Advice/HELP needed

Jade1964 · June 2011

My in laws live 2 hours away on the lake and we usually visit them regularly during the summer (during the winter they live in Florida).

She rules her kitchen with an iron fist.....SHE is the only person who cooks and you eat what SHE cooks end of discussion.

Now I have an issue with this as I have been eating a very strict diet and I want to have control of what I eat, not someone else.

A little more insight into my mother in law. Last time I was on a quasi diet.....I told her before we came down and asked her to respect that because she loves to bake. She proceeded to have 3 different home made desserts one of which is her delectable home made chocolate cake with home made icing. And then she pushes the food and desserts on us while we are there, BUT she loves to make comments about my weight.

I want to bring my own food and cook my own food. But that is not as easy as it sounds and it will cause World War III and I am well aware of that. I refuse to go to the lake and my refusal has caused arguments. I have not went in the month that I have started my new life and have no intentions of going.

Any advice on how find a way to be able to eat my healthy way while there would be greatly appreciated. I would love to be able to cook dinner for all of us while we are there....last time I offered/tried I wasn't sure I was going to survive the day!

lejess · June 2011

What if you approach the situation differently. Perhaps you insist that while you are there you cook at least one meal for the family as "payment" for being able to stay at their fantastic lake house. This way you can ensure that you get to cook at least one healthy meal, and then try to restrain yourself and eat smaller portions of her food. Also, make sure to bring along plenty of healthy snacks (like fresh veggies) to load up on before any of her bigger/fattier meals.
Don't even tell her you're on a diet. Just approach the situation as trying to be a nice and helpful house guest.
Sounds to me like she likes to "keep you down" so kill her with kindness.
Show up with a recipe and ingredients and be persistent. What about your husband? Can't he back you up on this plan? Couldnt he step in when his mother starts to argue and say something like "mom, you know, Jade (I assume thats your name) put a lot of thought into this, just let her show you what she can do!"
Instead of making a war, try to make it peace by doing nice things....even if you have your own sneaky (yet healthy!) motives behind it!
Also, if they are on a lake, couldnt you squeeze in a walk, or maybe some swimming, or some other activity to at least try and curb the calories a little?
Hope some of these ideas help you! Good luck!

samickgirl · June 2011

Personally, I think you are doing the right thing. This is your health and if your new lifestyle cannot be respected, you need to stand up for yourself. Do you have the support of your husband in this?

mardavlais · June 2011

Would it help if your husband was the liason? I know you probably want to handle your own problems and that it's more mature to deal with issues directly b/w the people involved, however... if she isn't supportive in words or deeds, you might need to ask him for help. - I'd do that or I'd ask them to come visit on our turf where I would rule the kitchen

mdgracia · June 2011

Wow! Is your mother in law my Mom? I have the same issue when I visit my Mom. So I don't visit often sadly. When I do visit I started carrying my food already prepared in Tupperware type containers. The system I bought is on Chris Powell's site. But it is only enough for one day, so I carry an ice chest full of my prepared food and and tell her my doctor has me on a strict diet for health reasons and I can only eat certain foods. I even had my doctor fill out a prescription that states, "Follow prescribed diet exactly for 90 days." I also do not talk about losing weight, but having "food allergies" that make it hard for me to eat foods outside my "prescribed diet." So far it has worked for me. I use the same excuses with friends who want me to go out to eat all the time. Somehow saying you have a food allergy stops them from pushing food because they are concerned for your health. Weird, seeing how being overweight is a health concern, but people do everything imaginable to sabotage you. So I am no longer losing weight, but eating differently for my "food allergy." I just wish i wasn't allergic to that chocolate cake Mom makes

wintermama13 · June 2011

Same thing here with my future mom-in-law....she cooks up a storm. A delicious, never-ending, calorie explosion of a storm!! I try my best to go for extra walks or get moving more when we are around each other, drink extra water and try to take small small portions. Good luck, if this is a forever life change, there's bound to be times you don't stick to it 100%. Just get back on the horse when that happens!

Frankenbarbie01 · June 2011

Just lie to her...
"Oh I'm sorry I cant eat that. Ive been having trouble with allergies and my Dr said..........." But be prepared to help prepare the food and have an alternative.
OR you could say your husband has learned to prefer his food cooked like this....to keep his blood pressure down/cholesterol down/make healthier choices....and proceed to follow through. then remind hubby Happy wife Happy life!!

nosey_rosey · June 2011

My mother-n -law is the same way!! We went to her house tonight for Fathers Day dinner and she made everything she knows makes me weak to try and make me cave! I ate TINY portions and said thank you..... as much as I want to ring her neck I am proud that I am strong and choose what goes in my body! I feel for ya girl!!!

Jade1964 · June 2011

Thanks for the great response lejess.

Yes samickgirl I do have his support it is just that........well you don't know the mother in law.

I do understand what you are saying lejess but I don't want to ruin all of my hard work by putting crap into my mouth that I don't want to nor really like.

For lunch she makes either grilled cheese sandwiches with a load of butter on it or meat sandwiches with butter. I have offered to help make the sandwiches or at least make my own and she won't let me. She loves to put butter on the meat sandwiches which is totally disgusting. I have asked her very nicely to please not put butter on my sandwich and she still does. So then instead of eating lunch there we started going into Subway into town for lunch and you would have thought we were eating a $200 meal. They have food in the house and there is no reason for us to be going and spending our money on food outside of the house.

As I said earlier he does support me and he offered to call his mother and request that we cook while we are there. Last time we tried this she was very vocal about the fact that she did not want to eat any food I cooked at all.

With that being said what I was seriously thinking about doing is just packing a cooler and leaving it in our room with a majority of my meals and snacks in it and eating that way.

Jade1964 · June 2011

Wow everyone thanks for all the great input. I received all these response while typing out my first response.

Thanks!!!!!

sydneygambee · June 2011

I think this is something where you have to just try to control portions. As much as it sucks, there's not always going to be a time for you to cook what you want. Part of the challenge of making a lifestyle change is learning to adjust to situations outside your control, but still control how much or what you choose to eat. However, if she's putting butter on EVERYTHING, I can see how that may be difficult! Try to control portion sizes, and see how that works out...

Strive2BLean · June 2011

Jade, my mother-in-law lived with us for twenty years and we were always and still are not on good terms because she always wanted to rule in my own house. If it were me I would ask my husband for support otherwise I would refuse to go. I know what you're up against and in these situations, sadly, no one wins. It's too bad that people are so selfish and disregard others in a passive aggressive way. Believe me I tried everything to get along best I could with mine and she always found a way to get under my skin till the day I told her I was done with her. But my best advice to you would be to do what is good for you because you are important too and you are worth it! There is no reason why she can't be happy to help you stick to your eating plan. Good luck and don't let it get you down.

Advice/HELP needed

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