Anyone else struggling with removing the guilt from eating '

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Angellore
Angellore Posts: 519 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I know, the first thing I need to do is stop assosiating them with being bad, but I couldn;t think of a better way to describe them!

Here's my probem. I've been a yo yo dieter for years. All or nothing. Binge or famine. I'm sure many of you recognise that. Personally, I believe it is a form of eating disorder, because it surely was disordered eating! I can gain 8lb in a week because of my poor eating habits over the years.

So now I'm planning to lose weight, but the healthy way. I need to realise that to do this there is no such thing as a bad food. Just foods which I can eat as a treat. For example, last night we decided to get kebab and chips. So I ordered a chicken shish and chips and really enjoyed them. I added them to my diary. I am obviously over, but I know that will balance by my weigh in day on wednesday. So why do I still feel guilty for eating them?

Has anyone else managed to overcome this kind of guilt? I feel that until I do that I won't be able to stop the binges. The old, "well i've gone over now, might as well carry on" mentality, which I know is rediculous, but it's still there. I want to eat healthily, with threats, the way I believe a normal person eats. I plan to involve more excercise in my routine, although so far I literally haven't had the time. I work shifts which mean I'm out of the house for around 13 hours a day, 5 days a week, so the only opportunity I have for formal excercise is my days off. I am trying to be more active in my day to day life though.

Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks.

Replies

  • chicpower1
    chicpower1 Posts: 169 Member
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    I joined a week and a half ago and have been right-on with my diet, and slowly adding exercise. Tonight, however, my husband wanted to go out for dinner for his Father's Day gift. Since he knew he wanted to go to Longhorn Steakhouse I researched the menu in advance and knew exactly what I could/would order. Unfortunately, that backfired when the place was so full we couldn't even park so he took us to a buffet instead. I absolutely know I overindulged but you know what? I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I didn't gorge myself but I didn't stick to my diet the way I should either. I still had a roll, potatoes, and some dessert along with the "good stuff" I knew was okay to eat. You gotta give yourself a break once in a while. We can't be perfect all the time and we're only human. This is a lifetime of habit to break too so we're going to screw up. What's important is that we keep trying. Do I feel bad about tonight? Nope. I know all I did was stop the weightloss for today and kept myself at a "maintaining" level. It's okay, I'll be back on track tomorrow. No biggie. Don't beat yourself up over it. Did you know that Sandra Bullocks method of eating is to eat perfectly all week long, and do all her exercise with exception of one day? On that one day she allows herself to break all the rules. Look at how great she looks! I don't intend to allow myself to indulge once a week, but once every week and a half to two weeks will do me some good and keep me motivated. Just try to keep it all in perspective.
  • truchamp06
    truchamp06 Posts: 78 Member
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    I am right with you. I went Texas Roadhouse the other day and consumed like 900 calories, and i ate as healthy as I could. Honestly pissed me off cuz if i knew it was going to be that bad I would have got a big juicy steak. But i get where your coming from. To me it is like a eating disorder. I have been researching after researching and trying to train my brain that foood is not the enemy. I mean, its hard for me to explain, bc I get guilty when I eat little stuff like i had chips today, and all i could think about was those stupid 300 calories i ate and how i didint work out, and that yada yada yada. Thats something small, and the sad part is bc I shouldnt have eaten those darn chips bc I was doing so well and NOW all i want is chips. I have a bad habit or partaking in a little. Im all or nothing. Thats another reason why i dont do soda anymore. If i want soda i will have to get a real coke no diet, its not the same. If you find a solution on how to be guilt freee pls share the knowledge! Hope you get the answers your looking for.
  • MilisaMote
    MilisaMote Posts: 28
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    Ifou look at my food diary you will see this is a constant issue with me ... Always thinking of food as bad and thinking twice before i eat anything ... I am working on trying to fix it but it is hard and I am no where close
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I've learned that for me - eating what I want, when I want - in moderation works the best. I don't do cheat days, cheat meals, etc. Each day I eat as I please. I read labels and I learn what a true serving size is.

