Just needing to vent

sdineen
sdineen Posts: 5
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
Hello all,

I just need to vent.

I started my journey about a year ago weighing 308 pounds. Through hard work and dedication I have hit my goal and weigh less than 200 pounds for the first time since I was a teenager. I feel great and I think I look great.

Recently I have had multiple people (friends and family) ask me if I am sick – some behind my back. I don’t think I look sick. This is driving me crazy and if someone says this one more time I am going to lose it. If you really care, perhaps you should have said something to me when I weighed over 300 pounds and was sick. I was essentially killing myself.

I am now a healthy weight. I eat a healthy diet. I can easily run over 5k. I can ride my bike to work. I am not sick. I am healthier than all of the people that think I am sick. Yet now they want to say something about my weight. I just don’t get it.

I’m wondering if anyone has had similar experiences. Thanks for reading.

Replies

  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
    They are JEALOUS! It happens all the time when people see that you have done this....Don't let them bother you!! You should be so proud of yourself!
    We all are ; )
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,316 Member
    It may bug you, but realize it is coming because they care. Usually when someone loses a lot of weight it is not because they want to it is because they have a major disease like cancer. They are likely worried about you.

    I get more annoyed by people who for the last 20 pounds of my weight loss have been telling me to stop losing weight. I a just at the top end of a healthy BMI, and I have a pretty average frame and build. I am not the exception, but the exact sort of person the BMI is useful for. I know it comes from them being concerned as well, but at the same time I know it comes because we as a culture in the developed world have no idea what a healthy weigh looks like. I just take is for what it is, and make a mental note to not tell them I am seeking to lose any more weight. They are the people who I tell about increasing my calories to.
  • jbucci1186
    jbucci1186 Posts: 440 Member
    i completely feel you. it sucks, right?

    My grandmother thinks i'm anorexic or bulimic which really pisses me off and when I first came back home from school, my mom and sister (both of them are overweight) kept saying I was anorexic and they thought/think I think I'm better than they are because I've lost weight- which is false. Completely false. I've also had random friends make comments, but the worst was from my "best" friend, you said to me "the only way someone could lose as much weight as you is by being anorexic"

    My mom and sister have come around since they have SEEN how much/often I eat (though it is VERY obvious that my sister is jealous because she looks for reasons to accuse me of thinking I'm "better' than her). My grandma is.... don't get me started. I just ignore her. And for those friends... yeah, I've dropped them.

    You know you're healthy and you did it the healthy way. Just screw everyone who reacts negatively- chances are, they're either jealous or they have some issue of their own. Some of them might be legitimately worried, but it's still really annoying because they're assuming you lost the weight in an unhealthy way. Some people might just be really used to the way you used to be, and are uncomfortable with the new you? Keep the supportive people close.


    good luck

    HA- didn't know my swears would be ****ed out! haha oops.
  • megansprague
    megansprague Posts: 57
    That must be so hard. You would hope people would be supportive and maybe even impressed by your lifestyle change -- I am because that is a huge accomplishment! You've reached your goal and that is definitely something to be proud of!

    Just looking at your profile picture, I don't think you look sick. People probably aren't used to seeing you this way (healthier, thinner, fitter) and perhaps haven't noticed you've changed your lifestyle because they're not paying attention. I think people often think it is their place to say something to a thin person who has had a dramatic weight loss if they feel concerned it could be an eating disorder but if somebody is overweight it is rude and judgmental to comment on it. A frustrating double standard.

    A few years ago I lost twenty pounds in a few months because I was rowing. Apparently my weight chart concerned my doctor and she asked if I had been sick a lot since my last yearly check-up but I said no, I'm just exercising at least three hours a day, five days a week. It was frustrating because I was finally in a healthy weight range for my height and she didn't say "Wow, this is so great! You're in shape!".

    I hope things get better for you. Find people in your life you know have noticed in a positive way and spend time with them. They'll make you feel better. And be sure to tell people how good you feel about your weight loss and accomplishments! If you're projecting a positive attitude about it, they'll be more likely to jump on the bandwagon.

    Good luck! And vent vent vent!!
  • tezarozaboza
    tezarozaboza Posts: 38 Member
    I remember about 5 years ago when I was at my lowest weight and someone said to me, "wow you look great well done" but then followed it up with "don't lose any more though as you are starting to look ill" Gee Thanks! If my weight was too low it would have made more sense but I was right in the middle of my weight range and could have still have lost another 10lb and be a healthy weight!

    In my case though I'd say it was more ignorance than jealousy.

    My hubby looks too thin to me when he is between 14 & 15 stone however his ideal weight is in the low 13's according to BMI. What I am getting at is that when you are very close to someone and they lose a ton of weight, they look good to the people you are not so close to but to the rest it springs up initial concern until they realise it is actually good for you!

    Well done by the way!

    Terri xx
  • karona313
    karona313 Posts: 37
    People need something to talk about negatively to make themselves feel better. DO NOT let them dictate your moods or diminish what you've done. This gives the haters WAY TOO MUCH power. Its up to you how you let them affect your feelings. Don't give them that type of control You've accomplished what few people can. Good on you!
  • ags1981
    ags1981 Posts: 1
    First of all CONGRATS on the major weight loss!

    I know that feeling that you friends and family have as I have had those same thoughts when I encounter someone I know who has had a dramatic weight loss. It's not that you are sick or truly look sick, it's that your friends and family have known you for years and were used to what you looked like at a higher weight. While that may not have been a healthy you, it was the you that they knew. Now that you've lost so much weight, you will look "like your sick" in their eyes for a while. I'm not exactly sure why or where that feeling comes from but I've experienced it myself. Perhaps it triggers us to think of people we know who have been sick and lost weight. I'm sure there's a whole big psychological explanation.

    Back to my point, it will take time for your family and friends to adjust to the "new" you, but they will in time. Their eyes and minds need time to adjust. Be proud of your accomplishment and those who are happy for you will adjust to the new you.

    And if they still think you're sick, perhaps you should sign up to run a 5k race and have them come cheer you on, maybe that will help them see that you aren't sick, you're healthy!
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