looked at my husband and he looks so ooooo fat!
tabletmfp
Posts: 53 Member
Hey has anyone here looked at their spouse differently lately? Ok I'm not perfect and we are both getting old, but gosh I have tried hard to look healthy,,,,and he has not ...and so I look ok for 54 but he's 56 and looks fat and unhealthy. I am sorry, I wouldn't say this to him. I'm just venting off here in private
....In have nobody else to tell
. I feel terrible now...
....In have nobody else to tell
. I feel terrible now...
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I wonder if you could quietly help him. When it's your turn to cook, could you make scrumptious meals from the Weight Watchers recipe books followed by a low calorie dessert with low fat milk in it. Calcium desserts can help with satisfaction. Don't tell him it's low calorie or make him feel bad about his body. That won't help. And maybe you could ask him to help you with a gardening project that you could do together. And sometimes ask him to go for a romantic stroll together. Don't call it exercise. Call it couple time. Home made snacks are less calorific than shop ones. Can you bake some sweet potato chips that you will enjoy too? Does he love take away? There are Weight Watchers versions of most take away meals. Does he love beer? Can you create cool low calorie drinks to serve with meals if he would like to have them? There's no need to say anything to him but you have so much scope to make delicious food that you will love too which will quietly change his weight.0
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You're venting, yeah. But not in private.0
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If you wouldn't say it to him, do you really think that it is okay to say it to someone else?
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arditarose wrote: »You're venting, yeah. But not in private.
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Thanks rosemary. Well I fast 3 days a week. That's how I keep my weight down. He eats much the same as I do, maybe a bit more , on my non fast days. The thing is, he eats the same amount every day. He does not eat a high amount one day and compensate with a much smaller amount the next day. He says he needs the larger amount of calories every day because he does a manual job, outside in cold weather!0
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Wow!0
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I don't have a spouse or anything but my mom went through the same thing with my dad she actually switched foods out for healthy foods like if there was peanut butter she would put low fat peanut butter in the container without him knowing he did that with all of this food0
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I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.0
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The Weight Watchers book .'Hearty' has recipes like ravioli pasta bake and slow cooked sticky pork. Their book 'Family Favorites' has beef and lentil burgers with grilled onions. Those would probably satisfy him. If you switched to healthy food every day, you could still lose weight but provide food to keep him nourished and satisfied in a healthy way.0
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Remember- what you don't want , someone else may be glad to have. Sometimes looks aren't the most important feature in a man.0 -
If you not happy with the way he looks tell him and help him out, not come on here and talk behind his back.0
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I've been through hell and back with relationships. Looks is at the very bottom of the list of things to care about. I think you need to spend more time focusing on all the positive things about him. It's painful to see others talk poorly about their significant other, especially in a very public setting.0
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thorsmom01 wrote: »Remember- what you don't want , someone else may be glad to have. Sometimes looks aren't the most important feature in a man.
QFT0 -
Please, please don't try and trick him into losing weight to make you happy. Chances are he's not stupid, will catch on to what you're doing, and be upset. What if this was in the reverse and it was a man venting to strangers about his fat wife? Have some tact. You are clearly old enough to be able to talk to him point blank about his weight. Please do so without saying some thing like 'you look sooooooooo fat!!'. Be prepared and willing to accept that maybe he just doesn't want to lose weight? Unless there is a legitimate health concern that has been properly diagnosed by his doctor, let the man do what he wants!0
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Ok, now that you've told us try to muster up the guts to just be honest and tell him. Let him know what you think. Let him know that you want him to be healthier so he can be around longer with you. I know looks aren't everything, but we can't live in a fairy tale and negate them. Find a way to kindly let him know that you're more attracted to him in a smaller, healthier state and that you'll join him on the journey to get both of you looking and feeling fit and healthy.0
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TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
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Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
How deep and insightful0 -
If he's medically unhealthy, which can mean his weight but more importantly his fitness levels, then maybe you can help him make some positive changes. But he has to want them and you will just support him.
If he isn't medically unhealthy - maybe he's heavier than you like but his doctor says he's fit - then this is an issue with your perception. (You say he does a manual job which makes it sound like he's probably fit.) You have to love him for who he is and the attributes he brings into the relationship. Just because you've changed your lifestyle and have lost weight doesn't mean everyone around you has to change too.0 -
This thread makes me sad. I would be devastated if someone did this to me, but I'm glad at the same time that in my heart I know my OH never would.
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arditarose wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
How deep and insightful
But it's kind of true like would you tell your kid he's fat no .. my mother did that with me
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Thanks rosemary. Well I fast 3 days a week. That's how I keep my weight down. He eats much the same as I do, maybe a bit more , on my non fast days. The thing is, he eats the same amount every day. He does not eat a high amount one day and compensate with a much smaller amount the next day. He says he needs the larger amount of calories every day because he does a manual job, outside in cold weather!
WOW, this is wrong on so many levels. I don't think I could be this disrespectful to my husband. Venting in public to complete strangers.....
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Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
You love them so much that you make a public posting calling them fat? Sounds more than just a little disrespectful to me.Please, please don't try and trick him into losing weight to make you happy. Chances are he's not stupid, will catch on to what you're doing, and be upset. What if this was in the reverse and it was a man venting to strangers about his fat wife? Have some tact. You are clearly old enough to be able to talk to him point blank about his weight. Please do so without saying some thing like 'you look sooooooooo fat!!'. Be prepared and willing to accept that maybe he just doesn't want to lose weight? Unless there is a legitimate health concern that has been properly diagnosed by his doctor, let the man do what he wants!
The outcome of that thread would be:
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Michaelg235 wrote: »arditarose wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
How deep and insightful
But it's kind of true like would you tell your kid he's fat no .. my mother did that with me
I would like to say that I am so sorry your mother did this to you. Mine has too, but as an adult, not as a child. It is hurtful and cruel, and can create some very big emotional concerns and long-term issues. I hope you are able to give yourself the support that your mother wouldn't
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The best part is how people are offended for someone else. Let alone an internet stranger.0
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arditarose wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »Remember- what you don't want , someone else may be glad to have. Sometimes looks aren't the most important feature in a man.
QFT
That 12 inch...
...wallet goes a long way.0 -
Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
I call b/s on this. If you love them THAT much, then you will have a talk with them and voice your concerns because you don't want it coming between the two of you. If you don't like the way your spouse looks, and keep quiet about it, resentment can grow, which leads to a whole other can of worms. Besides, ever hear of open communication? My very happy husband and I have an open dialogue, try it, it works.0 -
I find it abhorrent that you would start a thread because your husband gained weight. Not once did you say you were worried for his health, it is about his look. Do you think you still look the way you did when you met?
I know I'm 14lb heavier, have crows feet wrinkles, grey hairs and ill health.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »arditarose wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
How deep and insightful
But it's kind of true like would you tell your kid he's fat no .. my mother did that with me
I would like to say that I am so sorry your mother did this to you. Mine has too, but as an adult, not as a child. It is hurtful and cruel, and can create some very big emotional concerns and long-term issues. I hope you are able to give yourself the support that your mother wouldn't
I'm not trying to start anything but that was kind of a backhanded comment towards my mom . Its not like my moms only one in the world that does that . And she probably didn't want to say it because I had enough of it in school0 -
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