Where is the boundary between unwanted advice and concern?

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  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    If he brought it up I would probably mention what I believed re: healthy eating without in any way judging or analyzing his diet or suggesting he needs therapy. I might mention some good healthy eating web pages I like to reference without suggesting that he needs to follow suit. It's really not your place to save him.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Mind your own business. If he is that fanatical about it, I doubt that he would listen. It is said, but you cannot control adults. Plus all of his "research" would be in favor of his plan.
  • robingmurphy
    robingmurphy Posts: 349 Member
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    I think I'd ask him if he's talked to a doctor or nutritionist about whether this is a wise approach and what weight he should be targeting, and encourage him to do so if he hasn't.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    If you believe that what he is doing is endangering his health and life and he is talking to you about it then I think you should tell him your concerns and suggest he run his plan by his doctor and a dietician. He may not be convinced but maybe he will think it over. At least he might stop telling you about it knowing how you feel.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I say ask questions that make him think. How did you come to decide on those restrictions? Do you find yourself hungry? Do you really think it's something you can do long term? What goals are you trying to accomplish? Do you think this lifestyle is helping you do that? Try to interject things like, "You know if I tried to completely cut out sugar, I think I'd go nuts!!! That has to be really hard because most everything has some form of sugar." Don't hold back on things like seeing a dietician and making sure what he's doing is healthy, etc.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
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    Offer to point him in the direction of facts. This will leave him still feeling he's in control, as you aren't actually telling him what to do. If he says no, then ask him not to discuss it with you further and reinforce this every time he tries.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
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    robingmurphy wrote: »
    I think I'd ask him if he's talked to a doctor or nutritionist about whether this is a wise approach and what weight he should be targeting, and encourage him to do so if he hasn't.

    +1
    If he is as obsessive as he sounds, the suggestion that his eating habits might cause other health issues may catch his attention.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    If he's going on and on about what he's doing, why not go on and on about what you're doing. How much more energetic and stronger you feel, how much healthier you've been over the last year, that sort of thing. Not in a competitive or contradictory way, but enthusiastically and agreeing with him that balanced eating makes such a difference (without agreeing with his diet in any way).

    Sometimes people will take the info in without seeming to - especially when they start to feel crummy and are looking for a way to feel healthy again.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    stealthq wrote: »
    If he's going on and on about what he's doing, why not go on and on about what you're doing. How much more energetic and stronger you feel, how much healthier you've been over the last year, that sort of thing. Not in a competitive or contradictory way, but enthusiastically and agreeing with him that balanced eating makes such a difference (without agreeing with his diet in any way).

    Sometimes people will take the info in without seeming to - especially when they start to feel crummy and are looking for a way to feel healthy again.

    I agree with this
    Also If I had to listen to that all day long I would in the end have to say something as tactful as possible.
  • stephanie20314
    stephanie20314 Posts: 81 Member
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    Probably not going to be popular, but here goes. I wouldn't say anything and would put some distance in the relationship. You said you aren't close to him and he's displaying obsessive paranoid behavior while also potentially going through a divorce. Unless I'm super close to someone I back away from "abnormal behavior" not step into the line of fire.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 519 Member
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    That sounds like all of the signals for Orthorexia. My partner's cousin is just like that, she weighs about 100 pounds and she's 45. She's obsessed with organic, gluten free, vegan, raw foods and she's doing detoxes non stop. I found a "detox yourself skinny" tea on her house last time and I've tried bringing it up but she won't budge.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
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    stephanie20314 wrote: »
    Probably not going to be popular, but here goes. I wouldn't say anything and would put some distance in the relationship. You said you aren't close to him and he's displaying obsessive paranoid behavior while also potentially going through a divorce. Unless I'm super close to someone I back away from "abnormal behavior" not step into the line of fire.
    Thank you.

  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    unless he is a very close friend.... I wouldnt say anything directly. I might talk about how I've lost weight and kept it off, and how MY health is literally textbook perfect, but not tell him to change. He may take it to heart for future reference....

    now, my best friend is a guy and i will without a second thought tell him hes *kitten* up if i think he is. but weve known each other 20 some years ....
  • Q_Is_Poison
    Q_Is_Poison Posts: 203 Member
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    I think you are more annoyed that concerned. This is about you, not him. Leave him alone and work on your own issues.
  • Sarahb29
    Sarahb29 Posts: 952 Member
    edited February 2016
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    So he's eating a lot of green veggies, potatoes and grains and it's working for him? If he brings it up, ask him where he heard about it from. Maybe he watched a documentary and decided to try out the meal plan. Maybe he has valid points and he's not underweight. Maybe he eats certain meats, just not overly processed meat, there's some people who will only eat grass fed meat. Who knows? There's so many unknowns and you'll never know unless you ask him about it.

    I wouldn't bring it up myself though. Other than that just let him do his thing.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    The next time he brings the weight loss up, I'd say something like, "You look great--like you're at a healthy weight. I'm concerned if you keep losing you'll become too thin and unhealthy. Is this something your doctor is encouraging?" When he says no, you can add, "Please consider talking to your doctor about your way of eating and weight loss. You're a friend and someone I care about. I needed to say something." Then drop it unless he brings up your concerns again.

    Don't try to tell him he's wrong, that won't work. Just say what you're observing, in a caring way. Suggest he check in with his doc. You've planted a couple seeds--someone who didn't judge him (and his behaviors), who cares about him and encouraged him to see a medical professional.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
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    Q_Is_Poison wrote: »
    I think you are more annoyed that concerned. This is about you, not him. Leave him alone and work on your own issues.
    I agree.

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