People are very frustrating (rant)

ch178
ch178 Posts: 364 Member
edited September 28 in Health and Weight Loss
I'm finding that people in my everyday life don't seem to understand why my goal weight is so low. Every time I'm asked how much more I want to lose or what I want to be at I get the same response " OMG that's too small" or " you shouldn't loose that much, you'll look sick". It really makes it so that I don't even want to answer these questions anymore because I feel like I have to lie to everyone so they don't make me feel like I have unrealistic or unhealthy goals. My goal weight is around 105 lbs. The reason it is so low is because I am only 5 feet tall. When I try to tell people that this is a healthy weight for my height they just don't believe me. It's just very frustrating and I had to rant a bit :)
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Replies

  • ejmcam
    ejmcam Posts: 533 Member
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!
  • AngieM76
    AngieM76 Posts: 622 Member
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!



    ^^^^^ What she said
  • TiniTurtle
    TiniTurtle Posts: 595 Member
    jealous people :o/
  • bmiller211
    bmiller211 Posts: 222 Member
    Cha I currently weigh 240 but there was a time in my life when I got down to184 and everyone told me the exact same things ...you are too thin , you look sick etc and I wasn't even in the good weight for my height yet...I believe people become jealous and try to make you stop losing so they can feel better about themselves without doing anything...you just keep up the good work and stop worrying about others unless they have positive feedback...you are the one that is important and you have to be happy with you!! good luck and take care...:wink:
  • ch178
    ch178 Posts: 364 Member
    Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!
    [/quote

    I like that , it made me laugh :)
  • BeautifulScarsWECHANGED
    BeautifulScarsWECHANGED Posts: 749 Member
    I always tell people I don't have an exact number in mind....just focusing on 10 lbs at a time and when I'm comfortable with my weight, I'll stop. They tend to back off after that and not judge so much.
  • Eskimopie
    Eskimopie Posts: 235 Member
    I'm finding that people in my everyday life don't seem to understand why my goal weight is so low. Every time I'm asked how much more I want to lose or what I want to be at I get the same response " OMG that's too small" or " you shouldn't loose that much, you'll look sick". It really makes it so that I don't even want to answer these questions anymore because I feel like I have to lie to everyone so they don't make me feel like I have unrealistic or unhealthy goals. My goal weight is around 105 lbs. The reason it is so low is because I am only 5 feet tall. When I try to tell people that this is a healthy weight for my height they just don't believe me. It's just very frustrating and I had to rant a bit :)

    Haha I looked at your ticker and thought your goal weight was 73 lb and was about to point out that that *may* be why they are concerned!

    But yeah, I don't think a lot of people understand what a healthy weight for us shorties is. Just like I have no real idea what a healthy weight range for a 6 ft tall person is! But they should keep their opinions to themselves if they have no training in this area...just brush them off, half of them are probably speaking out of jealousy anyway. I know that's easier said than done...
  • polar5554
    polar5554 Posts: 576 Member
    Simply put...they just don't get it and are NOT educated with healthy guidelines and fitness goals.
  • daisymae9801
    daisymae9801 Posts: 208 Member
    Same problem! I'm 5' 2" and am 130. I want to be 110. I get the same comments. Or I get the "don't starve yourself so much" or "eat whatever you want, just work out." People don't understand how hard it is for smaller people to lose weight. And extra weight shows up so much faster on us. 5 lbs on us compared to 5 lbs on a 5'8" woman is going to look drastically different. Your goal is not too low. Know that you're not the only one.
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!
    that would be pretty funny though if you did ask that...lol...just saying
  • mikeyrp
    mikeyrp Posts: 1,616 Member
    I think part of it is that people are now used to 'normal' being overweight. I had the same thing 10 years ago when I hit a healthy 11 stone (154 lb) and people told me I looked ill. I'm sure they are just not used to it!

    Target this time is 161 but only because I'm in better shape :)
  • ch178
    ch178 Posts: 364 Member
    Same problem! I'm 5' 2" and am 130. I want to be 110. I get the same comments. Or I get the "don't starve yourself so much" or "eat whatever you want, just work out." People don't understand how hard it is for smaller people to lose weight. And extra weight shows up so much faster on us. 5 lbs on us compared to 5 lbs on a 5'8" woman is going to look drastically different. Your goal is not too low. Know that you're not the only one.



    I get the " don't starve yourself " one all the time from my mother in law. It's like she thinks because I'm not eating desert I'm starving myself
  • ch178
    ch178 Posts: 364 Member
    I think part of it is that people are now used to 'normal' being overweight. I had the same thing 10 years ago when I hit a healthy 11 stone (154 lb) and people told me I looked ill. I'm sure they are just not used to it!

