Weight and eating struggle from anorexia recovery

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BlackPantherChick123
BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
in Motivation and Support
As annoying as I am, I'm still struggling and hating it. I was at 110 and was happy but everyone still says I look bad. Here comes spring break and my eating and exercise schedule is now off and I'm now consuming 3-6k a day and I feel so guilty. It's now the end of spring break and I can feel the change and scared to get on the scale. I don't feel happy and I feel like I can't stop eating like I'm binging all the time when I use to control it. What should I do? I don't want a binge eating disorder or anything but I do want to get back to 110 and maintain it. How can I control my hunger? I heard its normal for anorexics to consume so much but for me it feels horrible. I don't like what I see now or how I feel but yet I'm constantly hungry and can't stop bc I'm on vacation and temptations is everywhere and I can't help it. Tomorrow I go back to school and I just feel like I want to hide and starve myself (don't want to do that) but I just few so guilty and feel horrible about myself. I hate dieting too but I want my weight back and just to have a normal diet but I'm constantly hungry and feel like I can't stop. To me this can't be normal. Recovery sucks.
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Replies

  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    Talk to your therapist. If you have so far been struggling alone, find a therapist. First thing tomorrow morning. If you have no idea how to go about it, talk to your parents, contact your school to see if there is counselling for students or seek helplines in your area. Good luck.
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
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    ^^ THAT
  • epeart11
    epeart11 Posts: 35 Member
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    Agreed, find someone who can walk you through this.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Are you still working with a treatment team?
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    I only visited a dietician. She told me what to do but I'm struggling with sticking to it. I feel like I can't stop eating. My appetite is huge and I usually can control it but now while during spring break, I feel like I put all my weight back on in the one week and feel guilty.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    How tall are you? I only ask to see if 110lbs is reasonable or your ED talking?
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    5'2
  • sarahkanzalone
    sarahkanzalone Posts: 192 Member
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    Get yourself a treatment team NEDA is a great resource and so is ANAD if you are in US find someone who specializes in EDs

    The team approach is very helpful (Doctor, therapist, nutritionist and a trainer can be helpful addition if possible to make sure exercise is done in a healthy way)
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,565 Member
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    As has been explained to you in your many posts, you need to speak with a professional. Your relationship with food is unhealthy and it's going to be extremely difficult to overcome that without the knowledge of someone who has been trained in understanding EDs.
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    It's so hard to because my mom believes I'll pass through it like a phase but this has been going on for almost a year now. I'm always unhappy with my figure unless I look tiny so that way I don't have to worry about dieting but now I have to. It just sucks so much. I love food but I also love staying small.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    BlackPantherChick123 wrote: »
    It's so hard to because my mom believes I'll pass through it like a phase but this has been going on for almost a year now. I'm always unhappy with my figure unless I look tiny so that way I don't have to worry about dieting but now I have to. It just sucks so much. I love food but I also love staying small.

    How old are you?
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
    edited March 2016
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    19
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    BlackPantherChick123 wrote: »
    19

    Then you can see a doctor on your own
  • LivLovLrn
    LivLovLrn Posts: 577 Member
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    Honestly you need to get into therapy. You will learn a lot about yourself and learn some useful tools to help you maintain an appropriate weight
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    Thank u for the support. I'm just very unhappy about myself and hate starving or indulging. Mostly hate Indulging bc I can't get full.
  • JanetMMcC
    JanetMMcC Posts: 410 Member
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    Do find a therapist, please. The groups mentioned can help.
  • deladypilot
    deladypilot Posts: 618 Member
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    Sorry you are going through this but I have to agree. You need professional help here. As for mom, well most moms are well meaning and do not realize that their words can actually cause damage. They dont mean to, it is just no matter how old our children get they are still our babies and we love them no matter what. As an adult you have to do what is best for you and your health.

    Best of luck to you
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    She cares a lot about my health and everything. She believes I can get over it because she is a health nurse and gives me advice but I still struggle. It's already the end of the break and I just feel like crap. My body is swollen. My stomach makes me look pregnant and bloated, my thighs r now touching, I have night sweats, my face looks round and I'm stressing about the whole thing and it's only been a week. It's ridiculous and I'm starting to hate what I see because I looked so much better at 110 and felt good about myself and now I just feel like crap and want to cry. Hate going back to school like this because I'll have to wear a hoodie to cover myself. I just know I'll be dieting tomorrow but I'm going to hate it. I'm scared this will happen again and I feel like I have to starve myself just to look good which is stupid. To make it worse on myself my boyfriend is getting deployed soon now and while he was in boot camp during the summer, I hate having him gone, I got depressed bc I been missing him and which led me into having an ED. Him being deployed is making me want to go back into old habits bc of how depressed I'll b feeling. This really sucks.
  • BlackPantherChick123
    BlackPantherChick123 Posts: 425 Member
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    I just no for the past 3 days has been like 4-5k and the others was like 3k and burning 6k+ on the treadmill but now my whole body feels like I put on 20 pounds and makes me feel bad about myself. Idk what's muscle, fat or even water.
  • ctoavs76
    ctoavs76 Posts: 30 Member
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    As someone who suffered from eating disorders, the best advice I can give you is to seek professional help. It was the best thing I ever did. I would hate for you to struggle for years like I did.

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