Sometimes I feel he deserves better ....

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faithNlove212
faithNlove212 Posts: 203 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been feeling a bit depressed lately and I have a feeling its because of my weight gain. Life is good, I have a family of my own, graduating from college in 9 weeks, were buying our first home soon and im currently doing an internship that will help in my career search. BUT I feel id be happier if I looked different ...:ohwell:

I try different hair styles, makeup, paint my nails, thinking this would all cheer me up and make me feel sexy but it doesnt. My fiance assures me everyday I am beautiful and that hes still attracted to me but I sometimes feel he deserves better. He is the perfect weight for his height and looks better now then when I met him 9 years ago. Seems like hes getting better looking and im getitng worse. :sad:

Here I am at 209lbs and very disgusted in myself for letting myself get this way. Yes alot of weight was gained through my pregnancy because I was on bed rest but I could of eaten better and I didnt. I look at pre-pregnancy photos (150lbs) and I cry. I have containers full of clothes that you used to fit some with tags still on them! I think to myself "if only I could fit into those clothes again, id look and feel attractice.' Im at the point where I feel embaressed to go out with my fiance & son thinking people might judge us because my son is beautiful and my fiance is handsome yet im the overweight ugly mother. :blushing:

I beat myself up daily on this. I know its my own damn fault. After my son was born I had surgery for a blood clot so I was on bed rest yet again and gained more weight. Afterwards the rest of my weight gain could of been avoided if I exercised but instead I became lazy and ate on my emotions. I ended up gaining all the way to 232lbs.

Yes, ive had a bit of success in loosing but I do good for so long then I fall off the wagon and go back to my old habits. I went from exercising 6 days a week to 1-2 days. I am slowly getting back into the routine and have started portion meals which seems to be helping. But I have a long ways to go with my self-esteem. :sick:

I know this is a journey both physical and emotional, and that if I work hard enough I can loose the last 50lbs my doctor wants me to. I just have a hard time staying committed. :yawn:
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Replies

  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
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    If that is you in your profile pic... you are beautiful!!! Your fiance is one lucky man! Cheer up and just take it one day at a time. You can do it!
  • beccaschmitter
    beccaschmitter Posts: 34
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    hey I know exactly how you feel... I spend everyday hating myself. I also spend every day wishing that I was my husbands trophy wife again... I know he finds thinner prettier. I'm here if you need some support!
  • gabbygirl37_2001
    gabbygirl37_2001 Posts: 93 Member
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    I totally understand where you are coming from. I too, do well for awhile and then fall off. Like now...been off for a few weeks now. Lets try to motivate each other!

    WE CAN DO THIS...AND WE ARE SOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!
  • schaapj2
    schaapj2 Posts: 320 Member
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    On your bad days...just think of your goal and haul that picture out to remind yourself of where you want to go and why quitting wont get you there.... Keep your chin up...he DOES deserve you and YOU deserve and owe it to yourself to get healthy.....and P.S. The more you exercise, the better you being to feel...I have found this has had a dramatic impact on my moods and temperament!
  • oyvonnee
    oyvonnee Posts: 116 Member
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    Hey there!

    Having gone up and down and up and down in my weight from 150 to 221 pounds, I can feel your pain. Even when your fiance/boyfriend or husband tells you it's OK, you don't FEEL OK, so it's like throwing compliments at a teflon surface, they just slide off and don't stick.

    We are all initially attracted to people because of their outward beauty but anyone with an ounce of character and good sense soon figures out what KEEPS us in a relationship is what's inside. Part of the reason we love someone is how they make us feel about ourselves so He loves you because you make him feel special, not because you are thin or not thin.

    Lose weight for YOU, not for him. Losing for someone else is harder than heck and it doesn't last.

    Your worth and beauty in life is far more than a number on that scale.

    Hold your head up high. You are headed down a great road to success. Don't let this struggle define you. We all have struggles - for some of it's weight.

    Keep the faith - you will make it!

