondering as far as sexual attraction as well? I mean, doesn't it help to actually be attracted to the one your with??

    Sure, because nobody is ever attracted to larger people....
  • jaycich
    jaycich Posts: 44 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
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    jaycich wrote: »
    Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

    I think that only answers the question of initial attraction. Attraction isn't unchanging. I've met people I've initially found quite attractive and later completely reversed that opinion, and others that initially weren't attractive to me but we hit it off and I came to find them very attractive.
  • DWBalboa
    DWBalboa Posts: 37,239 Member
    edited February 2016
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    So my man card was renewed for yet another year, as if that was ever in question!

    So I can’t speak for all men but I can speak for me. I have dated women of every shape and size from short to tall, thin to well let us just say not so thin. I personally have never put too much stock in a woman’s shape as much as I valued them for their inner beauty.

    What can I say I just like women regardless of the shape, granted I like the curve ratio to be there but that in itself is not a showstopper for me. I just really like women that have like interest and values as mine. Did I mention that I just really like women?

    To add; my wife is nowhere in as good of shape as I am and she well let us just say she is not in the same shape as when we first met but my love for her is stronger than ever as is my attraction to her. If one truly values the person than that is all that will ever matter.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,876 Member
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    rankinsect wrote: »
    jaycich wrote: »
    Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

    I think that only answers the question of initial attraction. Attraction isn't unchanging. I've met people I've initially found quite attractive and later completely reversed that opinion, and others that initially weren't attractive to me but we hit it off and I came to find them very attractive.

    Truth
  • _John_
    _John_ Posts: 8,642 Member
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    I think in general, how you fit in each other's lives is more important than a "fit vs. not so fit" black and white line.

    If fitness works into your lives, then of course that's preferred. If fitness causes a huge strain in the relationship either with time or "unintended" effects, then doing "too much" (whatever your personal "too much" is) is not healthy if the priority is to maintain the relationship.

  • RealRelicVa
    RealRelicVa Posts: 34 Member
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    When you see a woman's before and after pics, Im that guy who is more likely to prefer the before pic :p . That being said, confidence and femininity is way more important that being 100% in shape. I do like a woman that enjoys working out.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    I've been with my share of guys (both as a larger woman and smaller) and at least from my perspective.... it really DOESN'T matter - at least not in the way you may think it does.

    what does matter is compatibility in activities - whatever they may be - and other interests outside of intimacy.

    rankinsect wrote: »
    jaycich wrote: »
    Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

    I think that only answers the question of initial attraction. Attraction isn't unchanging. I've met people I've initially found quite attractive and later completely reversed that opinion, and others that initially weren't attractive to me but we hit it off and I came to find them very attractive.

    exactly ..... i can look at pics and pick and choose who i think is cute, but it means NOTHING in terms of actual chemistry or compatibility.
  • T0M_K
    T0M_K Posts: 7,526 Member
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    I personally believe that the condition of her body is her choice. However, as we get healthy we have the opportunity to do more together as typically energy levels increase and we just generally feel more like being "out there" among the living living life. For my personal situation, my wife wants to lose so I encourage that and help nudge her in that direction not because i'm selfish but because its a struggle for her to stay motivated and i wish to help her in this matter as well as every other matter that is important to her in the life we live together. I can't tell you how much, if you approach love selflessly, more your love deepens over the years. Its not easy and at any point its easy to bail and throw in the towel, but love that stands the test of time becomes sweeter and sweeter as the years together pass by. YMMV :smiley:
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
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    This is a tricky question. Attraction is important, especially at first. But there are sooo many variables that go into it; personality, confidence, common interests, values, sense of humor, etc... (I have dated some girls that were heavy but had a ton of confidence, and declined others that were thin that had no confidence. Confidence played a role.) I have been married now for almost twelve years now. And yes we both put on weight, and at her heaviest I think the sexual attraction got faint, but I think there were a lot of factors, such as self loathing, self pity and no confidence at the time played a role. I have lost a lot of it, and she lost some of it. Yes, I would like her to be more active. I wish she would do more things together, but she at least supports me. So to answer your question it is impossible to say, at first maybe it is a 6 or 7, later in life it probably drops a little, but there is so much that goes into attraction it is hard to quantify.
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
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    Being "in shape" doesn't mean a whole lot.

    I live in a city where a lot of people don't own a car and walk everywhere. Some are even on their feet most of their work shift. Some ride bikes, not for exercise, but as a means of transportation. Living an active lifestyle is critical and gym memberships, fitbits, apps, detox cleanses, bright clothing are not a requirement for being a healthy and active human being.

    I spend maybe 3-4 hours a week working out. That's cool if my partner does the same but what are we gonna do after that? Who says I even want to work out with you, boo boo? That's cool if my partner is outdoorsy like me but what are we gonna talk about on our hikes? There's not gonna be much time for talking when we're running, cycling, doing yoga. Heck, for most people that I know this is their "me" time.

    At the end of the day you want someone you can have long conversations with, eat good food with, go to a show with, etc. Being "in shape" by Instagram's definition doesn't really go a long way. Am I supposed to stare at you for 5 hours a day to be in love? Heck, we have to wear clothes when we go out anyway.

    As far as sexual attraction, no man is going to kick Christina Hendricks or Taylor Swift out of bed for eating crackers. Two different body types yet sexually appetizing in their own right. The majority of men will even go curvier than the former and skinnier than the latter, and EVERYWHERE in between. We don't care bro.

    But that's sex for ya. You're kind of asking two different questions here.
  • jasmineruth
    jasmineruth Posts: 88 Member
    edited February 2016
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    I'm just going to say, my wonderful, super awesome husband has loved me and told me I was beautiful, sexy etc at my heaviest and my thinnest and I feel the same about him. I don't know if that is the norm, but we are just committed to loving each other and have just as awesome of a connection. We both encourage each other to have healthy habits. But, I am confident he is attracted to me at a larger size and I'm attracted to him however he is as well. There are men and women out there who will take you as you are. Health is something great to do for yourself, but there are guys out there who I'm sure you could click with as you are.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
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    I have a tendency to pick "curvy" women for my long term relationships. I want some good company.

    I did date a "hot" woman once. When I found out what she did to get/stay that way it was a total turn off. She was so selfish about her needs that nothing else mattered. "Don't look at me with my glasses on.", "We're going to THIS restaurant.", "We're leaving NOW.", "I don't care where you want to go, I'm done."
  • CasperNaegle
    CasperNaegle Posts: 936 Member
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    physical attraction is important for both parties. You need to want and desire the person. It takes much more than a sexy body to build a relationship on, but let's face it you need to be sexually attracted to your mate. That means different things to different people. My fiancé and I both enjoy workout out and trying to sexy for each other as well as ourselves.

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