NSV: I Would Not Call This Girl Fat
PirateJenny
Posts: 233
Let me start by saying I have had self-perception and body images problems for as long as I can remember. Gaining close to 150 pounds over the course of 6 years did not help the situation and exacerbated an already serious emotional problem.
Even at my skinniest (an unhealthy skinny for a few years after a long time of good heath and fitness) I remember lifting my shirt to look at my stomach and then pounding my fists into my belly while calling myself names like "fat pig" or "disgusting". I have never really been able to look at myself and smile.
Today when I looked up after washing my hands at the veterinarian's office and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I did not look away in disgust. I took a good, long look and then felt my face stretch into a grin.
"I would not call this girl fat," was the thought that jumped into my head from that first short glimpse. Please understand that I would NEVER call anyone (but myself) "fat". The thought was how felt I would be perceived by others. If someone who didn't know me saw me walking down the street, they would not call me fat.
After 6 years of rapidly increasing weight, I have visible (defined even!) muscles and a nipped-in waist. I have a collarbone that sticks out, a chin (just one) and cheekbones. I have become a person that I can face in the mirror.
I am a long way from thinking that I am pretty and I am an even longer way from being 'thin". Successes may come in small increments, but for someone who has spent over 30 years hating the way she looks, this one was huge.
Even at my skinniest (an unhealthy skinny for a few years after a long time of good heath and fitness) I remember lifting my shirt to look at my stomach and then pounding my fists into my belly while calling myself names like "fat pig" or "disgusting". I have never really been able to look at myself and smile.
Today when I looked up after washing my hands at the veterinarian's office and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I did not look away in disgust. I took a good, long look and then felt my face stretch into a grin.
"I would not call this girl fat," was the thought that jumped into my head from that first short glimpse. Please understand that I would NEVER call anyone (but myself) "fat". The thought was how felt I would be perceived by others. If someone who didn't know me saw me walking down the street, they would not call me fat.
After 6 years of rapidly increasing weight, I have visible (defined even!) muscles and a nipped-in waist. I have a collarbone that sticks out, a chin (just one) and cheekbones. I have become a person that I can face in the mirror.
I am a long way from thinking that I am pretty and I am an even longer way from being 'thin". Successes may come in small increments, but for someone who has spent over 30 years hating the way she looks, this one was huge.
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Replies
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Good for you!0
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This makes me wonder if people would call me fat.0
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Wow.0
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nice!!!!
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Really glad to hear this, after all the hard work you've been doing!0
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That's a HUGE NSV, the scales can say anything they like, but if you have a postive view point, that's the best outcome.
Well done for all your hard work to get there, I bet it hasn't been easy.0 -
I love you PJ. I've told you that a million times, but one more time can't hurt. You have been such an inspiration to me since I've been here. I say this with total adoration (is that the right word) - I am so proud of you! You have always been beautiful. Now, it's time to keep believing it and keep that smile. It's beautiful just like you. I LOVE YOU! 0
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That's awesome keep it up, the thinking is the biggest deal and so hard to change you are on the right road!0
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PJ that is AWESOME! I am so happy for you You kick *kitten*. 0
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Well done you. I too did the fists to the stomach thing until only 3 years ago, hating what I now know were non-existent 'fat' bits. I'm not as advanced as you regarding being able to look in the mirror and hate what I see, but occasionally, just occasionally, I find myself looking and thinking 'Maybe I'm not as bad as I thought!'.
B x0 -
Congratulations, looking forward to hearing about your next incremental victory. I also have had self image issues, never approving of how my body looked, not even when I got down to 98lbs., always thinking I should be thinner, more defined or something. In recent years with the help of a friend and God I finally grasped the idea that there was nothing wrong with me being curvy rather than stick thin. I am still over weight but I don't hide in over sized clothing anymore. I wear what is stylish and work with my curves. It's a long road to self exceptance. :happy:0
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that is the best NSV i have ever heard!! So pleased for you
Well done - you've worked bloody hard for this too!!!
big love
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That is freakin awesome Pirate!!!! That is one seriously prefect NSV! You have been working so hard and seeing some amazing results. What a great feeling to look up in the mirror and not only not want to look away, but actually grin at yourself knowing you are starting to love what you see!! Sending you HUGE hugs!!!0
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