Serious question men...

So on a scale of 1-10, how important is it in your opinion for your significant other to be in shape? Explain?
(This has never been a personal problem for me, But I know men are visual creatures and I'm just curious how much it actually matters, HONESTLY)

Replies

cwolfman13

rankinsect wrote: »

jaycich wrote: »

Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

I think that only answers the question of initial attraction. Attraction isn't unchanging. I've met people I've initially found quite attractive and later completely reversed that opinion, and others that initially weren't attractive to me but we hit it off and I came to find them very attractive.

Truth

_John_

I think in general, how you fit in each other's lives is more important than a "fit vs. not so fit" black and white line.

If fitness works into your lives, then of course that's preferred. If fitness causes a huge strain in the relationship either with time or "unintended" effects, then doing "too much" (whatever your personal "too much" is) is not healthy if the priority is to maintain the relationship.

RealRelicVa

When you see a woman's before and after pics, Im that guy who is more likely to prefer the before pic

. That being said, confidence and femininity is way more important that being 100% in shape. I do like a woman that enjoys working out.

callsitlikeiseeit

I've been with my share of guys (both as a larger woman and smaller) and at least from my perspective.... it really DOESN'T matter - at least not in the way you may think it does.

what does matter is compatibility in activities - whatever they may be - and other interests outside of intimacy.

rankinsect wrote: »

jaycich wrote: »

Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

I think that only answers the question of initial attraction. Attraction isn't unchanging. I've met people I've initially found quite attractive and later completely reversed that opinion, and others that initially weren't attractive to me but we hit it off and I came to find them very attractive.

exactly ..... i can look at pics and pick and choose who i think is cute, but it means NOTHING in terms of actual chemistry or compatibility.

T0M_K

I personally believe that the condition of her body is her choice. However, as we get healthy we have the opportunity to do more together as typically energy levels increase and we just generally feel more like being "out there" among the living living life. For my personal situation, my wife wants to lose so I encourage that and help nudge her in that direction not because i'm selfish but because its a struggle for her to stay motivated and i wish to help her in this matter as well as every other matter that is important to her in the life we live together. I can't tell you how much, if you approach love selflessly, more your love deepens over the years. Its not easy and at any point its easy to bail and throw in the towel, but love that stands the test of time becomes sweeter and sweeter as the years together pass by. YMMV

Soccermavrick

This is a tricky question. Attraction is important, especially at first. But there are sooo many variables that go into it; personality, confidence, common interests, values, sense of humor, etc... (I have dated some girls that were heavy but had a ton of confidence, and declined others that were thin that had no confidence. Confidence played a role.) I have been married now for almost twelve years now. And yes we both put on weight, and at her heaviest I think the sexual attraction got faint, but I think there were a lot of factors, such as self loathing, self pity and no confidence at the time played a role. I have lost a lot of it, and she lost some of it. Yes, I would like her to be more active. I wish she would do more things together, but she at least supports me. So to answer your question it is impossible to say, at first maybe it is a 6 or 7, later in life it probably drops a little, but there is so much that goes into attraction it is hard to quantify.

ClubSilencio

Being "in shape" doesn't mean a whole lot.

I live in a city where a lot of people don't own a car and walk everywhere. Some are even on their feet most of their work shift. Some ride bikes, not for exercise, but as a means of transportation. Living an active lifestyle is critical and gym memberships, fitbits, apps, detox cleanses, bright clothing are not a requirement for being a healthy and active human being.

I spend maybe 3-4 hours a week working out. That's cool if my partner does the same but what are we gonna do after that? Who says I even want to work out with you, boo boo? That's cool if my partner is outdoorsy like me but what are we gonna talk about on our hikes? There's not gonna be much time for talking when we're running, cycling, doing yoga. Heck, for most people that I know this is their "me" time.

At the end of the day you want someone you can have long conversations with, eat good food with, go to a show with, etc. Being "in shape" by Instagram's definition doesn't really go a long way. Am I supposed to stare at you for 5 hours a day to be in love? Heck, we have to wear clothes when we go out anyway.

As far as sexual attraction, no man is going to kick Christina Hendricks or Taylor Swift out of bed for eating crackers. Two different body types yet sexually appetizing in their own right. The majority of men will even go curvier than the former and skinnier than the latter, and EVERYWHERE in between. We don't care bro.