    Yvonne :flowerforyou:
  • bitty1taz
    bitty1taz Posts: 309 Member
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    You ar a beautiful woman! I know how you feel, being heavier than what you feel you should be is very depressing. I am working through the same problem. Hang in there and if you need someone to talk to just let me know. You can "friend" me if you want.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    It is amazing how destructive or productive self-image can be. Your husband and son love you! You are not doing this for them because they would have you either way. You are doing this for yourself. If you could magically drop 50 or 60 or 70 lbs right now. Would you be a different person? No. You would just be thinner. So don't beat yourself up. Just try harder at treating yourself a little better.
  • KJ7777
    KJ7777 Posts: 47 Member
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    Hi,
    I under stand how you feel as i have felt similarly numerous times.
    I do agree with schaapj2 about the exercise. I definately notice in myself that if i drop some then my mood plumits.
    When i feel like you have said with my partner, I try to remember why we got together in the first place, I know it is my own in securities that are making ME feel the way i do & i cant deregard what he tells me when he says he loves me or that i look great.
    Thats me anyway :)
    And me if you would like :)
    Hope you feel a lighter load off your shoulders soon :smile:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    On your bad days...just think of your goal and haul that picture out to remind yourself of where you want to go and why quitting wont get you there.... Keep your chin up...he DOES deserve you and YOU deserve and owe it to yourself to get healthy.....and P.S. The more you exercise, the better you being to feel...I have found this has had a dramatic impact on my moods and temperament!

    Totally agree with this. Exercise releases endorphens and endorphens make us feel better. :happy:
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    So many women can empathise with this, I remember getting to a point I felt so unsexy and not worthy of my boyfriend who I though was just gorgeous. I made a pact to do it for myself and nobody else. I've lost 21 pounds and feel much sexier again, it's only taken 9-10 weeks and I keep thinking to myself how glad I started that day and am into my journey. It's all about getting started and then living every day as it comes.
    Now my boyfriend has started saying "you won't get too thin will you" I laugh as I am a million miles away from where I want to be ultimately but little goals are creeping up all the time.
    Keep at it and use this site to support you when you feel down because I should think each and everyone of us has felt near enough the same. We all have down days but the up days are getting more frequent now.
    Add me if you need an occasional whoop whoop!
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
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    Your profile picture is beautiful. I know it's hard to keep your chin up when your weight seems to be the dominate thing on your mind (speaking of myself ). But I am sure your fiancé thinks you are beautiful no matter what's going on in your own head. I have days like this. Control over my eating helps this feeling. I feel like I'm working toward my goals when I am in control of my diet and exercise. Anyhow, hang in there, you will get those last pound off!!!
  • TakuraHunt
    TakuraHunt Posts: 208
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    I have tried countless times to lose weight to look better for my husband. We have been together for 11 years, and never once has he made me feel beautiful, pretty, sexy... He does know how to make me feel fat and ugly (he does that very well - which is why I hate taking pictures). As I said before, I've tried to lose weight for him, and what I've found is I will lose the weight, but than I would gain it back, especially when he would find something else wrong with me. This time I've made up my mind to do it for me and only me. In order to find the confidence within myself that I once had, in order to love myself the way I used to love myself, I have to do this for me. That way I will no longer care how he sees me, all that will matter is how I see myself.
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    I have tried countless times to lose weight to look better for my husband. We have been together for 11 years, and never once has he made me feel beautiful, pretty, sexy... He does know how to make me feel fat and ugly (he does that very well - which is why I hate taking pictures). As I said before, I've tried to lose weight for him, and what I've found is I will lose the weight, but than I would gain it back, especially when he would find something else wrong with me. This time I've made up my mind to do it for me and only me. In order to find the confidence within myself that I once had, in order to love myself the way I used to love myself, I have to do this for me. That way I will no longer care how he sees me, all that will matter is how I see myself.
    Good attitude, but one little question...how can you be with someone who never makes you feel good about yourself? I definitely think doing it for yourself is the way and that way you will be so proud of yourself and exert more confidence. Good luck and if you need a motivational friend, add me!
  • TakuraHunt
    TakuraHunt Posts: 208
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    Good attitude, but one little question...how can you be with someone who never makes you feel good about yourself?
    That's a really good question, and I honestly wish I had an answer to give you - but I don't. I don't know if it because my self esteem is so low that I feel as tho no one else would want to be with me, I don't know if its because I have a fear of being alone, I don't know if its because of my kids... I honestly don't know. I do know the more we argue about petty stuff, I closer I get to my breaking point...
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I have tried countless times to lose weight to look better for my husband. We have been together for 11 years, and never once has he made me feel beautiful, pretty, sexy... He does know how to make me feel fat and ugly (he does that very well - which is why I hate taking pictures). As I said before, I've tried to lose weight for him, and what I've found is I will lose the weight, but than I would gain it back, especially when he would find something else wrong with me. This time I've made up my mind to do it for me and only me. In order to find the confidence within myself that I once had, in order to love myself the way I used to love myself, I have to do this for me. That way I will no longer care how he sees me, all that will matter is how I see myself.