    There are some things I don't eat simply because I don't want them or I'm not willing to give up calories for them. I've also learned how to find healthier alternatives to things I love -- like Skinny Cow heavenly crisp bars vs Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

    I've tried the "don't eat this, don't eat that" diet and I always fail at it. ALways. I'm hungry. I miss having cookies, bread, pasta etc - whatever is the "no food" of the moment. I prefer what I'm doing now.

    You can do it. It takes time to switch that gear in your brain - but you CAN DO IT! I don't feel guilty anymore for the way I eat. Maybe because I worry most about calories in/calories out. I don't agonize over a day that I'm over or under. Too much stress about it only hurts your weight loss. :)
  • helloiloveukitty
    helloiloveukitty Posts: 448 Member
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    If youre eating / feelings are getting that much in the way I might try therapy to deal with your food issues. I could have never even started to lose weight without therapy to get my head in order.
  • Ichbinceiling
    Ichbinceiling Posts: 97
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    I have a lot of guilt too. But in the end, I don't know if this may help or hurt you.. but...

    I think of it as "(Insert name).. You're only cheating yourself." And I'll tell myself that and its like "you know what, I know you want to be healthier and now is not the time to eat that bad food." That bad food got you to this unhappy place and if you give into it, if you just try a few here and a few there, its gonna keep you at that unhappy place. I've given up on a LOT of good food, my soda addiction, my chocolate addiciton and every other thing that I love to eat. But you know what? I've gained more confidence. I've gained more positive thoughts and I gained a loser size pant in just 16 weeks. I've lost 32 pounds and I'd push all that food to the side again. I don't "need" it. I wanted it. But I want to be a smaller person too, and thats what I want more.

    So whats what I think of.. what do you want more?
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
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    Food is evil. I hate it with a passion. I feel guilty for eating all the time. Guilty for eating too little, for eating just the right amount, or eating too much. Sigh... I really hope you get this figured out, girly. There's no reason we should feel guilty for eating -- "good" or "bad" foods.
  • angelicdisgrace
    angelicdisgrace Posts: 2,071 Member
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    If you fall, you get right back up and don't look back. Fix the mistake by eating healthy one meal at a time. Soon it will become second nature and your bingeing will lessen. Good luck.
  • RissaDean
    RissaDean Posts: 189 Member
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    HEre's the strategy I'm working from, but it's always changing:

    I log EVERYTHING.

    I take things literally one meal at a time. I have tried to plan meals out, but that doesn't work so well for me. I try really hard to stay within my goal, but if something comes up - a wedding, birthday party, etc - I try to make the healthiest decisions possible. At a snack-type of buffet, I will A) eat healthy beforehand so I'm not starving, and B) try to put more fruit on my plate than cheese and crackers. I will have *A* piece of cake...or share one. Well, sharing is more of a goal...haven't gotten to that one in practice yet :blushing: . I choose water over punch or cokes.

    I try to prepare myself for hiccups/potential setbacks.... "You WILL go over today, but it's ok.....totally not a big deal. Tomorrow will be back on track." That way when I tally up my day and I'm 400 cal over, I don't beat myself up, throw in the towel, and go get a cookie (I have literally done just that on other plans).

    I make a conscious effort to be nice to myself. Yes, that sounds ridiculous, but when I screw up I really go off on myself (in my own head)..... So now I'm trying really hard to make myself stop and think, If this happened to Angie (my sister & BFF), would you talk to her that way? No! You would be nice and try to say something to make her feel better. And then I make myself say one nice thing - out loud. I might sound like a crazy person, but at least there's a smile on my face!

    Good luck on your journey - we're here to help!!
  • sarahsmom1
    sarahsmom1 Posts: 1,501 Member
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    I do have desserts and treats but there are 2 things i can not have in the house and that is Costco dried fruit and skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. I will eat it all in one sitting so when I find things that I just can't stop eating I just dont buy it I love malted milk balls that i get at henrys but I just buy 2 servings if I buy any more I will eat all of them. Moderation I also have no cheat meals or days just adjust calories so I can have what I want you can look at my diary and see I get plenty of sweets in
  • lambchop1042
    lambchop1042 Posts: 102 Member
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    Try eating what you want, but cutting it half or even quarters. That way, you're consuming 1/2 the calories, 1/2 the fat, 1/2 sodium, etc. That's how I deal with my little indulgences.