But that's sex for ya. You're kind of asking two different questions here.

jasmineruth

I'm just going to say, my wonderful, super awesome husband has loved me and told me I was beautiful, sexy etc at my heaviest and my thinnest and I feel the same about him. I don't know if that is the norm, but we are just committed to loving each other and have just as awesome of a connection. We both encourage each other to have healthy habits. But, I am confident he is attracted to me at a larger size and I'm attracted to him however he is as well. There are men and women out there who will take you as you are. Health is something great to do for yourself, but there are guys out there who I'm sure you could click with as you are.

Mavrick_RN

I have a tendency to pick "curvy" women for my long term relationships. I want some good company.

I did date a "hot" woman once. When I found out what she did to get/stay that way it was a total turn off. She was so selfish about her needs that nothing else mattered. "Don't look at me with my glasses on.", "We're going to THIS restaurant.", "We're leaving NOW.", "I don't care where you want to go, I'm done."

CasperNaegle

physical attraction is important for both parties. You need to want and desire the person. It takes much more than a sexy body to build a relationship on, but let's face it you need to be sexually attracted to your mate. That means different things to different people. My fiancé and I both enjoy workout out and trying to sexy for each other as well as ourselves.

MiloBloom83

My initial attraction is almost always physical. That said, there is way more to it after that initial spark. Personality along with common interests become much more important over time than a pretty face with perky boobs. A 10 with an un-bearable personality quickly becomes a 5. And a 7 that makes you laugh and will do things with you that you love to do can become a 12.

Ian_Davies

Honestly 8+ but it is only one aspect and the number is not for the reasons the stereotype might think though. Like others have said its only one part of attraction. 'In shape' to me means something very different than 'hottest person in the room'

My reasoning:
1. I have chosen to live a healthy life style, i am in shape but getting into better shape. That lifestyle is important to me and so I would want someone that hasn't just chosen that life but is living it. I think Joshua said it well...takeaways every other night just won't work out...

2. I recognise I am visual and there has to be a chemistry on that level, although as i said its only one element to attraction. If you're not attracted to the one you're with then that could mean they are really just a friend!...I think everyones had a 'we are so close and you're my best friend but i'm just not attracted to you...' moment. For me being 'in shape' is an attractive quality...but that could be defined in very different ways...a female weight lifter with 12% body fat is in great shape...but thats not attractive to me...thats the great thing about life everyone has different qualities and to quote friends...omg i can't believe i am...

What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.

And the other half of the coin...there is an interesting study that proves that when a woman walks into a room she will decide who is an acceptable 'mate' within 15 seconds based on a set of criteria.

Ibeachlover

As a guy, if I don't know the woman, then being visually attracted to her is a critical initial factor in deciding if I approach her. Then, for me, yes, a woman whom is in reasonably good shape is what attracts me. However, if I "know" the person, and they have a happy, friendly personality, and / or impress me with their intelligence, that is even more important to me. However, from an ongoing relationship standpoint, I do look for someone whom takes care of themselves, even if that doesn't mean they look "in shape". Ultimately, to your last question, yes, you have to be physically as well as emotionally attracted to someone, in my opinion, to have a good sex life.

6502programmer

Different guys have different things they find to be attractive to them, so it can't be generalized. Also, unless you have the emotional depth of a sidewalk puddle, that initial attraction can only carry for an evening or two. The sexiest thing about my wife is between her ears, and it's not her eyes or her smile.

azulvioleta6

jaycich wrote: »

Make 2 dating profiles, one of yourself, the other of an overweight girl. See how many messages you get and how many she gets. There's your answer.

Even fat, I am attractive enough to not have ever needed to use online dating.

People are attractive if they are intelligent, creative, fun, interesting and 1000 other things. It isn't all about weight or looks. If you are thin and still can't find a date, you really need to do some soul searching.

lessismoreohio

Bbg340 wrote: »

It's just one variable in the equation
Be happy and smile. Thatll make u way more attractive than eating 1200 calories a day

This. Very well stated by Bbg340.

peachyfuzzle

Personally, it matters less in a significant other than it does for a fling.

I'd say that it is somewhere around a 6.5 for a significant other. Being absolutely out of shape is a dealbreaker for me, but I wouldn't require someone to be an ultra-marathoning triathlete either. I tend to go for girls who care just enough about their physiology to not be vain, but can also sit around, and binge watch seasons of whatever during free time.

As for flings, not that I have been searching them out for a few years, that number goes up to probably an 8. I have a preference for either petite women, or very tall lanky girls, so that's what I search out if I'm not looking to build anything longterm with them.