Should I? Or no?

Options
abalicious
abalicious Posts: 361 Member
in Chit-Chat
I got asked out on a date for tomorrow night. However, my boyfriend and I just broke up on thursday and it's been very difficult to get over. We dated for a year and still talk every day since breaking up. We are talking about getting back together but he's not concerned about when. I hate waiting around in this "in between" phase with my ex, but at the same time, I kind of feel like I'm cheating on him by accepting this date (even though technically I'm not). It's not like the date tomorrow has to end with a kiss and it doesn't have to turn into anything. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm thinking there's no harm in going since I already accepted, but I feel unsure because ex and I still love each other deeply. Thoughts?

Edit: I also feel bad for the guy who asked me out. I like him but I don't want to give him the wrong idea. He just got out of a relationship as well and he said we will just talk and see what happens. It's not like we're looking to rush into a relationship. I just don't want to give him the wrong idea.

Replies

  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    Options
    I got asked out on a date for tomorrow night. However, my boyfriend and I just broke up on thursday and it's been very difficult to get over. We dated for a year and still talk every day since breaking up. We are talking about getting back together but he's not concerned about when. I hate waiting around in this "in between" phase with my ex, but at the same time, I kind of feel like I'm cheating on him by accepting this date (even though technically I'm not). It's not like the date tomorrow has to end with a kiss and it doesn't have to turn into anything. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm thinking there's no harm in going since I already accepted, but I feel unsure because ex and I still love each other deeply. Thoughts?

    Edit: I also feel bad for the guy who asked me out. I like him but I don't want to give him the wrong idea. He just got out of a relationship as well and he said we will just talk and see what happens. It's not like we're looking to rush into a relationship. I just don't want to give him the wrong idea.

    Go with what you want to do. But, I think it could be fun. There will be plenty more dates in the future potentially with other people. Why not just go out and see what this guy has to offer? You can be up front with him and let him know that you just got out of a relationship and are just looking for a fun night out...
  • elliecolorado
    elliecolorado Posts: 1,040
    Options
    I'd do it! The last relationship I got out of (we had been together 2 years) and I went out on a date with someone else like 6 hours after I broke up with him. Also every time that we broke up even temporarily throughout our relationship I dated other people.
  • Alure
    Alure Posts: 30
    Options
    I say go. It isn't fair for you to wait around waiting to see if something might happen someday with your ex. Especially where you have an understanding with your new interest that you aren't looking to get serious. Have some fun :)
  • anna_lisa
    anna_lisa Posts: 486 Member
    Options
    Hard to say............ Why did you break up if you love eachother so much........ I hope I don't sound insensitive
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    Options
    If you think it might help you relax or you could have a good time... why not?
  • DancinSMartiPants
    DancinSMartiPants Posts: 363
    Options
    Agreed.
  • ka_bateman
    ka_bateman Posts: 230 Member
    Options
    same thing happened to me when my husband and I split. Had I dated someone else, I would've felt like I was cheating. We always talked about getting back together and I didn't want to do anything that might've messed that up. Distance was a big issue...love...never a problem.

    Anyhow, after 9months we had worked through our problems and were married 9 years this last june.

    Just my thoughts...if there's a chance to get back together and you're serious about wanting to, then forget dinner. Whatever you decide...Good luck!
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    Options
    Go out...have fun...if nothing else, you'll just get a good friend out of the deal (especially if both of you recently left relationships, friendship might be the best way to go anyway)

    I'd love to be in your position...I haven't had a date in a year, and haven't had a boyfriend in seven years...geez...now I'm kinda depressed lol
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Options
    All I can hear is Ross from Friends saying "We were ON a BREAK!" haha.