    I'm so sorry that he is not more supportive of you. It can be really hard to feel good about yourself when you have someone in your life that enjoys bringing you down. He probably has his motives and they probably have nothing to do with you. Either way, its not right for him to treat you that way. My prayers are with you for your continued success. No matter how much you weigh, I think you are beautiful!!
  • faithNlove212
    faithNlove212 Posts: 203 Member
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    Thank you everyone for your encouraging words! You all are great! :flowerforyou:
  • Soziberry
    Soziberry Posts: 115
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    We all have these terrible thoughts about ourselves, but if the person you are with is not being supportive or worse then maybe it is time to shed much more ugly fat... In partner shape!
    I used to be at my heaviest noted weight (probably more at times) 231lbs and I am currently 148.5lb. Have been less but been partying hard lately and need to get back on it.
    Anyway, I used to constantly bug my husband what he saw in me. What is that attracted him to me etc... I felt unworthy of any form of compliment and hid myself away for years. Yes, I tried the new make up, nail extentions to make my fingers look less like stubs, bigger clothes to hide the bulge. Never made a difference, excited buying them but in reallity they made me feel worse. I couldn't let him near me because I felt so ugly. If he accidentely brushed past my belly, there was instant tortoise reaction! I got so low it was making me physically ill. I had sleep apnea, IBS really bad, my asthma was so bad I couldn't walk down the path without taking my inhaler.
    Little over 2 years on I feel sassy, I strut in my denims and even do a wiggle when I walk. I have my mojo back and I am healthier and happier than I have ever been. I often feel I now deserve better lol.
    Good luck on your journey and it might seem like its taking forever but believe me, it is so worth it.
  • maritimemom
    maritimemom Posts: 192
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    I agree with everyone else. My first thought when I saw your profile pic was "what a pretty lady." There isn't too much else I can add so I wish you success in your journey and add me as a friend if you'd like some more support. :)
  • ypena78
    ypena78 Posts: 236 Member
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    Oh, chica. I know how you feel. I was once smaller when I met my hubby. But if he loves you the way you are & assures you then you need to realize that you are doing this for yourself & not for anyone else. you need to lose the weight for yourself, but by the way stress & depression can put weight on as well. and as what you are telling me, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. dont worry it took me 6 months to get off of this damn plateau, myself & I felt like quitting sometimes, but you can do it, I have faith & confidence in you girlie. YOU can do it!! Love you, if you need anything you can send me a message anytime girl. YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON US HERE ON MFP......Keep your head up.
  • brooke0206
    brooke0206 Posts: 255 Member
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    I totally feel the same way! I was on the losing end and was doing great and got pregnant again so here I sit back at about 223 and still have 8 weeks to go until baby is due. I just keep telling myself that soon enough I will be able to work out again and I am going to bust my butt to get to where I want to be. I had lost about 25 lbs before I got pregnant and I was finally starting to feel better about myself. I know you can do it! I know it isnt always easy but it IS possible and it IS worth it! Just keeo your eye on the prize!

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