Unsupportive friends and family

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Cementite
Cementite Posts: 17 Member
in Motivation and Support
I feel many times that people around me just don't support me on my weight loss / maintenance. "you're fine" they say. Well, I'm now, after dieting. But I still need to maintain, which can be as hard as losing weight!
And after they discover I'm logging meals and counting calories they look and talk to me as if I have an eating disorder. It's really unmotivating and I don't know how to react and explain that this is really helpful. People should be happy I'm getting healthier! Have you felt this?
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Replies

  • sianeznancy
    sianeznancy Posts: 1 Member
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    I totally understand you. My boyfriend keeps stating that I look fine. But I don't feel fine. I have gained weight since the summer and I no longer feel healthy.
  • OliviaCounts
    OliviaCounts Posts: 36 Member
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    It's really hard to communicate your weight goals to people who don't understand that self-restraint is a healthy thing. Even when they see that what you're doing is working, they still pity you instead of encouraging you.

    Most people aren't willing to put in the effort to count calories and log every day. When you do you achieve results. How is what you're doing any different than someone who sets an educational goal, or a physical training goal? If you use an analogy like that and they still aren't getting you (or they don't want to), it may be time to set their opinions aside and do what's right for you.
  • NaturalNancy
    NaturalNancy Posts: 1,093 Member
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    If they aren't supportive, don't share it with them!

    Do what makes you happy. Forget what they think. If it makes you feel good then try to ignore what they say or think and stay motivated for yourself.

    It is annoying and dissapointing when your own family or friends are not encouraging, but just stick with it and pay them no mind.
    ;-)
  • A_New_Creation
    A_New_Creation Posts: 169 Member
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    I often get this kind of response when I'm seen weighing my food. It sucks. But honestly, I just keep doing it because I'm focusing on my results and seeing progress. Sometimes I'll say that it's part of portion control, which is part of healthy eating, and that's it.
    Wish you the best in this.
  • draekin13
    draekin13 Posts: 27 Member
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    I have lost a lot of weight but still have a bit more to be where I want to be. My family is not supportive at all. I believe the reasoning for this is jealousy. The rest of my family has gained weight and very unhealthy. When they see me now that I have lost 135ish pounds they tell me I look too skinny, I look unhealthy, and ask if I'm dying. All the comments I get from them drive me insane but I just have to remember I am doing this for myself and no one else.

    It all comes down to people will always judge you, whether for this or something else. The hard part is how you deflect it and don't let it bother you, that is much easier said than done.
  • blancoms
    blancoms Posts: 165 Member
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    When I first rejoined mfp in January my husband was not supportive at all. He thought all I needed to do was exercise a little. He would get upset and annoyed seeing me log everything or asking him what he put in a meal he made so I could estimate calories or even if I said I couldn't eat something (because it wouldn't fit into my daily goals) or getting up from the table and pulling a bag from the trash so I could scan it.

    Me losing weight put him in a bad mood a lot of the time.

    I have one pound to lose before I move from obese to overweight on the bmi scale, so clearly I need to lose the weight.
    I've lost 20 lbs so far. Now that he's seen the progress he's accepted this whole lifestyle of mine a little more seeing there's real result and I'm not being crazy.
  • Luna_Moon23
    Luna_Moon23 Posts: 1 Member
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    I've felt the same way! My goal is to do a bikini competition and my family says "ew! You're not going to get all gross and muscle-y, are you?". As if being muscular is ugly and being fit is gross
  • treehopper1987
    treehopper1987 Posts: 505 Member
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    It's tough. I have a lot of overweight family members, and I'm probably the healthiest of them. I always get the "make sure you're not making yourself sick." Which I have never understood because I have always felt better when losing weight. I think that's a varied way of saying you have an eating disorder or something. I think part of it is from their lack of willpower, and you make them feel bad about it because they see how successful you are. The best thing is just to ignore their comments as hard as it can be. Finding people that are supportive of your goals can help make your life easier. If you are a gym member try to make friends there, since they most likely have similar goals as you. Keep at it.
  • daniellejacobs714
    daniellejacobs714 Posts: 10 Member
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    I've found most people aren't supportive for some reason, as well. I don't have anything really to say other than you've got a great community here. Please add me, if you'd like!
  • 2snakeswoman
    2snakeswoman Posts: 655 Member
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    Well, don't throw pearls at pigs' feet. Share here; you'll get support.
  • sanfromny
    sanfromny Posts: 770 Member
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    I used to work at a job where we could've all been scale twins. I mean we were just all obese and overweight. I decided it was time for me to change. At first everyone was supportive and when the weight started coming off they were all in excitement and awe like "OMG, What are you doing?" But when they realized it wasn't just another 10lb weight loss fad and I was in it for the log haul they were in disgust like "OMG, What are you doing?"