    I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but a good verse in the Bible to keep in mind (for me) is Matthew 6:25-27:
    “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

    Just insert "feel guilty" where it says "worry". Hope that helps!
  • LivAppleby
    LivAppleby Posts: 2
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    This is an interesting topic. It seems you have it all figured out intellectually - which it half the battle!

    I don't think, though, that your query has anything to do with food at all. You've worked out that there is no such thing as "good food" and "bad food". I think the problem is with the feeling of guilt. And in my own experience, the best way to cope with any emotion is just to sit with it - recognise it, observe it and wait for it to pass.

    Clearly I have weight to lose or I wouldn't be here, so of course it's easier said than done. I have, however, spent a significant amount of time in psychologists' chairs learning to overcome various other addictions created by emotional turmoil.

    The guilt one experiences doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you had a blow out *feel guilty* and have to starve yourself tomorrow. And it doesn't mean you had a blow out *feel guilty* and decide "well screw it, I may as well just finish off the tub of ice cream now". Nor does it mean anything in between.

    It's just guilt. Just a feeling. Nothing more. It only holds power over you if you hand over your power. When you notice you're feeling guilty, recgnise it - "I'm experiencing guilt" - it's just a fact. You don't need to do anything with it, or anything about it. Starving yourself, berating yourself, bingeing - none of these things will "fix" the guilt. Just watch it, sit with it, have compassion for it. Soon enough it will pass and you can go on with your day. It will come back, and you will recognise it and you can sit with it again and know that it's just a feeling and it will pass again in due course.

    Golly! I sound like a preacher!... oh well, these are my thoughts on the topic...!
  • jj3down
    jj3down Posts: 3
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    "Healthy" is an ambiguous term... it has no solid meaning. Eat whatever you want. What matters is how much you eat. If you feel guilty, it means you are playing with fire in some way.

    Do not look at your caloric goals as a daily requirement. Rather count calories based on a whole week. Your body doesn't reset itself everyday and your body doesn't change in one day. It doesn't even change significantly in a week, but a week is manageable time frame by which to track your progress.

    Do NOT track your exercise! There is no way of accurately determining how many net calories you burn with exercise anyway. Besides, exercise should be viewed as a bonus, not part of your diet. You can't out-train a poor diet.

    Learning to live a lifestyle which allows you to maintain the weight and body that you want while not giving up your social life and enjoying your food life is what we all strive for. The only way to learn this is to learn what causes weight gain and loss.

    I've been employing a specific strategy for a couple months now. A couple days ago I found a e-book written by a guy who I have done business with before. He has a Master's degree in nutritional science and I purchased the book for educational purposes. Ironically, the weight loss strategy he recommends is very similar to the one I've been doing.

    As a matter of fact the mindset is almost identical. The way I choose to achieve it has some slight variations, but it's pretty darn close. I have lost 38 pounds in two months and have never been happier or had an easier time doing it.

    I highly recommend checking this out:
    If you want, send me your email and I will send you the manual (for free of course)

    http://www.anythinggoesdiet.com/blog/


    Good Luck
  • hanharr
    hanharr Posts: 9
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    look at it like you said -- a treat! the portion control is terrible at restaurants and fast food places, so the best thing you can do is maintain your good eating habits at home and when you go out to eat, get something you feel comfortable eating and remember that you went out ONCE, you went over your intake ONCE, and that's okay. as long as you're not eating out every day it's not something to beat yourself up about -- it's something you should look at as a reward. it's a social activity and you deserve to enjoy your friends/family's company and the food you order because you've earned it!

    also, something i do when i eat out is put half of my meal in a to-go container before i even start to eat, then i'll have something later for dinner or the next day and i won't overeat.

    i've always had a lot of guilt surrounding food, really for as long as i can remember. the biggest help has been moving out and living on my own and being able to select my own foods; i'm the one who chose the food and paid for it and i know what's in it.
  • Elle408
    Elle408 Posts: 500 Member
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    Food is evil. I hate it with a passion. I feel guilty for eating all the time. Guilty for eating too little, for eating just the right amount, or eating too much. Sigh... I really hope you get this figured out, girly. There's no reason we should feel guilty for eating -- "good" or "bad" foods.

