Depression?

I suffer from depression. The intensity of it varies, and yes, I did over eat. I ate for every emotion: anger, sadness, happiness. If something didn't go right, I would run to the dollar store and load up on pure *kitten* (pardon me) to eat. Then I would feel worse for eating it because a problem of mine is being over weight. When I'm depressed, I eat. When I eat, I get more depressed. Vicious cycle.

So I started to just force myself to be mindful. Weigh out everything. Measure everything. I feel better. When I feel down, I EXERCISE. I don't eat. I don't treat my emotions with harmful junk food, go for a walk, get on a machine, do squats. I've become much happier in a short amount of time cutting out mindless junk food.

My symptoms are never managed. I just changed how I treat them.

I have struggled with depression since I was a kid. My weight Has Yo-yo'd up to 280s, down to 150 and back up. I have used food to numb pain always, i snuck food when i was a kid. I know that I have to change how I view food. It has to be nutrition and fuel and not comfort and a tool for self sabotage or self abuse. I know it intellectually and think at the very day, I think efore I eat. 43 days in this time and I feel pretty great almost every day.....lol.

Yes. I exercise, it releases natural endorphins and helps me feel better.
Sometimes it's a struggle to start but I always feel better afterwards.

I'm bipolar 2/have bipolar 2 (depending on your preference!) and a bunch of other comorbid mental illnesses. It's not fun and my go to in the past was to self medicate with food. My condition isn't managed at all really, I've just found mechanisms with which to manage my weight loss and exercise goals. Mostly through creating habits and sacrificing other things.

Number one biggest thing that got my consumption and bingeing under control has been logging. Religiously. Everything every day, no ifs ands or buts. Just confronting it made me change. There are large swathes of time I have no cognitive ability to prepare meals so I just do what I can getting the best quality ready meals etc I can but still staying within my goal. If my home get s bit grimy then so be it, my health is more important than laundry.

Exercise has also helped massively, that is now my coping mechanism and part of my daily routine. I really believe it has helped control the very extremes of my moods and shortened the duration of some episodes. So I just make myself do it. I know that's easier said than done. But in the last 10 months there has only been one two week period where I was just too unwell to force myself and then I just nipped it in the bud and got my butt up and did it. A lot of times I have just crawled straight back into bed afterwards.

Structure is very helpful. I have a daily routine and I often also have a structured workout routine so there's no thinking. I just do what's on my schedule.

It's hard, for me it will always be hard. But I am damned if this illness is going to rob me of my physical health on top of my mental health.

VintageFeline wrote: »

I'm bipolar 2/have bipolar 2 (depending on your preference!) and a bunch of other comorbid mental illnesses. It's not fun and my go to in the past was to self medicate with food. My condition isn't managed at all really, I've just found mechanisms with which to manage my weight loss and exercise goals. Mostly through creating habits and sacrificing other things.

Number one biggest thing that got my consumption and bingeing under control has been logging. Religiously. Everything every day, no ifs ands or buts. Just confronting it made me change. There are large swathes of time I have no cognitive ability to prepare meals so I just do what I can getting the best quality ready meals etc I can but still staying within my goal. If my home get s bit grimy then so be it, my health is more important than laundry.

Exercise has also helped massively, that is now my coping mechanism and part of my daily routine. I really believe it has helped control the very extremes of my moods and shortened the duration of some episodes. So I just make myself do it. I know that's easier said than done. But in the last 10 months there has only been one two week period where I was just too unwell to force myself and then I just nipped it in the bud and got my butt up and did it. A lot of times I have just crawled straight back into bed afterwards.

Structure is very helpful. I have a daily routine and I often also have a structured workout routine so there's no thinking. I just do what's on my schedule.

It's hard, for me it will always be hard. But I am damned if this illness is going to rob me of my physical health on top of my mental health.

I think you are my new hero. Thanks for sharing.

I have an enormous amount of respect for people living with mental illness, or co-occurring in your case. The fact that you stay on track and log daily no matter what is what is heroic in my opinion.

StarlightAria wrote: »

Thank you for your replies. I think it's time for me to talk to my doc about my depression. They've asked me before but I was too ashamed to admit it, but now I can't deal with it anymore. I just fee so helpless and hopeless and like nothing will ever go right...including my weight.

I definitely do the sad-eat-self deprication thing. I think the depression helps with my 0 willpower but I'm not sure.

I'm scared I'm going to end up 600 lbs but I can't stop eating when there is food available. I can't resist. I feel like a failure and it makes me even more sad.

You said it in your first paragraph- it's definitely a good idea to tell your doc. It's understandable that you're having a hard time bringing it up, but please don't feel that you should be ashamed. There are so many people that struggle with this and it's absolutely okay to have whatever support you need to get back on track and feel good.

VintageFeline wrote: »

All of what you're feeling, the shame, the self hate, the doubts, that's the depression being a lying wotsit.

I had to be in a period when my depression wasn't quite as bad as usual to get started, habit took over from there.

Speak to your doctor, if medication is suggested try it, if the first one you try doesn't work, switch. Tackling your mental health is as important as your physical health and often needs to come first.

Yes, what she says.

StarlightAria wrote: »

I had to go to the doctor today because I'm sick. Possible strep and all that. But I talked to the doctor today and he put me on anti-depressants.

So...I'm on my way.

Medications can help get you out of a cycle. I have struggled with anxiety and depression. I started with talk therapy, then medications. I have been on the medication for years and in and out of therapy. I was at the point where I was mentally healthy enough to work on the physical. When I added eating healthy and exercise (walking) while continuing my medications my mood greatly improved. There are certain times of the year that are more difficult. I sailed through one of those periods and only had a small hick-up during Christmas. Be patient with yourself and keep trying until you find the right medication or combination of medications that work for you.

There is an awesome depression thread that's been going on for a while if you want to look at it. I personally read all 14 pages and found it super helpeful. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10058170/depression-and-weight-loss#latest

(Feel free to ignore this btw if its not what you're looking for)

EDIT: sorry I totally didn't notice someone already pointed out this thread. My bad.

StarlightAria wrote: »

That's the idea. He wants to see me in six weeks to review everything with him again and to see how the first set makes me feel.

That's great. Don't be discouraged if it's not working and if you need a different dose or med. I went through 4 meds on many different dosages to find the right thing and while it was hard as hell in the moment, I've been doing well and maintaining on just yearly visits to check in for 6 years now.

StarlightAria wrote: »

That's the idea. He wants to see me in six weeks to review everything with him again and to see how the first set makes me feel.

Good for you!

drabbits2 wrote: »

Oh yes--me too. I have gained 25 pounds in the past year. It's awful. I am on Celexa and have ZERO motivation. I try to log sometimes, stay on track for a few days and then it goes away. Not good at all.

Keep reaching out......isolation is depression's best tool. Let others in to fight it.