Venting I guess...

artzymummy · February 2016

I was doing well before Christmas. I had started looking after myself again after a long fight with postpartum depression during which time I only had the energy to look after my kids. I know I'm lucky that I had enough fight in me to get that much done, some women who face that demon aren't even granted that much of a reprieve from it. I still battle depression now, but that's been a long term fight and that demon and I are on fairly amicable terms. I am a stay at home mum to two boys ages 2.5 and 1 and an artist. Again, I do count my blessings for that lot in my life. I know I have a lot to be grateful for.

So, here comes the vent... I married into a family of very high metabolism people and every family photo leaves me looking like the whale at the end. There are about 50 of them on just his dad's side and boy do I stand out. I don't have any expectation of completely fitting in, face it, artists often don't, but I would rather not stand out like a sore thumb at my sister in law's wedding in June. So, back at this battle, again, but not for the right reasons this time and I know it.

I am trying to find time to get some fitness in, my boys still nap so I steal a few minutes when they do and try to move around as much as I can during the day. Our weather is often nasty here, today it's -30 C (-40 with the wind) so heading outside isn't really an option and there are no tracks in the small town I live in so the walking that I love doing during the other three seasons falls out during the winter. Exercise is a fight to fit in but that's not my biggest issue.

My biggest issue is food. Specifically, cooking meals. I allow myself one small indulgence a day and I'm good with that, but prep takes me too long with two kids. I hear people screaming at me... do things ahead of time, plan better. Trust me, I hear you. I do prepare as much as I can ahead of time. I make my husband fajitas for his morning coffee and usually a beef dish of some sort for his lunch. I get his daily meals done well in advance and keep an eye on what I have in the freezer. I have that part down. I started trying to make fajitas for myself but I'm finding that that is leaving me hungry - there are just too many calories in something so small, I need to figure something else out.

Supper is my worst enemy right now though. Every night I have three different meals prepared. One for myself (vegetarian), one for my husband (a man who believes that his meat ate the vegetables for him), and then one for my oldest son who will only eat certain things at certain times (possibly autistic, we are waiting for testing). Fortunately, my youngest son will eat just about anything you put in front of him so he gets a combination from his dad and I.

Ok, I've vented. If anyone made it to the end of this and wants to give me advice for sneaking in fitness, vegetarian meals I can make ahead of time (I love my slow cooker and do much of my ahead of time cooking in that), and how I can get over this "whale" complex and look after myself for the right reasons I would love to hear it.

Shrinking_Erin · February 2016

Well I feel you on many accounts. My husbands family, though small, is very fit and a little posh. So I was the large woman is my SILs wedding photo almost 2 years ago. I can't say that I minded too much. I was still a happy person. Now I have twin daughters who are 15 months and it's difficult sometimes to take care of them and myself and get all these things done around the house. For me - I tend to eat the same things for breakfast and lunch. So I can get my foods weighed and ready and either already have it logged or log it later. I would figure out what your staple meals are and always have those in hand (in the fridge or freezer) and just keep lots of fresh veg/salad/fruit. And take it day by day. Stressing won't help you stay consistent.

Anyway. Good luck. : )