    Target this time is 161 but only because I'm in better shape :)




    That's probably a big part of it, people don't seem to know what healthy actually is
  • Just1forMe
    Just1forMe Posts: 624 Member
    I always tell people I don't have an exact number in mind....just focusing on 10 lbs at a time and when I'm comfortable with my weight, I'll stop. They tend to back off after that and not judge so much.


    Exactly. You may find as you get closer to your goal weight that you are comfortable at a higher weight anyway.
  • katbass
    katbass Posts: 351 Member
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!

    Exactly! And I agree....Can you imagine that awkward moment when you ask an unhealthy friend why they are choosing to make poor choices from a menu? Yowsa! It might make ME look twice at the menu and opt for another item, but it also might make me order MORE and add an appetizer, just to shove it in their face. haha

    I would just say "I dont have a specific number....I guess I'll just know when I get there! And its not always easy trying to 'get there', so I appreciate your support." with a nice, big smile :)
  • cheshirechic
    cheshirechic Posts: 489 Member
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!

    Ditto this!

    When people tell me that I'm "disappearing," I tell them that I'm doing it the healthy way and eating a LOT (and sometimes also that it's not always easy, but worth all of the hard work). Then if they ask anything else, I point them toward MFP to use for themselves. Turn their envy into motivation for them.

    I also tell them that I don't weigh myself, because I don't. I go by the way that things fit. (I know I'll have to weigh myself eventually, but whatev for now.)
  • mommyrox05
    mommyrox05 Posts: 238
    I often get the same thing...mostly from one particular family member...I am on the tall side at 5'9" and my goal is 140. I think that this is a healthy weight for my height. She always is so discouraging telling me the same thing...that I will be skin and bones and that I will look sickly! Soooooo FRUSTRATING! But, I try to let it roll off my back and stay positive about what I want...and what I think is healthy for me!
    I have a lot of other great support so it makes hearing the discouraging/negative things a little easiter to take with a grain of salt!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    If this frustrates you don't tell them, it's really that simple. You don't even have to tell them that you're continuing to lose you can simply say "oh, I'm content. Now it's all about maintenance." Or lie.
  • FabCheeky
    FabCheeky Posts: 311
    I get that ALL the time. I am 5' tall (BARELY...hahaa) , have a very small bone structure, and my goal weight is 105---a well muscled 105. In actuality, my doc says that with my height and bone structure I could go to 95 and still be in the NORMAL healthy range. I'm 107 to 108 (depending on the time of day) and I'm not there yet. I am not doing any crazy dieting. I eat healthy fruits, LOADS of veggies, LOTS of good fats, LOTS of meat and eggs, nuts and honey. I'm eating for optimum health, and I'm reaping the benefits. I also stay very active. Don't worry about what "they" say. Just keep focusing on your health.
  • thedreamhazer
    thedreamhazer Posts: 1,156 Member
    Yeah, I've dealt with this too. Initially, before I started losing weight, I told my best friend I wanted to lose about 30 lbs. She looked at me HORRIFIED and told me that there's no way I should do that. That I'd be anorexic and sick, etc etc.

    First of all, being a certain weight isn't what defines anorexia. As someone with friends who battle with this disorder, I hate it when people "diagnose" it flippantly, or accuse people of it like it's a crime.

    Second, after I dropped about 25 lbs, she couldn't stop telling me how good I looked. La, go figure. I know what I'm talking about when it comes to my own body. Now I'm working to lose 15 more because I know I can lose that and that I will be healthier for it. I told her when she asked and, naturally, she's horrified again. "No, you can't! You don't have anything left to lose!"

    Sigh.
  • CeleryStalker
    CeleryStalker Posts: 665 Member
    I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!

    LOL I love it! That rates up there with insisting a pregnant woman is carrying twins after she's told you she's not. People can be rude without realizing it. I usually don't have a problem advising someone when they've crossed the line.

    Seriously though, what is with people and their need to know 'everything'? I don't care that I'm 6 feet tall and hide my weight well. Just because someone thinks I look fine 40# overweight does not mean it is, and their opinions don't change my goals one way or the other.
  • lmk224
    lmk224 Posts: 41 Member
    If this frustrates you don't tell them, it's really that simple. You don't even have to tell them that you're continuing to lose you can simply say "oh, I'm content. Now it's all about maintenance." Or lie.

    Mwahahaha love it, I've had to do that before...
  • Mrs_TrimWaistFatWallet
    Mrs_TrimWaistFatWallet Posts: 486
    their opinions don't change my goals one way or the other.
  • mirna_ayala0428
    mirna_ayala0428 Posts: 406 Member
    I'm only 5' but I've been told that I have a large build, so for me it's not so much about the weight that I need to lose. Right now I want to get down to 150 or so. Once I get there, I will decide how much more I need to lose.

