Where do I even start

I have trouble keeping up with something like this because I lack motivation. About four years ago I got pregnant with my daughter gained a bunch a of and then lost just a little a month after having my daughter my mom died so I started eating to curb my feelings and gained more weight. I got married and then got pregnant with my son and then yet again gained more. I am now well over the point of feeling comfortable in any sense I'm tired of my clothes feeling too tight or that I have to stretch them out. With two kids and work and taking care of my grandfather I barely have time for myself. I really need some kind of motivation or even a sense of direction. I'm tired of being depressed because of my weight I've never felt so low in my life.