IILikeToMoveItMoveIt · February 2016

I understand what you're going through. I'm glad to hear there is another mommy out there like me. I felt like I was reading something I wrote, it was that close to my lifestyle. I'm having food trouble at the moment. I try to keep most of my calories for dinner, but when I feed the kids I nickle and dime my calories for the day. I exercise here and there when I can't get in solid time. Like I do as many heel lifts as I can in one minute while the microwave is on. I pick up my kiddos and twist with them as many times as they'll let me. Make extra trips through the house for things. Protein helps keep me from eating too much, typically, so you may try it. I find caffeine helps with motivation and hunger most of the time. I am in kinda of low spot right now too that I'm trying really, really hard to get out of. As far as whale complexes go, I feel that way too around my hubbies family, but really what eased my anxiety was just working to get it gone. It's such a relief when it comes off I almost forgot how bad I felt all the time. Weight loss is mostly mental for me. Right now I'm feeling how I used to because I'm having a super hard time keeping my calories down. I gained 7 lbs in 3 weeks. Those old feelings of anxiety and disappointment etc.came flooding back. I just make my kiddos food, play and talk and watch tv with them and especially lately, it's all I can manage to do. I am bi-polar and though I haven't had an episode in a while (bad food triggers it) it's still there. So I feel like I can understand where you're at. If I could just get that control back over my calories like I've been doing for almost 2 years, I'm not even worried about the exercise. I lost the largest part of my weight just counting calories. Right now though I'm in anxiety wanting to help myself feel better with the exercise that I love to do and fell great about having done when I do it, but it's that tiny little thread where my issues have been messing with me. That's why I love this site. It helps me get back to it. And while this is the hardest and longest bad spot I've had on this journey, I know I can overcome it because of the awesome people and stories and support on this site. You can do it too!

aportz · February 2016

Boy, I think you need a huge hug! I felt so bad for you, I went and got my computer to respond (usually do this on my phone). I have been where you are and now my kids are 16 and 12. It gets soooo much better. You are at the most pressure filled, stressful time. Be kind to yourself. You seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Superwoman, take off the cape and burn it! Take every short cut you can think of. Lower your standards. I have a daughter who's a vegetarian, a son who refuses to eat vegetables and a husband who is just glad someone made something. I've trained him well. If you don't have a George Foreman grill, get one. Make one main for dinner and make it something healthy for yourself. Slap a chicken breast, burger, salmon filet etc. on the Foreman for your meat eater. Sometimes the kids will eat mac and cheese and applesauce. No one dies and mom doesn't lose her mind. I make a pot of something for my daughter and me (lentil soup, veggie stew) and we eat it for a few days. I stock up on quicker, easy to make options (bocca burgers, salmon burgers, turkey meatballs). Sometimes we all just have sandwiches. It's all good. AND stop looking at pictures of your husband's family. Take a look around you. There are more of us fighting your battle than lucky ducks with good genes. Take care of yourself!

ashleyylo · February 2016

Number one - a 1 year old and a 2.5 year old - PHEW! you are in an amazingly stressful and tiring period of your life - remember that and be kind to yourself.

My sister in law was in a similar boat food/eating wise. what she did was download some exercise videos (20-30 min) to do while the kids napped. Lots of meal planning as well - mostly just cutting down portions and trying to make some healthier choices while still allowing fun and flexibility.

Kudos to you. sorry i dont' have much helpful advice, but lady, vent on. you deserve to have your feelings heard. and it's understandable not to want to feel like a "whale", but just try to focus on some real reasons to do this - to have energy and positivity to play with your kiddos. to be healthy and happy to live long with them!

artzymummy · February 2016

Thank you all so much for the kind words. I know I should take it easy... and stay off of Pinterest where all the "perfect mom's" post their "oh so easy" tips on everything. I know I have my hands full with my two boys (three when you count my husband, haha) but I guess I just can't help it. I only really start to stress when there are family functions coming up, especially after having seen pictures of myself at the last one when I was presenting the painting I had done to his grandparents. My mother in law LOVES family photo's. She doesn't get my insecurities about them. She at one point told me to get over it (in a nice way, I know that sounds nasty but she isn't that kind of person). I can't even express how relieved I was when my sister in law didn't ask me to be in the wedding party (she has chosen to have a Man of Honour (my husband) and no bridesmaids, phew.)

Funny, I love pictures of me with my boys and I'm ok with the ones with my husband, it's just when we're all together as one huge happy family that I hate how I look.

Oh well, I am trying to focus on the positives and remind myself that I am worth the time it takes.

Not that any of you need to be told this, but YOU are all worth it too!

culb2012 · February 2016

My goodness, it's like we're twins... right down to the multiple dinner prep with being a vegetarian and my husband insisting he'll die without his meat, lol. Luckily I have brought my daughter over to the veggie side with me by having her watch a few documentaries. It's a real struggle sometimes, especially when you're struggling with depression and not feeling comfortable in your own skin and in a group of people you should feel comfortable in.