    My goals are to get healthy and active. Each individual is different. I've come to realize that it's how that person feels. With me, I know how I feel when I see myself naked.:blushing:

    Don't let them get to you. You do what's best for you.
  • ch178
    ch178 Posts: 364 Member
    I'm not going to change my goals but I do think I'm not going to tell people my goals when they ask
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
    I get the same thing all of the time. I think that in general most people are so used to seeing obese, overweight, fluffy, chubby, cuddly, voluptuous, curvy (or whatever other words you like to descibe someone not in their ideal weight zone) that they have no idea what a healthy weight is or what healthy actually looks like.

    My goal weight is literally exactly smack in the middle of what the BMI says I should weigh. Now I know it's outdated and not highly accurate but at my goal weight I should be thin and muscular and by no means sick looking or fragile or overly thin, definitely not dangerously thin like everyone seems to think.

    I would just tell people you have no set weight goal you just want to tone up, build lean muscle and try to lose a few clothing sizes. Maybe then you won't get so much negativity.

    GOOD LUCK!
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    Dont tell anyone what you want to weigh! Just tell them you are not really concentrating on losing, you are concentrating on being healthy. People can be obnoxious! Like the people who say to me "why are you eating a salad for lunch your already thin" ..... I have never asked someone why they are eating that giant bacon cheeseburger, becuase they are already over-weight! Ugh!

    Lol the end of that made me laugh. I have people say the same thing about weight and salads. I'm 5ft and 1/2 inch, so I'm aiming for about 105ish too. With the salad thing it's my sister, apparently salads just arent good enough for her or something or healthy enough because she nit picks the dressing,or if there's chicken on it... blah blah blah! Tells me when I'm eating something bad, and then gets mad because I'm losing weight and she's stuck.
    (sorry this started to turn into a vent...lol, oops)
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    Same problem! I'm 5' 2" and am 130. I want to be 110. I get the same comments. Or I get the "don't starve yourself so much" or "eat whatever you want, just work out." People don't understand how hard it is for smaller people to lose weight. And extra weight shows up so much faster on us. 5 lbs on us compared to 5 lbs on a 5'8" woman is going to look drastically different. Your goal is not too low. Know that you're not the only one.



    I get the " don't starve yourself " one all the time from my mother in law. It's like she thinks because I'm not eating desert I'm starving myself

    I get the dessert thing, and the dinner thing from everyone. Last night my fiance came home after I ate dinner, he was ordering pizza and asked if I wanted something. I said no thanks, but he ordered my fav anyway just incase I changed my mind. He told me he doesn't see me eat enough. I do too, but lord only knows how much I would weigh if I ate what he thinks is enough. I know he meant well, but I resisted. :)
  • kklindsey
    kklindsey Posts: 382 Member
    I would like to give people the benefit of the doubt and agree that they don't realize what normal is because so many people are overweight but what I really think is most people don't like it when you start losing weight because it makes THEM feel bad. Going from 300 to 160 showed me a lot of this. When I lost the first 100lbs everyone was smiles and hugs and "how wonderful" When I got closer to a "normal" weight that is when I started hearing "do you ever eat?" "you have lost enough" "you are going to get sick", etc. My husband's family was the worst and he loves messing with people so when I would leave the room he would tell them that I had gastric bypass surgery. He said he did it because they would rather hear that than the truth that you could lose that much weight just by diet and exercise. I found people watching what I put on my plate at parties and commenting on it "no wonder you are so skinny" " i could never eat like that" etc. I just tell them I eat healthy, I exercise and this is what I need to do to not weigh 300lbs again.
  • spitfire423
    spitfire423 Posts: 21
    I TOO AM 5 FOOT FLAT, I STARTED THIS AT 113 ISH I THINK AND MY GOAL WAS 105-101 ISH..... I HAVE MY MOTHERS BOOTY AND NO BOOBS HAHA MY LEFTOVERS FROM MY 3 KIDS IS STILL HANGING AROUND MY TUMMY AND HIPS, OK SO 110 ISNT FAT I KNOW THAT BUT ITS ABOUT MAKEING MYSELF FEEL BETTER IN MY CLOTHEING NOT ABOUT BEING SKIN AND BONES. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR TRYING FOR, IM RIGHT THERE WITH YA... ADD ME IF YOU WANT US "TOO SKINNY" GIRLS CAN NOT EAT BACON CHEESEBURGERS TOGETHER... :)
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