    I would mention it to the ex-boyfriend for sure, just so that if you do get back together he doesn't find out about it later and think you were deceiving him. AS for actually going out, I say go for it. Dinner and talking isn't going to hurt anything.
  • abalicious
    abalicious Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    Hard to say............ Why did you break up if you love eachother so much........ I hope I don't sound insensitive

    I'm a firm believer that just because you are in love, that doesn't mean it works. You need other factors to create a strong relationship. Don't get me wrong, we would do anything for each other, but there were some problems once he moved (he didn't cheat or anything terrible) and we never really worked through them together. I had so many things building up at once and then he did something stupid, so I snapped and broke up with him on a whim. I really regret it but have to deal with it for now.
  • ritaadkins2002
    ritaadkins2002 Posts: 371 Member
    Options
    i think u need time for yourself, sometimes we need time for our selfs to see what we want out of life.. you are still rebound on the last relationship. maybe just take time for you and listen to your heart to lead u the way.,
  • abalicious
    abalicious Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    All I can hear is Ross from Friends saying "We were ON a BREAK!" haha.

    LOL!!!! I <3 Ross
  • anna_lisa
    anna_lisa Posts: 486 Member
    Options
    well then I would agree with what others are saying, relax and enjoy yourself
  • kimi131
    kimi131 Posts: 1,058 Member
    Options
    I think you should go for it. Be honest with the guy from the beginning. I would bring it up very early into the date. Something along the lines of, "Listen, I want to be honest with you. I am still talking to my ex and I still have feelings for him. I know you are just coming out of a relationship too. I don't know what you had in mind for all of this, where it would take us, etc., but I can tell you right now - I'm not ready to pursue a relationship... and my guess is that you're not either. So, let's have fun tonight, but be open and honest with ourselves and each other." Ok, those are my words, use whatever feels comfortable for you, but I DEFINITELY say you should be honest with the guy from the get-go, but go out and have fun.

    As for the ex, you should probably mention it to him either before this "date" or very early into any relationship between you and ex that reignites. Heck, it's often said that guys want what other guys want. In other words, perhaps once he sees you going out, dating, having fun, he'll realize what he's missing.

    My very-recent ex has been texting me too. He's asked me to come over to spend time with him and his family multiple times. I can't tell if his intentions are romantic, or if he just enjoys my company and wants me around (I tend to think it's the latter). Several times he's asked, I've been out with friends, "Sorry, I can't - I'm out with X doing Y." He hasn't said so, but I can tell he's a bit surprised. Tonight, he called to ask me to dinner. I was already eating dinner with friends. Later tonight, I had forgotten to check my phone. I had 2 texts from him - 1 was just a hello, but I hadn't turned my ringer on so I didn't see it. The second one said something along the lines of, "I guess you're still out and about. We can talk later :)." I'm not intentionally avoiding him, but I secretly love that I have just been too busy for him.

    My mom often tells the story of when my parents were dating and he told her they should see other people. He called her back a few hours later and said he had changed his mind - he didn't like the idea of her seeing other people. She said, "well, make up your mind - I have a date tonight." You can guess the rest of the story. That was a real wake up call for Dad because he realized that she wasn't just sitting at home waiting for him to call. 32 years later, they are still happily married :).

    My point is (sorry, longgg reply), it is okay to go out and have a good time. In fact, I say it is necessary. Make yourself unavailable once in a while. One of three things will happen: 1) The ex will wake up and decide he wants you back sooner rather than later, 2) you will realize you are completely happy by yourself, or 3) you will find someone else.

    Good luck girl! Let me know what you decide.
  • abalicious
    abalicious Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone! I realized over the past couple of days that being "unavailable" is driving my ex crazy lol. I decided to accept the date and he is picking me up tomorrow night at 9 for ice cream :smile: I told my ex about the date and he absolutely FLIPPED. He made up some bad story about how some girl asked him out too but he said 'no'. LOL. I told my ex straight up, "It's unfair that you're making me wait around, it seems like you have all the say in if we get back together again" and he became flustered and stopped messaging me. He said we would discuss it tomorrow but tomorrow I'll be on my date which does not need interruptions :laugh:

Categories