Struggling to find motivation!

I need help and motivation so badly! I started losing weight a few years ago and gradually lost a total of 65lbs. A year ago I started to deal with some deep emotional issues. My teenage daughter's best friend is a close family friend. She had always been thin, but I assumed it was genetic build. One day it struck me how very thin she was getting and also that she didn't seem to be growing or developing the way a teen girl should. The short version is that she is anorexic and probably was always underweight because her eating patterns were learned from her mom who is considered to be a very attractive woman with a beautiful figure. This shook my world. It made me think about my own eating disorders and unhealthy relationship with food. I felt angry at society's focus on body image. I had been so worried about this girl and couldn't get most people to see what I was seeing. People were probably assuming that my family is overweight and would therefore perceive a healthy person as being underweight. At the time I was trying to get help for this girl, she was 15 yrs old and weighed 66 lbs and was about 4'10". She continued to lose weight and at her lowest was around 50-55 lbs before she ended up in a hospital. I felt very angry and frustrated at the whole situation, but mainly that I couldn't convince anyone that she needed help. I believe this is partly because so many people that we, as a society, idealize are actually underweight.
I felt very powerless in my life and essentially have gained about 25 lbs in the last nine months. I don't like going to the gym, because I get emotional when I work out and just want to cry and scream. I don't want to give up my comfort foods because I'm afraid I'll cry and scream. I feel like I don't have time to have an emotional breakdown. The more I think about it I feel like a functioning alcoholic who doesn't have time to get sober because it will be hard work, emotionally. I just don't feel like I have the emotional energy to do it.
This last year was a very hard year. One of the people I had to fight to get this girl help was my own father who was our pastor. I lost the image of my dad that I had. I lost respect for him. I lost the relationship I thought I had with him. I feel like I'm grieving a death. I don't have many people I can talk to. I live with my parents so it's not wise of me to tell things that could cause a lot of trouble for my church, my family, and myself. I'm struggling with very deep depression and don't have many people I can turn to or even be honest with. I have been in counseling, but I feel too tired for that now.
If anyone has been through these tough times and overcome or successfully got back on track, I would loved to hear your success stories. I'm afraid to end my weight loss journey, but even more afraid that I'll end up gaining all my weight back. I worked too hard to have to lose all that again!