Starting Over After Grief

KatyRu
KatyRu Posts: 55 Member
in Getting Started
Hey everyone!

So around this time two years ago, when I was 20 years old, I was incredibly motivated and doing very well at living a healthy lifestyle. Within around 6 months, I went from 238 to 193, and I was feeling pretty great. Losing the weight more slowly at that point, because that's what happens as you get smaller, but still doing great nonetheless.

Then in June of 2014, my dad passed away. I gained probably around 5 pounds at that point. By September, my mom and I promised each other we would try and be healthier for each other, because we were best friends and we wanted to have each other's company still for a long time. Just a few days after that discussion, my mom passed away, suffering a heart attack at age 50. The heart disease that they eventually found she had is genetic, and so I know that I need to try and be healthier than my mom was.

After my mom's death, I gained back quite a bit of weight, peaking at around 224 pounds. In January, I did start being at least a LITTLE bit healthier, and I am now around 218 pounds, but I know I need to live a healthier lifestyle and lose more. For myself and my health, for my husband and our future, and for the family I still do have that loves me.

So now, I'm 22 years old, and I'm ready to really get back at it. It's been nearly two years since I stopped living a healthy lifestyle, and I'm ready for a change.

Please feel free to add me! :)

Replies

  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    edited March 2016
    Firstly I'm sorry for your losses. xxxxx

    Be kind to yourself.

    I also lost both my parents in the last couple of years. My mother passed away age 66 from COPD in Dec 2014, my father was diagnosed with cancer 3 months later and died July 2015 age 67. I gained about 45 lb during that time and afterwards. There was a period of 6 months after my dad where I was just in a daze and virtually a hermit. I hardly ever went out and was very inactive. This January I started getting myself together again. I did have some grief counselling which I found very helpful.

    Welcome to MFP. x
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
    It's a terrible shock losing both your parents so close together. As you've discovered, it can affect you in ways you don't realize at the time. When you wake up and come out of the stupor, though, you can take back control of your life.
  • moxielicious
    moxielicious Posts: 2 Member
    Grief sucks! And I think it makes losing weight/maintaining health so much harder! Before becoming a trainer, I lost 100+ pounds and thought I would never struggle again. Wrong! I was pregnant for an entire year, put on bed rest for six months, and then I lost both babies. I miscarried in January, had a high risk pregnancy due to placenta issues, and then my daughter was born early with a chromosomal issue that took her life 8 days later. I am still learning how to piece myself back together, but losing the baby weight has been harder than I expected (especially with no little one at home to coo with! I won't give up though....I just won't.
  • Savannahmiamaddie
    Savannahmiamaddie Posts: 54 Member
    Katyru, first I think you should know that both your Mom and Dad would be very proud of you. All parents want their children to be healthy and happy. By taking care of yourself, you honor them. I do understand what it is to be buried by grief. I lost my son in 2008. He was only 37 and he had a heart attack. For many years, I think I was trying to kill myself with food. I didn't really care if I lived or died. Now, after several years, I realize what a precious gift my son was and how lucky I am that my son was a wonderful, good man who was very happy. Over the last year I have lost over 40 pounds. I'm eating right, exercising and want to honor my son by living life to the fullest. I am also a mother to a wonderful young woman, I have a wonderful step daughter I love, 2 granddaughters and a husband that loves me. I am blessed.
  • Jose2716
    Jose2716 Posts: 225 Member
    So sorry that you lost you parents so young. Try to keep in mind that you're trying to be healthier for the loved ones you still have. Since you're so young hopefully there is still time to combat some of your genetic predispositions. Wishing you the best of luck on your new healthy lifestyle.
  • ElizabethAN2017
    ElizabethAN2017 Posts: 565 Member
    So sorry for the loss of your parents. My mum passed away last month and during her battle to overcome cancer, I regained some weight I had lost. My dad is terminally ill. I'm just starting to get myself a bit on track. If you would like to add me, please do. Take care and wishing you success with your goals. ~Elizabeth
  • allstarelmo23
    allstarelmo23 Posts: 120 Member
    Use this as motivation. Fuel to the fire
  • Jbell0213
    Jbell0213 Posts: 189 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. Loosing a parent is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I lost my dad Christmas Eve 2011. The holidays are very difficult for me. I watched my dad waste away to Alzheimer's, which was not easy to do. Both you mom and your dad would be so proud of you for continuing to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Feel free to add me, I would love to go on the journey with you.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    Soooooo sorry for your loss. :'(
  • Mersie1
    Mersie1 Posts: 329 Member
    To all those who have shared their stories here, I'm sorry. Mine is my mom died from a rare drain tumor when she was 55 yo. 3 months before my wedding. I had suffered from an eating disorder for several years before her death and it became the primary way I dealt w my grief for many many years. The end of this month it will be 20 years since her death. I am finally truly recovering. Grief is so challenging as it's something that we need to learn to live with. Hugs to you all! Feel free to add me! ❤️
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,649 Member
    I still talk to my mom when I spray on her favorite cologne. I think she hears.

    Perhaps frame your pursuit of a healthier lifestyle as a way of honoring your parents memory. They would surely want the best for you.
  • pmad37
    pmad37 Posts: 105 Member
    My father was diagnosed in 2010, but we knew he was sick a couple years earlier. We lost his sister in September, 2012 - the day of her funeral was the last day dad drove a vehicle. He passed in March, 2015 and spent the last 6 months of his life in a nursing home as care for him at home was impossible (and it did not help that my mother was turning her back on him for another man). The day we buried dad, mom moved out of their home and in with her boyfriend. A few months later she stood on the back porch of the house that my dad built and married this man. Our relationship is strained, at best, as I know his history with women and she will not see it

    While dad was at home, I spent most weekends with him from daylight until dark - that was a blessing as we became close, after a really rotten relationship growing up. If I could get him to eat a cookie, I ate a cookie. Same with chips, breakfast, anything.....I had lost 30 pounds at that point and then gained some back. The few weeks before his death I had lost a bit more weight and then, after he died, something snapped. When I went back to my doctor in March of this year, I had gained 17 pounds and was a mess. He put me on a very low dose antidepressant and told me to keep up my exercise routine - that exercise is all that has saved me in the last six years

    The scale has stopped going up, and I know it will go down. Being an emotional eater, it is a daily, sometimes hourly, battle. I would not wish him back like he was, but I grieve the loss of my parents at the same time.

    We can get through this, it takes time and there will be good days and bad days.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    edited March 2016
    Oh my God my heart hurts for you!! I feel your pain, honey...take your time, feel what needs to be felt for as long as it takes. My dad died last September, from undiagnosed adult leukemia....he was in the hospital for only two days, and didn't want us kids to worry, so we didn't even know he was sick until it was too late. I cry almost daily, still...The regret and loss are HUGE, but I know he would want me to take care of myself. I know your parents want this for you too. Much love, huge hugs to you!! Please add me if you like, it's nice to have peeps you can relate to sometimes.. xo
  • samamaof2
    samamaof2 Posts: 8 Member
    So sorry for your losses. I can't imagine losing both parents. I lost my grandma in sept, cousin in Oct and my Dad the end of December. Huge losses to my family. My dad was due to heart attack. So I'm trying to be healthier as well. Just started mfp in feb. Best of luck to you, keep yourself healthy!

Categories