Girl, 19, trying not to go down that path.

helloclaire
helloclaire Posts: 191
edited September 28 in Introduce Yourself
Hello.

I've been using MFP on my iPhone for about ten days now, and I have lost 8.9 pounds during that time.

Some history first:

I have been on the heavier side since I was ten years old. I am and have been 5'6" for few years now. At my heaviest, which would be around when I was sixteen, I was 191 pounds. Ten days ago, when I jumped on the MFG bandwagon, I was 179 pounds.

Now, I am 170.1 pounds.

The thing is, I am afraid I am turning anorexic.

Seeing the weight go down consistently for a week, and that fast, was exciting, yes. But on the fifth day or so, I became so emotional after hearing a snide comment that I stuck a finger down my throat for the first time in my life. I threw up, but I hadn't eaten very much to begin with.

I almost threw up again the day after, but I stopped myself because I became so disgusted.

I have been going under the 1200 calorie intake almost consistently. I have gone over three times, out of the past three days. I have come to be proud of being hungry, and at times trying (and succeeding) in finding perfectly normal food disgusting. After "gaining" for the first time 0.4lb in a day (weight fluctuations are normal, and this turned out to be only 0.1lb later that night, too), I ended up eating only 623 calories yesterday.

I know the facts. I've been researching weight loss for years as I struggled, and I know that my body will go into starvation mode if I keep this up. I know that I am only supposed to lose 2 pounds a week.

That's why I need help.

Replies

  • Halzies702
    Halzies702 Posts: 5
    :(

    is there someone you can talk to about this? maybe you can set up an appointment with a counselor that specializes in eating disorders. i think it is good that you are recognizing these behaviors as being bad, but you need help in controlling yourself to not do them, and i don't think i am qualified to help you :(

    i really hope you can get this under control. your health is important, and if you do it the healthy way, you will reach your goal weight, and guess what. if you DO it the healthy way, it will be easier to maintain because you have already changed your bad habits. if you do it too fast and the unhealthy way, you can end up either with a serious eating disorder that can kill you, or you will gain the weight back.

    i really hope that you don't end up on this bad path.

    *wishing you well*
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    It's very good that you're aware of your behaviors changing. Sounds like you know what you need to do to continue the healthy route. I might suggest you check in with your doctor and get referred to a dietitian that deals with emotional eating and perhaps ED's.

    I think you need more help than anyone on here can give you, of course we can support you and encourage you to do it the healthy way but perhaps a Dietitian can actually map out a plan with you to help you continue to understand the dangers of going down the path and also help encourage you along the way.

    The best to you!:heart:
  • acaudill042106
    acaudill042106 Posts: 108 Member
    You're a smart girl...I can tell. You know it's something unhealthy...you've researched it. Make a conscious decision not to. Doing it one time doesn't make you annorexic. You knew immediately it was wrong...THATS why I have faith that this was just a ..mental bump..in your journey. Just keep eating right.....keep logging in..and let the snide comments roll off your back. because if you keep on the steady path...you'll most likely be in better shape than they are in a short while. :)
  • bella8282
    bella8282 Posts: 188 Member
    I have Anorexia. I have been anorexic for over 10years.... you dont want to go down this path! Go seek help now sweetie....
    Good luck ... I hope you get out of this before it gets harder!!!
    *hugs*
  • cassmsta
    cassmsta Posts: 75
    I just went through the same thing a while back , add me, we can be friends! This behavior is not normal and it is good that you realize that and do not want to go down its path, as for snide comments f*#^% them, you don't need them. Make this ALL about YOU. you want to lose the weight to be healthy, well purging isnt healthy, you tried it now leave it behind because I bet you felt like crap after, you CAN and WILL lose the weight in a healthy manner if you try.

    If the purging thoughts continue to invade your head I advice you get yourself to a doctor.


    Welcome to MFP!
  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
    I assume you started down this path with the hope of becoming more attractive. Am I right? I know that's why I wanted to lose weight. Now ask yourself how attractive a woman with "issues" is. Especially the kind of "issues" that ultimately make you sickly and unbearable to be around.
    Do you think that when your Prince Charming comes around he will want to swipe you off your feet when you cringe at the sight of ice cream, smell like puke, and your hair is falling out due to vitamin deficiency?
    Still think that path is leading you to your goal?
  • aneisiena
    aneisiena Posts: 63
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are on the right path by being vocal and wanting help! I think the first step is handling your interior (talk with friends...dare I say it...family, even a counselor). After that, working on your exterior will become more of a fun goal towards health and not a dreadful journey towards "beauty."

    Again, you are on the right path by sharing and being open to advice! I wish you the very best :-)
  • arhzon
    arhzon Posts: 150
    Just to echo what everyone else has said, getting a counselor would be a very prudent idea. Aside from that, something more like a support group would be another option. My support group is my sports team, maybe you could find something like that? Just make sure that the influences you have will be positive and encouraging. If you are being attacked, whether for an eating disorder or for being overweight, or anything else, it is not going to benefit you.

    I'll say a prayer you can find some resolution to this.
  • helloclaire
    helloclaire Posts: 191
    Thank you very much for all of your kind words. I started hoping to lose 2 pounds a week, and I think seeing myself lose faster made me ambitious to a point of purging and starving. Got to remind myself this is a slow process!
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
    I am sorry you are goin thru this :( You sound like a very intellegent woman and I have great faith that you can beat this and not go down that road.. Remember a big part of loosing weight is being healthy.. you can not and will not be healthy if you deny your body the nutrients it needs to function... There is no vanity or snide remark worth your own health..mean people dont deserve that kind of power over you so don't give it to them, instead give yourself the gift of loving yourself from the inside out and choose to live happy and healthy! best of luck, I am here if you want to talk..feel free to message me or add me.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
    Darlin' youre right, you dont want to lead yourself down this path. Its a terrible thing never wanting to eat, and wanting to puke up your food. You know its not healthy, thats why you researched it. You need to eat more hun, at LEAST 1200 calories. Like you said, to avoid your body going into starvation mode which is when your body eats your own muscles, then stores the fat. When you puke your food, oure not giving your body the chance to absorb the nutrients which you need to function.

    Id recomend that you talk to a doctor or a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. i think that you need some help, and i think that you know that too since you psted. you can turn yourself around hun, make sure you do. If you ever need anything im here for you.
  • angie_roo
    angie_roo Posts: 55
    I would definitely get to a dietitian to help you lose weight in a healthy way. Also, talk to your family doctor and see if you need counselling.
    Just remember that not only is your body going into starvation mode, the stomach acids damage your teeth, tongue, throat, etc.

    I do understand the desire to want to lose weight faster, I think we all do. But the long term consequences to purging or not eating are not worth the quick fix.
  • helloclaire
    helloclaire Posts: 191
    Again, thank you for your kind words and concern. I am trying to combat this problem by myself for now (as it has been only few days) and become more aware of myself by sharing on MFP.

    Also I hope I did not come across as overly moody!
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