    Ditto! I get so completely caught up in the numbers and become borderline obsessed with doing every thing right and then when I should, shock horror, eat 2000 calories in a day I feel like a fat pig and my first gut reaction is to severely restrict for the next few weeks.

    I have to admit, it's slightly better now than it was, because I am at goal and I'm focusing more on eating the right things and trying to ignore my numbers. I allow myself little treats every day, a square of chocolate or a biscuit and then every Friday I'll have something big (treat friday!!) like a slice of cake or a whole chocolate bar. Eventually I hope to get to the point where I don't have to wait for a specific day to eat a treat, but who knows!

    I don't like eating in front of people any more because i'm so stressed when I do eat, worrying about if it's too much or too unhealthy or too anything!
  • Beastiephile
    Beastiephile Posts: 50
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    My relationship with food is also a bad one. Something in my mind tells me it's bad to eat a lot, because even if I go eat at a salad bar or a big plate of steamed vegetables I feel fat and guilty for doing so. When I eat something a little unhealthy as a treat (on the extremely rare occasion), even if it's within my calorie budget I have a total mental meltdown. I wish I had answers but I don't. I just hope we can feel differently over time.
  • ladybug2020
    ladybug2020 Posts: 83 Member
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    Bump
  • elizamc
    elizamc Posts: 285 Member
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    This is so hard! I'm a life long yo-yo dieter too and also think of food as good and bad and not eating as being 'good' and I identify with the guilt thing too. Not at all a healthy way of thinking. I agree with you that the whole yo-yo / eating guilt is a disorder and think that somehow it's all tied in with control.

    I don't have an answer really but one thing I can suggest is to develop a healthy 'mantra' - one I read somewhere that has helped me is:

    "everything is permissible - but not all is beneficial".

    The only other thing that I would add in here is every time I read that an MFP pal has under-eaten their daily calories I want to encourage - but am also personally aware that less is not necessarily best and I'd hate to be reinforcing what might not be helpful in the long term!

    Good luck with this! You're not alone...

    Shirley
  • Elle408
    Elle408 Posts: 500 Member
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    The only other thing that I would add in here is every time I read that an MFP pal has under-eaten their daily calories I want to encourage - but am also personally aware that less is not necessarily best and I'd hate to be reinforcing what might not be helpful in the long term!

    Good luck with this! You're not alone...

    Shirley

    This is such a good thing to bring up actually! I got very caught up in being under my goal (When I was on 1200) and I felt like such a failure if I went over, even just by a few calories. I don't close out my diary any more. I don't need people to tell me that i'm doing good if I've managed to eat below my allowance. I have the kind of mentality that sees it all as a competition and if everyone else is 'under' and I am not, i've failed.

    I spent my first 18mths doing the weightloss thing on my own and didn't have any of these feelings of guilt and didn't get caught up in numbers and within weeks of MFP I was borderline OCD about it all!
  • bexxw
    bexxw Posts: 44 Member
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    Hey yeah I find myself getting really freaked out or panicky when I'm going to have a bad day, or have gone over or something and then get really dissapointed with myself and essentially say F-it for the day and pig out.. Now that I've started recognizing it, I try to treat those meals/snacks that are less than ideal health-wise as a little fun treat.. I enjoy it as much as possible savor the treat, instead of beating my self up over it, because why waste the extra calories on something that is just going to make you sad! Enjoy the slips but recognize them and get back on track the next meal!

    Yesterday I was meeting friends out for a pub sunday roast.. At first I tried to figure out exactualy what I could eat, and what to leave to the side, or pass off to a friend, and I'd split the dessert, but then everyone wanted there own, and I started to get really down about even going, so I caught myself and turned it around and decided to have a lighter breakfast, get some extra exercise in the AM and really enjoy ALL the food and the company, and just have a light salad and tea for dinner. Today I know I need to have a light day but its so worth enjoying everything yesterday :)

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