    @draekin13 is absolutely right. Misappropriated anger and plain old fashion jealously. People can be unhappy with themselves for many reasons and when they see you trying to change and they don't know how to or just don't have the willpower to they combat the feeling by exuding feelings of ill-will towards you instead of to themselves because they aren't motivated or ready to change.

    You wanna change? You're ready to change? You've found the right place. Screw them!
  • janicelo1971
    janicelo1971 Posts: 823 Member
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    i have felt that also....i ignore them and move on. life is too short. i log each night or in the AM before work and dont discuss it anymore...been maintaining for a year and you have to do what works best for you!!! good luck
  • Cementite
    Cementite Posts: 17 Member
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    Thank you all so much for your responses. I need to let this out and realize is just something that happens everywhere. I also have supportive people around me, fortunately.
    The weight issue is with me since I remember. I have never been obese, but always on the top of BMI scale or slightly overweight. My friends were always skinny and I have always been self-conscious of my weight. I have tried many times to lose weight, so this is a very emotional issue for me. And it just affects me a lot when I hear such unsupportive comments from other people. But it's just like you all said: just keeping doing my thing (which is working) and ignore those comments.
    Thank you all!
  • JLove115
    JLove115 Posts: 34 Member
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    It is true, people can't handle watching you do what they feel they can't. People at work give me a hard time saying "your not going to get too skinny are you", or they badger me to eat things I don't want to. It is all because they feel like they couldn't stay focused and lose the weight. I realized I needed to keep positive ad encourage them. Instead of making it something I was doing I made it something we all could do together. Not everyone was on board, but I few people.
  • lgrix
    lgrix Posts: 160 Member
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    Your weight loss and maintenance is all about YOU! Congratulations on your accomplishments. Don't worry about the folks who don't get it, that's their problem, not yours. For every person who is not supportive, there are probably three that are struggling to do what you have already done and would love to hear about what you are doing right.
  • ironhajee
    ironhajee Posts: 384 Member
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    I support ya ;)
  • butterflylady86
    butterflylady86 Posts: 369 Member
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    Congratulations on the loss. You have to take care of yourself. Ignore the haters. You awesome :) Move forward and look for support outside of family. Bless you.
  • Avenged_Sevenx
    Avenged_Sevenx Posts: 44 Member
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    There's nothing more annoying than when you talk about losing weight and someone says "you look fine!"

    I'm not doing this to satisfy anyone but myself. If I say I'm not fine, I'm not fine..

    If you need motivation, feel free to add me.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    edited March 2016
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    No. I don't wait for people to motivate and support me. If I sense that logging my food in front of someone will elicit a strange/uncomfortable response, I will do it in private after-or if I know what I will be eating with them, I'll try to pre-log it.

    ETA: I've learned that no one cares about your macros. Sometimes you have to keep it to yourself.
  • amclain93
    amclain93 Posts: 64 Member
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    I just don't tell anyone what I'm doing. Not because they wont be supportive, but because theyll get super annoying about it, and make it about them, not me. A few years back i mentioned wanting to join a gym and my maternal figure somehow turned it into an hour long sob fest about how SHE needed to lose weight. I have very few things that are just for me, and this is one of them.

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