My heart goes out to you.

I have found that the simpler I keep my food, the better it is. I came up with 5 different all-day meal plans, and I just rotate them around so I don't get bored. Then I make new ones at the beginning of each month. It takes a lot of the mental work out of it... and I'm only stressed about it once a month when making my plan, lol.

quiltlovinlisa · February 2016

Sending support your way. I'm not in this position now but 8 1/2 years ago when we had two year old twins, a 3 year old, an 6 year old and a 9 year old, no income for 6 months, multiple children with various delays and interventions plus the 3 year old's nickname was "Destructo kid..."

Yeah.

Do what you can, make sure you take care of yourself. Make small changes that you can keep up. Mostly, be kind to yourself. This time isn't forever, it will get better and then it will be easier to prioritize yourself. When life was tromping all over me, my mental health was my priority, and an awful lot was survival mode.

SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage · February 2016

Been there. Granted I only have one child, but suffered with PPD and obesity.

My suggestion is to try your hardest to get over some of your "mommy guilt". We all have it. I suspect that you feel you need to be paying attention to your kids 100% of the time while they're awake, otherwise you're not being a good mom. The reality is, you should not feel guilty for taking some time for yourself. In the end, a healthy mommy will have more energy to spend on the kiddos. So I suggest taking just a little bit more time for YOU. Whether that means taking more time for meal prep (even if your kids are around), exercising a bit more, etc. Just do it. Getting your mental health in check is going to be your biggest struggle. IMHO, you need to prioritize working on that, before you can focus on your physical health.

Good luck to you. Feel free to FR me, as I still struggle with anxiety and depression so I understand that aspect.

Vanessalookingood · February 2016

Take it easy on yourself. It's not easy with two young kids so close in age to get it all done and still have energy left for " Pinterest"

Take on day at a time in a few years things will settle down some for you. What really works for me is to have a pot of soup loaded with veggies, and a salad all prepared for the week. That way all I really need to worry about is what to have for supper. You are worth living your best life for and you CAN do this. Good luck on your journey!

Blackdawn_70631 · February 2016

I think you already have everything set on what you're doing. Main thing you need to try is get some workout time in.
If you have any game consoles, there's plenty of exercise games for you AND the kids. There's Just Dance games for this kids that you can play with them.
I have a treadmill and weights, but do workout videos via my PS3 on youtube. Lots of people have exercise videos lasting from 7 minutes to an hour.

mommazach · February 2016

Goodness your hands are full. I've got 5 children (youngest is 10) and Foster others. It's a challenging lifestyle. I work 45 hours a week away from the home and make the most of every time I have. Use Pinterest for meal idea, slow cooker, etc. I use my cooker about twice a week. Also, buy an extra one for your diet. In goes a roast etc. for hubby, and yours is going at the same time. As for 2.5 year old. It's an age thing. He'll eat what he is hungry for. My daughter ate Cheetos and strawberry milk for about 3 months at that age. Feed the baby whatever they'll eat, and if possible get a sitter one day a week to spend time by yourself at a gym or swimming pool. I've always had extra weight and am short. My SIL's are all about 5'9" and weigh in around 120lb. Make sure you take the time to exercise. Not only will it help you lose weight, but it also increases your "feel good" endorphins. I take one day off a week, too much going on Wednesday's for me to work out. I always feel like crap because I don't have the endorphins going. Give yourself a once a week snack instead of once a day. I have a Frozen Greek yogurt instead of ice cream, or an applesauce because I am still counting the calories. If I want chocolate I get sugar free fudgecicles or pudding. Drink plenty of water and don't give up. If your goal is weight loss for the wedding, then you need to change it to healthy lifestyle for me. I've been going on MFP for a little over a year. I love motivational friends who like to post that they're day sucks because WE ALL have those days. Add friends who will lift you up for support when you need it.

Venting I guess...

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