Need friend advice please. Should I be mad????

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tbullucks2006
tbullucks2006 Posts: 105 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi All,

I'm not sure where else to ask this at but it's been bothering me for a few weeks. I have a friend of 15 years that has recently been making me seriously question our friendship.
Here's the situation. My friend lives about 40 minutes away and due to the semi-distance, busy lives and schedules, we really don't get together that much. I've noticed that anytime she gets out of the house she likes to tag herself as being there (restaurants mostly) on Facebook. The problem is that there have been about 5 different times now where she has been out somewhere that is literally 5 minutes from my house and has never got in contact with me with her being so close. I find out from Facebook. I guess I just feel like if we are such good friends, then why does she do this? She's told me I'm like her family and says she loves me every time we hang up from our long phone conversations. I don't expect to be contacted every time she's near but at least once would have been nice.
This happened again recently when she went out to lunch with another friend of mine that was 5 minutes away from my job. Neither of them thought to ask me if I could join them. Her excuse was she didn't realize the restaurant was close to the city where I work. She could have contacted me to join them when she realized that it was near me but I was never thought of. It really pisses me off and hurts my feelings to not be considered. Both of these girls are stay at home moms and I see them out to lunch together on Facebook all of the time. Obviously I know its not realistic to think they would have invited me if they were not close. If I'm being honest, I'm probably a bit jealous they don't have to work a regular 9-5 jobs like I do and their kids are in school all day. She apologized for the lunch deal because I couldn't hide my feelings about it like I have in the past and I showed my anger through text messages. However, I never mentioned that I was mad about the other times as well.
It's to the point now where other things she is doing that are starting to annoy me too. I won't get into all that but....can someone please give me some perspective on this? I'm starting to not want to deal with her and I don't want to do that if I'm being unfair. Am I just being overly sensitive? What should I say to her? Should I say anything at all? I would appreciate your feedback! <3:)

Replies

  • junelove89
    junelove89 Posts: 759 Member
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    I'm in a similar situation with my best friend. She goes out and I come to find out when I see posts or I hear them comment about it with mutual friends and I feel left out. I know we both have friends that aren't mutual and we may not always do things together, but it does hurt when you're the best friend and someone else knows more than you or has experienced something new in which you should have been the one. I would say don't take it too personal. Make time with other friends and just brush it off. That's no reason to break a long time friendship that you two share. That's just my opinion.
  • yasminara
    yasminara Posts: 247 Member
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    If she's also hanging out with other people, I might be annoyed too. The times she goes by herself I would say sometimes people want tk be by themselves, as i like going out alone sometimes. It annoys the crap out of my gf who i love but loves spending time with me. Its nothing personal just its a different experience when i go to lunch just by myself.

    As annoying and frustrating as it is, especially since you've brought it up before--I'd let it go. I know y'all are close, but friendships can change and it just sounds like she's a tiny bit self centered. Only to say don't sweat her if she's clearly not sweating you.

    She's not right by any means, but it'll save you your sanity.
  • tbullucks2006
    tbullucks2006 Posts: 105 Member
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    I have other friends and do other things without her - but not 5 minutes from her house. If I've done anything out there near her, I've called her up and invited her. She has gone to these places near me with other friends, her husband and 9 year old daughter or just her daughter. That being said - she's never done anything wrong to me and is always supportive. So maybe I should give her a break. :)

    [quote="

    As annoying and frustrating as it is, especially since you've brought it up before--I'd let it go. I know y'all are close, but friendships can change and it just sounds like she's a tiny bit self centered. Only to say don't sweat her if she's clearly not sweating you.

    She's not right by any means, but it'll save you your sanity. [/quote]

    [quote=" I would say don't take it too personal. Make time with other friends and just brush it off. That's no reason to break a long time friendship that you two share. [/quote]

  • yasminara
    yasminara Posts: 247 Member
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    Yeah I bet she's totally unaware haha. It used to drive me NUTS that some of my gf's were bad texters to me and would respond to other nonsense...unfortunately some peeps dont have the same awareness. Also, Im sure you do have a ton of friends and stuff, I only mean I also have some self centered friends, and it was easier to let it go chz it was annoying haha
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    So why don't you make plans with her? Maybe if she refused on the basis it's too far and then saw other people in the same town.

    If I make plans with other people - or they make plans with me, no sorry, I don't think about who else to include. Especially for things like lunch, that take 60 minutes or less.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    itsfuntobenormal wrote: »
    So why don't you make plans with her? Maybe if she refused on the basis it's too far and then saw other people in the same town.

    If I make plans with other people - or they make plans with me, no sorry, I don't think about who else to include. Especially for things like lunch, that take 60 minutes or less.


    If I make plans with you you better not include anyone else unless she's really hot.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    Have you tried reaching out to this friend and making plans? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own feelings that we fail to see the situation from all sides, maybe you should call this friend up and say "hey I miss your face, and we need to make a date and put that ish on the calendar right now".

    Also, We sometimes take our closest friends for granted and might even sub consciously neglect them because we know that no matter what the distance, or amount of time that goes by they will still be there because thats what true lifelong friends are about ( I have 3 of them ) Maybe just try talking to her?
  • tbullucks2006
    tbullucks2006 Posts: 105 Member
    edited February 2016
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    We do things together. We usually meet somewhere half way. Also, she's driven to where I live to hang out and vice versa. It just doesn't happen very often. Honestly with schedules and responsibilities we only see each other a couple times a year. 5 max probably. So when she's been 5 minutes from me I've gotten a bit upset that she was so close and I didn't get invited to spend time with her. Maybe I just miss her.
  • Nell8i8
    Nell8i8 Posts: 61 Member
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    Ok I'm going to play devil's advocate here as I've been on the other side of this scenario. I've had a friend tell me I was always doing things without her on facebook. Granted that it annoys me when people take anything I post on facebook as a personal attack to our friendship. Most times I really enjoy the one on one time with a friend. I don't think to invite anyone else because I feel like I get more quality time sometimes with just the one friend. So please realize she has the right to hang out with other people without it being personal. I often just find meetings with people convenient and I don't think about inviting anyone else. I understand it feels pretty crummy to feel left out but as you stated she is a supportive friend and you don't feel wronged by her, just left out. Does she turn down meeting you when you invite her somewhere? If not then I would say just give her a break. If you really miss her just give her a ring and plan something special. Be the kind of friend she needs too. :smile:
  • tbullucks2006
    tbullucks2006 Posts: 105 Member
    edited February 2016
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    [quote=" So please realize she has the right to hang out with other people without it being personal. [/quote] I totally agree and probably just needed to hear it. Yeah I don't think I am doing this quote thing right. :)

  • kchuskey
    kchuskey Posts: 882 Member
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    Be mad... Be very, very mad.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    I had a very similar situation. I am a stay at home mom; and in your friend's defense, she may think you are too busy at work to break away, and it might be a hassle for you to leave work to listen to her and the other friend spend most of the time talking about kids (which is likely what they are doing). She might think you are not super interested. However if you have mentioned that she was close; and you would be interested in meeting, she should have picked up on the hint.

    I got stood up by my friend half a dozen times, b/c she suddenly had to work; and basically told me that since I don't currently work I could just rearrange my schedule. We aren't friends anymore. It got very ugly. I would suggest just giving her space and not overreacting if you want to try to have a relationship in the future. See how things play out. Not all friendships are meant to last forever, and what worked for one period in your life may not work at a different point.

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